A
male
age
51-59,
*j2000la
writes:So my ex-girlfriend cheated on me and we eventually broke up after trying to fix things. We only tried for a month but it was clear she didn't want to try... for the month we were together she wouldn't barely kiss me. Not even a week after we broke up she went back to the guy she cheated on and had sex with him and continued to do so for 2 months. What makes it painful is that she and I about 5 months into our relationship and after making me get tested started to not use a condom anymore. She told me that I was special to her and that she wanted to be closer to me... that she has only did that twice. We I came to find out that after we broke up she was on the pill and was fn'ing that guy without protection. She barely knew him - as she said - before she cheated on me. What makes it painful is how she made me do all this stuff, said I was special, and yet immediately screwed this guy without anything and continued to do so for 2 months. What should I make of her, if anything, and why does it bother me so much - I feel like I have zero respect for her anymore after finding this out.
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male
reader, jj2000la +, writes (12 July 2011):
jj2000la is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much. When she cheated she did use a condom but it was after that we broke up... I have been tested and I am all clear. Its been close to a year and a half since she did what she did but I only found out about the non-condem issue in December.
I agree and many friends of mine said what you said about he having deeper underlying issues. A good girlfriend of mine said that when you don't care about someone at all it makes it all the easier to do things with them as no emotions are involved. It's when you have deeper feelings and respect for that person that you don't because it makes it sometimes too emotional. At the end of the day I guess I will never know.
Thanks again guys, it nice to get some support and different points of view so I don't feel so alone about it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): She's messed up somewhere, and much more to that story than you can probably realize.
That guy probably didn't rank anywhere in her mind, and you may have, but she is just "messed up".
Understand that her actions indicate serious underlying problems, and understand that it has nothing to do with you.
As far as respect, treat her respectfully still, no matter what has happened, and understand that by doing so you may very well be the influence that leads to long term change in her life.
However, you cannot change her, you cannot control her.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 July 2011):
Good - you shouldn't have respect for her. She put your health at risk, and in the end was just a liar and a cheat. I'd be worried if you did have respect for her, because it would show you as someone who didn't have high enough standards.
The good news is not every woman does this. In fact, not that many do it at all.
This woman is nothing compared to the better ones out there. Make sure you get tested again, spend some time getting over the hurt and meet someone who actually values you and herself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): You're right, you should not respect her. The other guy certainly ranked higher in her mind than you did. Getting him into bed was worth more risk to her than getting you into bed.
Lots of women do things like this. They take risks for the "other man" that they won't take with the regular man who respects them. Trust me, you don't want to be with this kind of person. These people punish you for being a better person than their other lover.
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