A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Aunts, you know, here is my issues: over and over I have fallen for a girl because she gets me excited. She is hot, sexy and attractive. So I enter a relationship with her only to find we are not oompatible at all! She and I clash with our values and personalities. And I come away more and more bitter and broken hearted.So I am wondering now about the place of sexual attraction in a relationship. Should it come last? Should a person try to curb his or her fire for someone in order to get to know them as a person? Or should they let themselves get carried away by romance???Help? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLoved all these replies. Seriously, thanks.
This line stuck with me the most:
"so that when you are with the person you love you feel better and stronger about yourself, and when you think of them you feel the same way. Simply put, they build you up, and don't tear you down."
Got to remember that.
Peace, all. Thanks.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 "Should a person try to curb his or her fire for someone in order to get to know them as a person?"
Exactly. Don't have sex until you are in a committed relationship. And for you to end up in a relationship, you got to get to know them first. Get to know them BEFORE you have sex. If it helps you, you could try to set a time frame of knowing someone at least .. I don't know.. 3-5 months?
You can't ever know someone completely until you've been with them for over a year though, in my experience. Doesn't matter how much you know them, or think you know them, beforehand. Because the way you get to know a person as a friend is different from how you get to know them as a partner. Different qualities are needed. You might be mediocre friends, but great lovers and companions. You might also be great friends, but clash as a couple.
There's just no way of knowing whether a relationship works out until you get into it and see for yourself, no matter how well you know the person.
Although, knowing them as a friend or associate helps you greatly when weeding out the undesirables and obvious no-no's.
I've had relationships with amazing sex go bad, and I've had relationships with mediocre sex go bad. So as far as I see it, sexual attraction pose no threat to a relationship. It is healthy, sex matters, sex just isn't everything.
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A
male
reader, Partyboy123  +, writes (31 May 2011):
 hey,beauty is only skin deep, if you can learn to love someone for who they are and their values, you will find them beautiful on the outside as well.. true beauty comes from within.hope i helped, that's how i look at it
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): "values and personalities"
Trump sex every time except for random sex partners.
Relationships that last are built on values and personalities melding together, so that when you are with the person you love you feel better and stronger about yourself, and when you think of them you feel the same way. Simply put, they build you up, and don't tear you down.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 May 2011):
There is no one thing that is more important than the others. In my opinion, love, trust, affection, sexual attraction, things in common etc all come at the same level as anything else. You can't realistically have a relationship that works truly effectively without everything else working. The real world is not Disney - at some point, Prince Charming will want his way. At some point, Cinderalla will want her way. That's the way it is!
A relationships isn't based upon one emotion, or just one thing. It is based upon many things and they are all important. A relationship won't work if they're not all given the same importance.
Whilst I'm sure you're bitter and broken hearted, the truth is that the best thing that could have happened was you two broke up. It will allow you to regroup, and find a woman who you are more compatible with.
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