A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend but I'm so very sick of hearing sob stories he is always broke. He lives with his mom, pays all the bills, and also just gives money. I admire someone who can help their mom so much...but when it comes time for me, his finances are depleted. It is so frustrating because we never go out. Never. I have a child and he has said it is not his job to support her. I which have never asked, but he also doesn't want anything to do with doing something with me and my child. I am so frustrated he treats his mom like gold...and when it comes to me we do nothing, fight, and he calls me obscene names. I just don't feel it's fair. He won't even move out of her home and he is 26 years old. He feels the need to pay for literally everything for her. Like I said I would never intrude on someone's relationship with their mother, but is it fair he acts this way? Is it fair he can pay for everything for her, she can go out, and he's even gone out with her...but never does with me? To be honest he is a mamas boy
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everyone for the advice. It is true, I do not want my daughter to feel left out at all. I in noway shape or form ever impose my child on him, but it would be nice for her to be included. Not that he is horrible to her...in fact he treats her good, and that is one thing I cannot complain about( he knows i wouldnt even tolerate the bs of him mistreating her).. Just wish we could all get out i guess. Been a lot..ALOT of stress lately. I am sorry for the rant, just needed some type of sound advice..although I already knew the answer.. Sorry it seemed i bagged on his mom,(although she should be more independant and he is not an only child..) definitely didnt mean it to seem as that.(n yes i like her a lot) I would want him to grow up though if we have any future.. And I just want to feel special if that makes sense. Ty again everyone, stay blessed
A
female
reader, silverlining  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 ok this guy is not going to suddenly going to change! you need forget about the money issues and ask yourself why he wont go anywhere with you. and as for the chld you have if he wont take any type of active role he is not worth keeping, and you might as well start planning to do the next child on your own too.
surly you want a bf who wants to spend time with you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also did forget to mention I am pregnant with his child. But he doesn't want it. So my spot is clear.. He has stressed me out with not wanting it. So not only is it we have no change in scenery... It is just pure hell all around. Not to mention the fact he is constantly promising to take me out...and never does. So very frustrated with this whole situation
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): Forget about the money side of things for a moment, the most important thing in all of this is that he doesn't want to do anything with you and your son, it's not about expecting to pay for things, going to the park is free, but you come as a package, if he doesn't want anything to do with your son then show him the door.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 May 2011):
I completely agree that you need to leave him. I had a look through the other posts, and I just think it's time to end it.
There are so many different issues here, and you can even take his mother out of the problem and still have enough problems. The problem of his mother is the smallest thing here.
Now, he does still live at home, and therefore he should be paying something towards the bills. That's only fair, given that he lives there. If he lived anywhere else he'd had to pay rent. And I can even forgive him giving her money if she doesn't have it and has been a good mother.
What I entirely disagree with, is that he then claims he's broke - meaning you two can't do anything together, or be a couple. That seems more like an excuse for not spending money and actually doing things with you - meaning that he probably uses you as and when he likes it.
Then he sinks to another level with the arguments - such as calling you obscene names. You two don't even live together and you're arguing and he's treating you like dirt.
He sinks another level lower when he says he won't move out from home. At his age, and with a girlfriend, he should be making plans. Nime's post actually got me thinking about the point that you aren't making plans, aren't living together, aren't engaged or married at all. Plans should have been made.
Finally, at the lowest point, he treats your child like she doesn't exist. In fairness, it's not his responsibility to keep her in terms of money - that is your job and the job of her father (who I'm hoping is around, but may not be). It would be nice if he could in some way contribute - but he's right that in terms of money that's not his job. However, when you do take on someone with a child, you make a commitment to in some way have an active role in that child's life. If this relationship meant anything to him, he would make the effort to know your child and do things together as a family which is what you should be, or at least planning to become. He's just pretending she doesn't exist.
I don't see anything here to stay for. He's made no commitment to you, he treats you badly, he doesn't budget in any way, and he basically doesn't acknowledge that your child exists. All I see is a man who just uses you for whatever he wants. I don't see love, a connection, respect, care, attention, trust - I just see a man who's not interested in anything but himself.
Leave him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): his money his choice. Get over it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): Tell him to marry his mother as she is the only one in his life, and then follow up by dumping him so she is really the only one. You can do better than someone who treats you as second best.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): I have to concur with the others. Leave him.
You will be happier with a man who already has his act together. You've got enough to do raising a child without having to help raise a grown man as well.
His attitude toward your daughter is callous. Do you really what THAT living in your home? Do you want your daughter to be at the mercy of THAT? If he resents her now when she's not a burden to him how well do you think he'll treat her when she is and you're not home?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry if it was misunderstood- just some things are driving me nuts. And it's not about how much or where we would go. I just want some time away from normal everyday life
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh no I am happy he is good to her. I just wish he would put something into the relationship. He has trust issues, anger issues, and some personal issues I couldn't mention. It's just everything seems to be taken out on me. The woes of his finances are always mentioned like it is my problem. All we do is sit in the house and watch tv. We don't do much, and it takes a serious toll. I just wish he would invest something, as I do a lot for him. And never do I ask for anything, just to be treated as his girlfriend. To go out now and then would be lovely
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): I understand your situation as I was in a similar one myself. On one hand you admire and respect your boyfriend for helping his mother and do not want to interfere in their relationship, however you have your own set of needs that are not being met. Remember, his needs are NOT more important than yours. It seems you need to have your boyfriend be more available and present in your relationship. I'm guessing you are also feeling a bit neglected and unappreciated. My suggestion to you is to communicate your these feelings and let him know how he could make you feel more appreciated. Try to think of some inexpensive or no cost alternatives......a picnic in the park.....day at the beach....summer street fair.....there are a lot of things you both could do together that don't have to cost money! Hopefully you will get the appreciation and time from him you need. If your relationship is important to him, he will want to make you happy. If he thinks of every excuse NOT to engage.....seriously rethink a relationship where you are not getting your needs met.
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female
reader, Nime +, writes (29 May 2011):
 Ehhh, I'm sorry to say this, but your place in your boyfriend's life is not really clear yet; you're not his wife. You're not engaged. You're not his family. You don't mention how long you've even been together, but at this point, I'd say if you can't deal with the way he treats you as his girlfriend, you might have to leave. Maybe it's your boyfriend's loss, but it might be for him to find out.I just wouldn't come between a man and his mom unless I was already the guy's wife. Until then, I understand his mom is just way more important. I mean there's no stronger way to put it - she's his Mom.Your boyfriend can always get a new girlfriend, but he only has one Mom. I'm sorry to put it this way and I don't mean to say you should put up with this from your boyfriend or any guy. I just mean that your boyfriend obviously has a strong connection with his mom (maybe she was all he had growing up) and right now there doesn't seem to be room or money for you in his life...
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female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (29 May 2011):
 You won't ever change his ways with his mother; it is what it is, for whatever reasons. As far as his attitude toward you and your child, I think you would be better off leaving this relationship behind. Do you really want to be with a person who calls you obscene names? Do you want your child around that kind of person? No, you deserve better than that, thats not love.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): this is a no brainer...dump his ass if youre so unhappy! hes not gonna change
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