| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Why does he do this to me?
Q. I've been seeing a man on and off since April. He still doesn't want to be in a relationship, he's says he's not ready. I've poured my heart out to him and he means the world to me. We've slept together a few times and always have a good time ...
A. 2 September 2011: The only feelings he has for you are ones of lust. He comes to you to have sex knowing full well that you will let your feelings get in the way of your judgement and have sex with him.
You're very right about him - if he cared, he'd have acted on t... (read in full...)
I caught my girlfriend cheating, but I still love her
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for a little over 3 years. She was my first everything and we loved each other so much we didn't go a day without each other. we had a very strong relationship. I never talk to any girls once I met her. I didn't really ...
A. 2 September 2011: I would just get rid of her. There are a lot of better people out there. ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to meet for coffee. Good or bad idea?
Q. So basically my ex and I broke up 5 months ago. He has a new girlfriend but he still wants us to be "friends". I have feelings for him still and he wants to meet for coffee. Do you think it's a bad idea?...
A. 2 September 2011: Bad idea. Why put yourself in a position that will lead to you:
a) being used.
b) being made a mockery of
c) could damage your reputation.
It's never a good idea to go back to the past. ... (read in full...)
I found out b/f has been cheating all along. He's going to be deployed. Do I break up with him or wait?
Q. I few days ago i found out my boyfriend has been seeing another girl. A few nights ago he was in the bathroom and his phone went off. I looked at it and it was a text from a girl i'd never heard of saying "Hey, looking forward to seeing you too x". ...
A. 31 August 2011: Ditch him. Yes, he is going abroad to a dangerous place. But that is on excuse for cheating, and it's no excuse for you to sit there waiting to move on. Don't waste even another second on someone who treats you this way, no matter who they are or ... (read in full...)
Am I a tart?
Q. I feel awful about myself at the moment .. can I ask your opinions, honest answers appreciated. I feel like a complete tart ... I met a guy a year ago we had a couple of nights fun (no sex) just stupid really I had recently become single and suppose ...
A. 31 August 2011: Of course you're not a tart. Your post was a bit confusing, but in the end all you're really saying is that you happened to date three men who happened to know each other. And you didn't know they they all knew each other. Don't worry about it. At ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to sleep with someone else on the stag/hen do?
Q. Hi. Is it normal for a guy/girl to sleep with someone else on their stag/hen do? I've known people to do this but I dont think I agree with it. Would love to hear some opinions, not just from girls, guys too please! Thanks for reading. ...
A. 31 August 2011: No. It's cheating - period. ... (read in full...)
I want the husband and family. Am I too old now?
Q. I am 27 and my partner of 4 years has just left me for a younger woman. I was meant to get married to him and have a family and no near my 30s I find myself single. Is it too late for me to have the husband and kids? ...
A. 31 August 2011: Good lord! You're 27. You have years for a family. Get over the pain of what this man has done for you, and realize that you're still young and that there are hundreds of thousands of better men who will want a family and life with you. You're still ... (read in full...)
What do I do? I don't want to be the other woman
Q. I met this gorgeous Irish guy in my first year of university and we had a casual relationship, which I am not proud to say was behind my boyfriend's back. I split up with my boyfriend, but the guy I was seeing then got a girlfriend and we lost ...
A. 31 August 2011: I don't know why people put themselves through this inevitable torture. You cheated on your ex with this guy. Then he got himself a girlfriend and threw you over. Now he's back and rather than see him for the sleazy liar that he is, you're yet again ... (read in full...)
Are all woman like this? Or are some more faithful and genuine than my ex?
Q. I'm just wondering if I'm too trusting or maybe too innocent. I've only been involved in a relationships, on two separate occasions, each time with the same person. In each case she cheated on me with an ex boyfriend. In fact it turns out that s...
A. 31 August 2011: The problem was that you wound up with the wrong woman. Twice. Most women don't cheat. You've only had experience with one woman in terms of cheating. There are a lot of other women out there, and you'd do better to move on to one of them instead. ... (read in full...)
