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Do relationships ever come out of FWB relationships?

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Question - (10 July 2011) 8 Answers - (Newest, 11 July 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

hi all do relationships ever come out of fuck buddys just wondering as me and this man are having sex and im really starting to fall for him i don,t want to tell him cos i don,t want to scare him off thanks everyone

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011):

No - the only way to find out is to dump him and see if he tries to take it up a level (see if he asks you out on a proper date). However, he will have lost respect for you and that's hard to get back. He might really like you - I'm sure he does - but put it this way, not very many men would propose to someone if they had that history with them. What on earth are you doing giving yourself away so easily anyway? Isn't your precious body worth a little more?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011):

Why buy the cow . . .

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (10 July 2011):

chigirl agony auntThey ever so rarely turn into relationship, but to my experience they are never good relationships. A relationship can not last if it is built on sex. Which is why you should wait with having sex in a relationship, until the relationship is ready for it. As a FWB relationship is based on sex, logically it does not have the right foundation for a loving relationship, which should be built on friendship preferably.

Sex too fast in a relationship disturbs the "flow" of the relationship. Sex very easily dominates the relationship. It quickly turns into everything there is in the relationship, especially when a relationship is founded on it! Breaking free from that foundation is near impossible, so I would not advice you to try to do it. It will only hurt you.

You and your FWB know each other not as persons, or as friends, but as sexual objects. You have started to fall for him not for who he is as a person, but for who he is as a sexual being, because that is how you know him. You instinctively seek more, which comes so natural. But realize you only seek more because you do not have the ability to separate physical intimacy with emotional intimacy. In a FWB relationship there is no emotional intimacy, only physical.

If you are only at the beginning stages of falling for him, tell him, and give him the options:

a) you stop having sex and start dating. NO SEX. This is important. If you can't hang out and have fun as a couple without sex, you can not have a relationship. If this works, wait with sex until you are at least a month into an official relationship, preferably longer (3 months maybe).

b) the FWB situation stops and you and him part ways so that you can get over him and find a man to be in a relationship with.

In either option, the sex with this man must stop. Or else you will only find yourself falling deeper, and end up hurt, I can close to guarantee it. Continuing with things as they are would be foolish. FWB can only work where there are no deeper feelings, and there are now deeper feelings.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (10 July 2011):

Tisha-1 agony aunt"I have something I would like to say, to keep us honest with each other. I'm starting to develop deeper feelings for you and have realized that I do want more than merely a physical connection with you. Maybe it's the wonderful sex, maybe it's your personality and the laughs we share, but whatever it is, what we have is starting to mean something important to me, something more than just FWB.

"I'm telling you this so that you can let me know if you are perhaps beginning to feel the same way towards me. If not, fair enough, we went in as FWB."

There is nothing wrong with asking for what you want. I think men aren't very good at mind-reading, bless them, and probably appreciate honesty more than we realize. If he's a good guy, he'll either let you down gently or let you know if he feels anything more for you. If he's a jerk, well, you don't want to be involved with a jerk, do you?

Be brave. It will help you get the life you want. Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2011):

Theres always an exception to the rule - but it's rare

Many women fall for their FWB its the way we are programmed and sex is the most intimate thing you can share with someone

He sees you, scratches an itch, then gets on with his life.Its not very likely you will be promoted to relationship role as he doesn't have to invest in you to get what he wants - and what you wanted.

I don't know how much you know about him but if it were me I would end it - if he comes back for more than sex,declaring the feelings mutual fine.But I wouldn't hold your breath.

Look after your heart. x

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (10 July 2011):

Exactly what So Very confused said.

Usually, nothing comes of FWB relationships. If you are falling for him, now is the time to either tell him or end it. If you don't, you'll never know how he feels, or you'll end up very hurt when he dumps you for a woman he does care for.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2011):

My current boyfriend and I started that way, but I'm well aware that our case is the exception, not the rule.

If you have feelings for him, I think it's best to tell him you can't continue the casual sex. If he sees you as more than just a FWB, he won't want to let you go, even if that means a more formal arrangement. If he doesn't, better you find out now than waste more of your time on him. Good luck

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (10 July 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntusually no nothing happens. if you are falling for him you either have to tell him or end it...

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