A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically I don't know what's wrong with my friend. We used to be so close but things have changed. I don't get what's wrong with him. Last summer it was the first time he started flirting with me and I told him not to. So he avoided me for literally 3 weeks. But within that time I was acting fine as though nothing happened so things didn't seem awkward between us. But he was still acting cold towards me even though I was absolutely cool with him. Because we're family friends, he and his family came down for my cousins wedding. But I avoided him coz I was annoyed with the way he blamed me for the flirting although he was the one who had started it. However, he started the flirting again but was more open and became extremely complimentary. Within minutes of explaining why he avoided me, he started the flirting again. He said he couldn't stop staring at me and how he thought I looked pretty during the wedding. Few days later he said that my nephew called him up and asked him if me and him were together. But the thing is my nephew has never seen me and him together. We only talked via text and that's it, not face to face. My friend suggested that we should avoid each other for a while but I kept saying no coz there's nothing going on between us and if we do ppl will think that there is. However, he still decided to avoid me for a bit and even blamed me coz my nephew asked him. I had nothing to do with it of course. Him and my nephew were together all the time. So that never made sense. Within that time tho I was still fine and acted like a friend. But he used to ignore me for no reason. So I always used to be on his case and used to ask what was wrong etc coz he doesn't talk when I try and have a conversation. It used to be annoying coz he used to flirt with me all the time and then always avoid me as in be would ignore my texts. So I asked him and he said he wants to talk to me but he gets worried when we start flirting coz he doesn't know if were both still joking or being serious. He said he trusts me. At the time I didn't know what he was asking me, so I just left it. So the viscous cycle kept repaeating itself, he used to flirt and open up but them always avoid me. Like the next day I'd start a normal convo but he would ignore my texts. That annoyed me sooo much coz I didn't want him to talk to me just to flirt. He always used to make excuses like he was busy and he'd be mean and cold as well. So I asked him whether he was joking or being serious. He said he was joking first but when I said it he said that's alright but then he said he doesn't think I'm being honest. I don't get why he said that. But then he said if we both weren't being serious then that's the problem. Since then he's been completely awkward and very cold. It's been like this for months and I try all the time to sort things out. But he never tells me what's wrong. About a month ago he said he enjoyed the flirting n that's why he hasn't been talking to me. He said my nephew asked him if he liked me n he got scared he would go n tell everyone. But I dnt get why he got asked that. I just don't see why he would avoid me over sumthin that isn't true. I think that's ridiculous and stupid. We're friends so I dnt get why he would have to avoid me and blank me coz of that. I take him as a friend but he's so awkward. I just wanna talk to him on the level not flirting. The other day he said he doesn't wanna talk to me and he has nothing to say to me. He said I'm a friend n that's it. But before he said all this I had always said that to him. Ive told him I just wanna talk to him like normal. He's blamed me. He even said it's lik as though I'm obsessed to talk to him. Lik seriously, what the hell!! How could he even say such a thing coz that just isn't true. All I've been trying to do is maintain our friendship but he's too busy acting awkward with me. Now I don't bother sorting things out. I just don't get why he's being so cold and weird with me. What's his problem????
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female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (14 July 2011):
 Hello,
He fancies you and you don't see him that way. Therefore, he pulled back. He doesn't want a friendship, he wants you as his girlfriend. You don't want that so he doesn't invest time in you anymore. Don't expect him to ever be just a friend.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 July 2011):
 Usually when someone flirts they do this because the like the person. More than just usual this is the actual case. He liked you! Probably still does! It isn't some game of flirting that he can just "stop" when you ask him to. He likes you, you rejected him and then you pretend that it never happened, making him feel quite small, ignored, and not valued. In other words: he's hurt. That's why he's acting the way he does. He's trying to cope with being simply friends with someone he is/was in love with and that rejected him. Rejection stings.
He ignored you because it hurts less when you don't have to face the person. In his shoes I would have cut contact completely for a time, in order to get over the feelings.
Maybe nothing goes on from your point of view, but things are definitely going on for him. Like it or not, THIS BOY LIKES YOU AS MORE THAN A FRIEND, and no matter how much you want it to stop you can't change how you feel just because someone asks you to stop. "I just don't see why he would avoid me over sumthin that isn't true." But, it is true. He does like you. Open your eyes girl.
Instead I suggest you stop thinking this is random flirting and that he's capable to just quitting at any time and that nothing goes on. He's flirting with you, that's what's going on. Now don't be stubborn, just see it for what it is. You don't return his feelings. Your friendship might never be the same again, but it's not his or your "fault". When we start to care about each other there's little to do about it besides avoiding that particular person.
So which one will it be, because you can't force him to stop liking you. Do you want to continue with things as they are, or will you break contact with him?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 July 2011):
The friendship you had is gone, and it won't be coming back. Why? Because the guy fancies you and can't handle that you don't feel the same way. And he will never be able to handle it.
He so clearly fancies you, and when you turned him down, it hurt him. Sadly, he can't take it and will permanently treat you this way. The moment you're nice to him, he'll try it on. The moment you tell him to stop, he'll go into a strop.
I think now you need to decide whether this is someone you want in your life. My view is that he's not a great friend. He has entirely disrespect your feelings about the situation, and instead chooses to blame you for his own feelings. You shouldn't have people like this in your life. Neither of you can actually offer each other what you want. You want friendship, he wants more. It's a disaster that won't go away unless you move on and accept that he won't be able to handle this.
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