He says he needs a break but regrets it?
Q. WTF he asks for a break in our relationship and says he regrets needing one or having to do it but still does it. Then can't explain it to me. WTF what does that mean??? Can any male here explain this to me please. A little light here would be very ...
A. 26 August 2011: To be honest, I've no idea. It could mean a million things. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt you. Maybe there's someone else. Maybe he wants some time to himself. There are loads of reasons.
One thing I do - nearly all breaks are the sign of the end ... (read in full...)
My boy friend is getting testy. Should I aim to do well in this job and miss the holiday we have booked?
Q. Am I a terrible person for doing this? He's making me feel like an absolute bi*ch. I work two jobs, and live with my boyfriend. One job is a day job to pay rent and bills and the second job is a non-paying internship to help further my ca...
A. 26 August 2011: You are at a crossroads here that, sadly, a lot of young people come to. You are going to have to choose between the man in your life, or your career.
You're still starting out in life, and you have an opportunity to at least try and make some... (read in full...)
He never texts and expects me to chase him!
Q. im really getting fed up of this guy i know. he knows i like him but i feel like his nurse maid. if he ever has problems im there. if hes ever financially stuck im there yet hes aware i like him but doesnt treat me in a great way. he goes on all ...
A. 26 August 2011: Because you're making the mistake of letting him. There is a point at which you have to accept that someone is treating you badly, and that you need to move on.
You should just move on from this guy. ... (read in full...)
Alarm bells are ringing. Is he making money or gambling away our relationship?
Q. just wanted to get people's opion on this to see if I am being completely irrational or whether I am right in asking my boyfriend not to gamble anymore... my boyfriend recently started "making money" on gambling websites. he uses free introductor...
A. 26 August 2011: I have a rule: When anyone suggests my worried are "stupid", or that I'm being "ridiculous" or whatever - that's the time to worry and know that you're right to be worried.
You're absolutely right to be worried when your partner is supposedly maki... (read in full...)
My wife says that sex with me grosses her out. Can that change?
Q. I am 38 and my wife is 41. We do not have sex anymore and have not for at least a decade. She says that sex with me grosses her out. She says that the idea of sex itself does not gross her out, and she fantasizes about sex with other men sometimes, ...
A. 26 August 2011: Do you have any idea how many other women there will be who will give anything to have a man who tries as hard as you? Seriously, you might have read about the women who don't have sex - but there are a lot more women who do!
Now, to be fair, your... (read in full...)
Have I made a huge mistake - allowed my BF to have sex with my BF???
Q. my boyfriend of 4yrs on and off again just cheated on me with my best friend last week. we have 2 kids and i think i want to try and work past this, but here is the issue, my friend has wanted a child for a long time now, so 3 weeks a go we mad a ...
A. 26 August 2011: I think there are many reasons to end your relationship.
First of all, you use the words 'on/off' to describe your relationship. That's not a good sign. It means that you're not really working through problems that you have together, and you reve... (read in full...)
Does he love me? Need to know. Will he leave his wife?
Q. I am sleeping with a married man who I have history with. He has other women in other towns as well. He says his wife doesn't sleep with him and treats him bad. He says he wants to leave her but he says she is crazy and probably would do something ...
A. 25 August 2011: This man is a walking, talking cliché! Not just that, but each excuse is contradicting another excuse!
- He says his wife doesn't sleep with him and treats him bad.
- He has other women in other towns.
- He says he wants to leave her, but tha... (read in full...)
Sex has become a chore. I want to have sex but not with him!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months. To be honest, he never satisfied me 100%, but I enjoyed being with him. For the past two months, sex has been a chore. I want to have sex, but not with him. I literally get a little pissed off inside when he ...
A. 25 August 2011: Time to move on. 6 months into it and you're feeling like this means he's not the one. Don't waste any more time. He's not the one for you. ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with my boyfriend?
