A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really angry right now! My boyfriend of 2 and a half yes text me saying can I trust you? He has been on my phone and I have been texting one of my friends from school. And all i was on about is "how hes life is now being a new uncle!" seriously. I sometimes look at his phone when he has a message and his friend is booking them a weekend away! And this friend is a man! So who should be worrying the most! I know the other month I was talking to an old friend about my boyfriends friend cos i hate him so much and my bf didn't like it. But I would never do anything. I've been hurt before I won't do it to my bf. But he has got really jealous and i think it's out of order him accusing me of stuff I haven't even done! Please will you help me. Thank you :)
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (14 July 2011):
OP, what do you mean he isn't like this? He just showed you he is.
I would tell him: "Do you really think so lowly of me that you have to ask me this when I'm congratulating a friend on being an uncle?" That should put him in his place. Jealousy comes from insecurity. So either he deals with it or he doesn't. Whatever you do, don't take that crap from him and put him back in his place whenever it happens.
If it really becomes an issue, have a talk with him and tell him. "I am a loyal, trustworthy girlfriend. I have never done anything to suggest otherwise and I never will. But apparently, no matter how many times I tell you or show you, you are so insecure you still don't trust me. Well guess what, you will never know for sure, not unless you lock me up in the house with 24/7 camera surveillance. So face your fear like a real man because I'm tired of this. Trust me or don't. I'm not your property. I'm not some dog that needs to be kept on a leash. I'm your girlfriend, one who loves you very much and wouldn't dream of cheating. Do you really want to ruin this?"
This should open his eyes. If it doesn't, if after this he still acts like a paranoid maniac, end the relationship. Because then it will only get worse and there simply is no happy ending.
It goes like this: at one point he will be so insecure that if you stay with him he will forever question your trustworthiness and accuse you, and if you leave he will see it as confirming his fears. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Keep your eyes open if he starts to lean towards this. Sometimes people stand in the way of themselves and nothing--not even you, can change them. And once you realize that, it's time to go. I hope for your sake he isn't one of those people, but don't delude yourself into thinking he can't be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not going to walk away cos he isn't like this. He just needs to chill the f down.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 July 2011):
I can help you, by saying walk away from him. And that's really as far as it goes. It's become clear that your boyfriend is a spying control freak. What you have to understand about this behaviour, is it will get worse - much worse. This is just the start.
Your boyfriend now needs professional help. There is precisely nothing you can do to help him or change him. I think you need to look carefully at this, and decide whether you'd be better moving on. Because you can be sure that this will get worse.
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