A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My same sex partner and I have been together for about 4 years and we recently fight a lot over sex. The problem is I have a high sex drive and she doesnt. We have sat down and talked about it but she always gets so angry we never get anywhere. She says that me initiating sex annoys her because she feels pressured so for the last few weeks I have basically stopped discussing sex. Me not initiating sex has not made any difference in her wanting to. I have asked what I can do to pleasure her more, but she just gets angry. She says sex is boring with me and when we are fighting she often says I'm s**t in bed, so I have tried to spice things up by doing stuff a little different, but this seems to annoy her or she doesn't notice. She says that she feels that I have too much control over our sex life but I now feel that I have none as I am 'not allowed' to iniitate it. I am beginning to feel really down as she is so angry at me all the time for it. She will even yell at me if I am quiet or feeling down and says 'it's because you want to have sex isn't it?', even when I dont and havent mentioned it. I dont know what to do anymore. talking never works because she just gets angry and walks out. She will leave me alone for an entire weekend and say its because I wanted to have sex. What can I do? Is me wanting to have sex 2 times a week really deserving of this much anger?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2011): Female anon here again.
I guess the best way to sum it up is she wants out of this relationship but doesn't want to have the big talk. She isn't interested in working anything out which is why she runs away for days at a time.
The longer she stays the more resentful she gets and that resentment is taken out on you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2011): I have to agree. I don't think her heart is in this relationship anymore. She's unhappy and instead of doing what she needs to, she is miserable and taking her growing frustration out on you.
Sex twice weekly is quite normal and hardly the sign of a high sex drive. And even if there was something wrong with you, telling you you're 'shit in bed' is hardly a remedy.
When she storms out for days at a time she isn't leaving because she's angry with you. She already wanted to leave and is relieved at having an excuse to do so. Convining you it's your fault keeps you off her back.
It's over, I'm afraid.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (9 July 2011):
i would sit down and tell her you need to talk because you don,t know what to do anymore this anger doesnt sound like its just about sex i would try find out what is bothering her as for sex only twice a week that is nothing really i need sex twice a day
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 July 2011):
There is a lot more to this than just sex. And I'm not sure actually how much fault you need to take. This level of anger goes well beyond just sex.
You are in a relationship, and that does mean compromise. Some people have more libido, some less. But there is a way to compromise, and there are ways to spice it up to make sure when it happens, it is spectacular. And certainly you wanting sex 2 times a week doesn't deserve this huge level of anger. Far from it. And for her to assume that sex is the problem when you're down, and for her to storm out and leave for a few days, and for her to say you're shit in bed is bloody cruel OP, and you shouldn't be taking it.
I don't know anything about this girlfriend of yours, other than what you've posted. But I am willing to place a sizeable bet on the fact that she's actually not into you, and in fact isn't a lesbian. I think she believes she is, but is actually suffering from some kind of crisis in her head. Let me be clear that this is her problem, not yours, and only she can deal with it.
I don't think you should be with someone who actively says you're shit in bed, never takes into account your feelings, never listens or cares for you and says all your problems are because 'you want to have sex', and continually storms out when you try to talk. That's immature, and shows her up as having some seriously major issues that you shouldn't be around.
I think you should just move on. This woman is in no way suitable.
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