Q. I'm 14 and my boyfriends 16 soon, he wants to have sex but I'm not sure I do, he's not a virgin but I am! He always gets drunk and high, it dosent bother me usually but recently he feels me up and sticks his hands down my pants and top in front of ...
A. 25 August 2011: Went to hit you?
What's wrong with your boyfriend is that he has some major issues that you need to let him deal with - from far away. This guy has drugs in him, which will only make his anger worse. He's also touching you inappropriately (you... (read in full...)
How can I make sense of what I am facing following the suicide of my ex?
Q. Dear Cupids Once again thank you for taking the time to read this. I do not have any parental support and I live alone with good support. Long story short i am a diagnosed and medicated schizophrenic. And i was in an abusive relationship for...
A. 25 August 2011: This will be a sad and hard time for you. You've been through a huge amount lately, too much for most and certainly too much for someone as young as you. But, with enough help from those you can count on, you'll be able to at least come to terms ... (read in full...)
How can I make sense of what I am facing following the suicide of my ex?
Q. Dear Cupids Once again thank you for taking the time to read this. I do not have any parental support and I live alone with good support. Long story short i am a diagnosed and medicated schizophrenic. And i was in an abusive relationship for...
A. 25 August 2011: This will be a sad and hard time for you. You've been through a huge amount lately, too much for most and certainly too much for someone as young as you. But, with enough help from those you can count on, you'll be able to at least come to terms ... (read in full...)
Wife doesn't want to leave me, but isn't 'in love' anymore. She's happier with her FWB.
Q. I'm a married man, and my wife has just said that she still loves me but is not in love with me. She says I'm a great father and husband and she doesn't want to hurt me. Then, she explained, she has a friend which has gotten into the "with benefi...
A. 24 August 2011: Odds pretty much says it all. I'll just add my echo to his words.
Your wife is using you, because you are a nice guy who has been there, who has provided, and who has stuck by her in her depression. You've also loved her more than anyone, give... (read in full...)
If I keep this up I'm going to get caught! Who do I choose?
Q. I've been seeing this guy I went to high school with. We've been seeing each other for about 8/9 months. We'll call him Derrick. When we first starting talking to each other again I had just got in a new relationship. I didn't tell Derrick about it. ...
A. 22 August 2011: Neither man is suitable. That's why you need to end it with both. This is not a situation that you can't win in. You don't feel guilty for cheating on Kevin - therefore however much you care for him, it's just not enough. And the fact that you won'd ... (read in full...)
Dating a friend's ex?
Q. Ok this is a question for a friend of mine. Basically He likes his friends Ex girlfriend. They met up last week and were snogging and chatting loads. they are secretly texting each other and the ex boyfriend doesn't know anything about it. He sti...
A. 22 August 2011: They have to be fully prepared to hurt the ex boyfriend, and lose him as any kind of friend.
That's the price.
That's also why this isn't a good idea. But there it is. If they like each other that much, they have to do the ruthless thing and get ... (read in full...)
Does it seem as though my ex wants me back?
Q. My ex and I were going out for just over a year about a year ago and we broke up because he didn't know what he wanted. Immediately he started seeing another girl who people seem to describe as a carbon copy of myself. Lately my ex has been trying ...
A. 22 August 2011: I know what's happened.
He didn't know what he wanted last year, so you broke up. He went out with another girl almost immediately and that was it. You then started dating another guy, and you're with him.
Here we are, a year later, and he's bro... (read in full...)
Still seeing my ex but thinking about seeing other men, how do I go about this without anyone getting hurt?
Q. Recently decided to take a break from BF we have been living and dating each other for over 6 years. It was a mutual split but we are still seeing each other and still love each other very much. He has a very big problem with jealousy and cant ...
A. 22 August 2011: The problem will not be if he doesn't want commitment - the problem will be if he does and you can't make your mind up, or you wind up falling for several guys at once and make a mess of it.
