A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I realize how this all sounds and I know the easy answer will be leave him; but I need some honesty.I have been dating a guy 10 yrs older than me for a year now. We met at work, planned to hook up once and that's it. Somehow once became twice, and so on. Now, we are in love. Here is the problem.About 2 months in he told me he had a girlfriend. She lives over an hour away so he sees her maybe once per week. He didn't plan to fall in love with me, he just wanted sex. But he fell for me. Because I love him, I continued to see him. His girlfriend is 20 years younger than him, so I figured it wouldn't last.Fast forward 1 year and we are still dating. We are together everyday-except on some occasions when he sees his other girlfriend. Oh yeah, she is 4 month pregnant so he can't leave her. Not that he would. He tells me that he loves her but no where near as much as he loves $e. He said he feels obligated to her now and he wants me to just wait it out and not walk away in hopes that once his baby comes, he can end it with her. I don't think he will.It kills me everytime his phone rings and he texts her. She doesn't know about me. We spend every night together and he has to lie constantly to her. I hate this but I love him and am afraid to walk away.Help!
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female
reader, MsPetunia  +, writes (13 July 2011):
Honestly, how can you be ok with him putting his ding in you then in her, then in you, then in her, then in you. Just how does this translate to love? He loves to F you and her that is all. You need to love you first and foremost. ARen't you afraid of deseases? Don't you want someone who love you 100% of the time, seven days a week? You have to think with your head before you get sick or pregnant. What will you tell your kids once a week, your dad is going to see his other family today? Don't you know you deserve better. Don't dig yourself into a bigger hole. He is truly a jerk and your are truly lying to yourself if you believe that love comes with this pain.Also, he could have left her BEFORE he got her pregnant and didn't what makes you think he will ever leave her now?Also, you should let the other woman know, how many more bastard children will he create.
A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (12 July 2011):
Believe me, I know it isn't easy. In your situation you mentioned how this guy didn't even tell you he had a girlfriend until you had been with him for two months. I know it started out as a casual thing, so that's a convenient reason for him to not bring up his girlfriend, but the point is by the time you found out someone else was involved you had already started to get attached.
I can relate because my ex-wife was also a cheater. It's not quite the same... but then again it is. I had feelings for her, of course, which then caused me great pain when I found out I wasn't the only one in the picture. Like you, I found it difficult to walk away. It was love, right? So I tried to "make it work" and stuck around for about three years. Huge mistake!! All I did was waste some of my time and cause myself more pain.
Cheaters never change, and all they really care about is themselves. However, this isn't something that you will come to terms with while you're still with him. It may hurt a lot in the short run, but you need to get away from this guy. You need to tell yourself that not all men are monsters or pigs, and that you deserve someone who is worthy of you. You need to know that you're living a fantasy... it isn't real. He doesn't love you. Look at his actions, do not listen to his words. If he loved you, would he have continued to sleep with his girlfriend? Would he have impregnated her???
The answer to your question - how do you walk away? - is you just do it. Ignore your emotions and listen to what your brain is telling you. The healing can't begin until you break away.... and believe me, it truly does get better!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know that the smartest thing to do is RUN. Sadly, I agree. But also sadly, I love him. I hate that I love him, but I do.
I want to walk away, but I don't know how.
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A
female
reader, misskat +, writes (12 July 2011):
So this other girl is what, 19?! You're in your late 20s and this jerk is a middle aged man!! He is TRASH! He is using both of you for his own selfish needs. Yes it hurts but the longer you wait, the more you are prolonging the pain. I dated an older guy and I'm about your age. He was always back and forth. He "really liked" me and was supposedly falling in love but he had his ex whom he felt sorry for. Boo hoo, it was total B.S! He just wanted both of us. So, less than a week after he told me he needed to make sure his ex was ok, I told him I could not see him anymore. I said, when you are truly single, over your so called ex, and IF I am still single and like you, THEN, you might have a chance with me. It hurt like hell but I felt so relieved! I believe you will too because at least you can pick up and move on. That poor young girl is stuck with that D bag. Break it off and work on yourself and finding true, uncomplicated happiness : )
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A
female
reader, van1llabeeen87 +, writes (12 July 2011):
 Find a single guy!
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A
female
reader, van1llabeeen87 +, writes (12 July 2011):
He still just wants sex. Any guy will say they love you to get it...it happens all the time. You are being selfish. Also, if he will treat her like this then he will treat you like this too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): You both are being treated like dirt, you and the other woman.
She may know about you as well.
The question is, do you want to be treated this way just so his ego can be pumped up?
"He said he feels obligated to her now and he wants me to just wait it out and not walk away in hopes that once his baby comes, he can end it with her."
Look, when the baby comes he will have more responsibility to her than ever before, it "never ends" once the baby is born.
You will always be 3rd fiddle in the orchestra, not even second.
Get yourself clear of this, figure out what it is about you that gets you so you will treat yourself so poorly, and then get someone who doesn't.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 July 2011):
No, he won't leave her. He even got her pregnant, God bless her. He'll never leave her. But he will make a mockery of you. So you need to leave him.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (11 July 2011):
Don't walk away from this guy... RUN. QUICKLY!!!
This man is a total disaster. You are frankly on the fringe of being too young for him, yet he's got a pregnant girlfriend that is 10 years younger! What a hot mess!! Let's see... he also impregnated said girlfriend about 8 months AFTER he started sleeping with you.
Here's the score - he's using you for sure, and probably the other woman too. He does not love you. He just enjoys having sex with you. You're 10 years younger than he is, so that's a huge plus... AND you know about his girlfriend and tolerate the situation. He's never going to leave her for you.
Please, start having some respect for yourself. This guy is bad news, and you deserve to be treated MUCH better. You deserve someone that actually cares for you, not a guy that's going to say whatever it takes to keep you in his bed. A year is more than enough to know what you need to do - end it and move on with your life. Even if that means finding a different job so you can make a clean break of it.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): This other young girl is the one I feel sorry for. She should just leave this cheater and got on with her life. She deserves better, so much better! And then u will have this cheater all to yourself and well, you know the saying: once a cheater always a cheater.
LoveGirl
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