I have no problem with you dating other guys. In fact... (read in full...)
Do normal women find doggy style demeaning?
Q. The doggy style position makes me feel like I am losing my feminity and also lack of contact/caressing with my lover during sex. Is it normal for women to feel like this or is it just me?...
A. 22 August 2011: I think you're right - doggy style isn't really feminine, and doesn't really involve caressing.
But you have to remember that doggy style isn't about femininity or caressing. It's basically about lustful, out of control sex, animal like sex.
If... (read in full...)
We constantly fight, are we not meant to be together?
Q. Lately, my girlfriend and I have been fighting so much, and I can't stand it anymore. It seems like all that we do is fight, and somehow it's always my fault, and I'm always the one who's getting left bruised by the argument (emotionally, not ...
A. 22 August 2011: Walk, my friend. Walk.
There is no excuse for this level of crap treatment. She's a drama queen who'll just use you as her lap dog until you wake up.
So wake up, and walk. ... (read in full...)
If I keep this up I'm going to get caught! Who do I choose?
Q. I've been seeing this guy I went to high school with. We've been seeing each other for about 8/9 months. We'll call him Derrick. When we first starting talking to each other again I had just got in a new relationship. I didn't tell Derrick about it. ...
A. 22 August 2011: I read an interesting article the other day that confirmed my thoughts about people who think they love two people, or who think they do.
They don't. You don't.
Actually, you have both these guys in your life because you are entirely unfulfil... (read in full...)
Should I go to the in-laws anniversary lunch just to keep the peace? Or should I not go because of the way they treated me?
Q. My husband has cheated on me with at least 2 other women during a 5 year period. I found out about his secret double life about 2 years ago. I recently told his parents the details of what he had been doing one day when I got extremely upset and ...
A. 22 August 2011: I have to ask a question - why are you still with your husband?
Because my advice is to not go to that lunch, but to also leave your poor excuse for a husband and build a better life elsewhere.
I think you need to make a run from this whole fa... (read in full...)
How can one know if he truely loves you? signs? words? feelings? Anything would help
Q. About a year ago i cheated on my bf with one of his friends, it was a one night thing, he found out, he dumped me. my bf are back together agian, after a year, but how do i get him to fully trust me again, i love him i do, but idk what to do, i re...
A. 21 August 2011: That's a nice story Abella. OP, that's pretty much the thing here.
Trust.
You cheated and blew that trust. Since then you've worked hard and he's come back. He would never have come back if he didn't love you. He obviously took real time to think... (read in full...)
My daughter is getting married and my ex husband will be there
Q. My gorgeous daughter is getting married in 6 months time, me and her dad divorced 11 years ago and he hasn't been around much. However, during this time I tried to be both Mum and Dad to her, his family stopped speaking to us about 9 years ago, ...
A. 21 August 2011: OP, you're putting a very brave face on your life right now. When I read your post, I came to the conclusion that it was not so much about your daughter's wedding day, but actually about your own life. I wonder if you're actually crying for help far ... (read in full...)
Is there anyone genuine on the internet?
Q. Has anybody met anyone genuine on the internet? I have met some really rude people and am beginning to wonder if it's me. Met one guy who sent me an email with bullet points saying why he didn't want to meet again. Another guy brought 3 con...
A. 21 August 2011: I've never done internet dating. I think that the general idea is one that could work. But I also think that it attracts a lot of people who are entirely unsuitable - men and woman from what I've heard.
My girlfriend actually tried internet dati... (read in full...)
He wants me to allow a violent friend to rent the room in my house. How do I say no to him?
Q. I am 50 with him 12 yrs. i do not work and we rent out a room . he is always gone he says to make extra money so why do i put up with people in my home . i dont have anything with him i feel so very bad. yes i do look for work. he says he loves me i...
A. 20 August 2011: You say "no".
And that's it. ... (read in full...)
I'm 22, she's 15 is it best to stop before things get started?
Q. I started talking to this girl recently, she seemed really nice, really pretty. Then one day we find out how old each other is, she thought I was 17, I'm 22, and I thought she was 18, the girl is 15. Nothing has happened for it to be a legal matte...
A. 20 August 2011: This isn't a good plan. A 32 year old dating a 25 year old - fine. A 22 year old dating a 15 year girl, who is still legally a child - not fine.
I would break it off now, or you might well find yourself on the register. ... (read in full...)
My ex lied and told me she had a miscarriage and now she wants child support!
Q. My ex girlfriend lied to me and said that she had a miscarriage but really didn't. She told me the baby had trisomy 18 and my sperm were defective and I'd never be able to have children. Can I sue her for emotional distress i experienced because of ...
A. 20 August 2011: I would see a lawyer - but don't hold your breath. This is the sort of case where they'll put the child's needs first, and not the parents'. Meaning will the court realistically think about whether you suing her is in the best interests of the ... (read in full...)
How do I get over my B/F one night stand in the short time we were not together?
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months and I broke up for a week. He had sex with someone else while we were broken up. I broke up with him and wouldn't talk to him and when I finally talked to him after that week I realized I wanted to be with him so we got back ...
A. 20 August 2011: You're actually asking the wrong question.
The question you need to be asking is why, after just 6 months, did you break up for just a week before getting back together. In my opinion, 6 months is a very short time for a couple, and if you brok... (read in full...)
I don't get hit on! Is it because I'm a redhead?
Q. Hi guy, just a question thats been troubling me for sometime now. I hardly get hit on by the opposite sex. I was wondering if its to do with the fact that im a redhead and have a lot of small freckles on my face and body?. After seeing comments...
A. 18 August 2011: My girlfriend is a redhead, and all my ex's have been redheads, except for one who dyed her hair red. So I'm one of those big fans of redheads.
It's not your hair. Might be a confidence thing instead, or maybe you're not in the right place to meet... (read in full...)
My wife thinks she's a failure and "broken" and "invalid" because she can't have children
Q. My wife and I have been together since we were 20, married since we were 23 and trying for a baby since we were 24. We're now 29 and recently (two months ago) found out that she is infertile. When we got the news, we were both devastated but my wife ...
A. 17 August 2011: I suppose this really must be the biggest deal for her right now. Even women who don't want children, who are then told they can't have them feel this way, so I guess this tops the 'bad things that can happen to a woman' list.
Before cons... (read in full...)
Guys: Are you more or less attracted to a girl when you've seen her without makeup?
Q. guys, are you more attracted to a girl after seeing her without makeup? perhaps less? I'm just curious to know what guys think on this topic. ...
A. 17 August 2011: Make up was never really supposed to act as a total cover-up for a woman. It was supposed to draw attention to a part of her, say her lips or her eyes. Some women nowadays use far too much make up and wind up looking like toucans!
I would alwa... (read in full...)
Get him back or get back at him, this time on my terms.
Q. So there is this guy i met 1 1/2 yr ago. He was a coworker and we slept together. I thought he really liked me. It turned out to be a one night stand and he left me hanging agonizing over him. I spent a yr wishing he would contact me. He got ...
A. 17 August 2011: You won't get what you want. For two reasons:
1 - You want things entirely on your terms. Impossible. There has to be come give and take. A relationship cannot be built entirely on person's terms.
2 - He didn't care before. He won't now. It's mos... (read in full...)
Heartbroken father of three loves his wife with all his heart, but.....
Q. My wife sent extremely sexually suggestive photos of herself to a guy that she had a sexual relationship with just before we started dating. We had been together for nine years when she did this. It was a part of some extremely sexually suggestive ...
A. 17 August 2011: I would absolutely agree with those who have said it's time to move on from her. She has checked out of the marriage, and she is guilty as hell and knows it - that's why she blames you. It's so much easier to blame you than it is to face up to what ... (read in full...)
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