| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Should I dump my b/f because he isn't sympathetic when I'm having my period?
Q. My boyfriend isnt sympathetic when i am on my period, should i dump him ?. He calls me moody and says that he wont put up with the way i am every month when its my time of the month. I get severe cramps and it really gets me down. I know men dont ...
A. 9 September 2011: I have to say, it doesn't sound like he's really got his head around what a period is. As a woman once said to me, a period for a man would be like being kicked in the balls for a week non-stop. I imagine I'd be a bit moody and depressed too, to be ... (read in full...)
I felt betrayed! He proposed to me and then kisses my best friend??
Q. ok i have a boyfriend and we have been dating for six months and he proposed to me last week. then yesterday i saw him with my best friend kissing and i shouted at him and now he won't stop calling what to do?...
A. 9 September 2011: Six months was a little too soon to propose anyway in my opinion. But when he kissed your best friend, he sealed his fate. There is absolutely no way that you should have anything more to do with him or your best friend. Get rid of them both, or you ... (read in full...)
Weeks have went by, he said he'd call but he hasn't
Q. hello i am confused. this guy was going to ring me and get to know me but, weeks have gone past but noo reply, its kinda confusing i don't have his number and i am glad i don't. But it is nice to know where you stand if you get me any advic...
A. 9 September 2011: Move on from him. If he didn't call after 3 days, he was never going to. Sorry your time got wasted, but don't wait around. ... (read in full...)
Should I call him?
Q. Hullo, my question is i dated a guy for a year and so who promised me marriage but i guess he realized he coudnt manage so slowly withdrew and eventually called off the relationship saying we should just be friends but he still kept on calling ...
A. 8 September 2011: If a guy promises you marriage, then backtracks, claims you can be friends and then disappears entirely, you'd be INSANE to take him back or get back into contact.
This guy offers absolutely nothing to your life at all. Move on, be grateful that... (read in full...)
We both have partners but I really like him, am I living in a fantasy world or should I make a move on this guy?
Q. I am in a relationship that is going nowhere. My partner, though a good father to our child is a non violent alcoholic whom is emotionally abusive. Though I love him, I don't believe I am in love with him anymore. A few months back I met a man ...
A. 8 September 2011: You're in fantasy land on this one, I'm afraid. Currently, you see life like this:
You are in a deeply unhappy relationship that is abusive. You're not getting what you want from it, you're becoming lost in it and you're losing hope. This guy who ... (read in full...)
Due to be married to a woman who thinks sex is only for reproduction! I don't know if I can deal with a life without sex....
Q. hello everyone. I had a chat with my fiance the other evening. I was concerned about our lack of sexual activities. I asked why she never gives oral no hand jobs without asking. And very little sex. When we do have sex i do all for her oral and ...
A. 8 September 2011: I'll keep it short, since it's mostly been covered by the other posts:
Do not marry this woman. She isn't satisfying your needs, and her beliefs are entirely different to yours. This will only end in divorce, and pain for you (probably more than... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has no insecurity concerning me! I wish he'd be a little more protective...
Q. This may not seem like a huge problem but my boyfriend has no insecurity concerning me. He doesn't mind if I hang out with boys, even ones who fancy me. He just says he trusts me. I wish he'd be a little more protective. ...
A. 8 September 2011: Jealousy = no trust.
This is a route you do not want to go down.
You're not really asking for more protection - you're asking him to be jealous. Jealousy is something that quickly gets out of control. Protection is when a man is there for you when... (read in full...)
My ex is demanding money that he gave me as a gift
Q. my ex and i broke up almost a year ago, however since that time we have remained 'friends' (i say that loosely as its been a very turbulant time, sometimes we've got on and acted like a couple still, other times we argue constantly) he made my life ...
A. 8 September 2011: It was a gift, therefore he has no legal right to take it back from you. His threats and texts etc will all count against him. If anything, you'll be able to counter claim and say that he's harassing you. So entirely cut contact, keep anything that ... (read in full...)
Was it too soon to tell him I think about us having babies?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now..today I sent him a text message at random, saying that sometimes I think about us having babies. I asked him later if that was too weird of a text, because he didn't reply. He told me he just ...
A. 7 September 2011: I don't think that it was too soon. I just think you caught him off guard a bit. If my girlfriend sent me a totally random text that said she thought about having babies, I'd be caught off guard too and probably not know what to say either.
I thin... (read in full...)
Does his reasoning make sense and am I being really petty?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost five months. Things have been going generally fine, but he appears to have an issue with showing affection and care via text message. When something comes up, or if he has done something during the day, he ...
A. 7 September 2011: To be honest, I think he gave a very good reason as to why he struggles to open up. This has precisely nothing to do with you not being loved or cared for. That's a totally separate issue to what he's going through. Sometimes, I think women expect ... (read in full...)
How do I confront him about the texts I found on his phone?
Q. please can you help me, i checked my partner of 2 years phone and found a lot of girls numbers and some very sexy texts, which he has replied to, i am heartbroken ,how can cofront him when i had to put his pin number in to get in his phone ,i feel ...
A. 7 September 2011: Why are you worried about him turning it around on you? This guy has been caught red handed emotionally cheating at the very least. It's pretty clear that he has little respect for you, so why not just confront him, tell him what you know and dump ... (read in full...)
My ex wanted me to stop seeing the new guy so I did, and now he doesn't want to get back together anymore!
Q. I had been seeing this guy for about 5 months and was having a good time however one of my exs got back in contact with me. He phoned a few times and we flirted back and forth and recounted old memories. It made me realise how much i missed him and ...
A. 7 September 2011: I'm afraid this is the price of going back to the past. It nearly never works out. This ex was never interested in you as a person, or getting back with you. He merely wanted to destroy what you had.
Also, I am simply not convinced that this newe... (read in full...)
I'm just scared in case this effective sperm donor tries to claim MY child.
Q. I had a one night stand with a stranger several years ago... shameful bad naughty me, i get it. It was my one act of stupid foolish wildness that prompted me to be a better person, to never be so silly no matter what life throws my way. I am not the ...
A. 7 September 2011: You have precisely no right to stop him seeing your child if he gets into contact and can get a court order. But he has to go to court, explain his actions, pay all monies owed in terms of child support. A judge will then make a decision based on ... (read in full...)
He gets mad when I don't want sex!
Q. Hey guys, i'm 15 and basically i've been with my 16 year old boyfriend for 3 and a half months now, and we started having sex 2 months into our relationship. since then we've had it 37 times. I don't know if its right but I feel completely taken for ...
A. 7 September 2011: You're not only being taken for granted, but he's actually breaking the law.
Some women spends their lives being used by men. Don't become one of them. ... (read in full...)
Do ALL men really watch porn??
Q. I guess I should ask this as a curiousity question, aimed at men preferrably. Now, I have been on this site awhile and asked and answered a few questions. What I always hear on the topic of porn- ALL MEN WATCH PORN. Is this true? Now I will say...
A. 7 September 2011: I also agree with person12345. That's a very good answer. ... (read in full...)
Don't want to do anything stupid. Should I tell my "friend" that I like his girlfriend, but I'm not going to act on my feelings?
Q. so im in love with my "friend's" girlfriend and have been since february. I just want to be with her so much and everytime i speak or talk to her i just want to kiss her. we are quite good friends and talk very often. we text and facebook. i told...
A. 5 September 2011: Say nothing. To say anything at all will be seen as the highest betrayal of friendship. This is one time where you've got to keep your mouth closed, and get over her in your own time. ... (read in full...)
Am I expecting too much from him? five years into our relationship and still he remains at the beck and call of his ex and others.
Q. I have been in a relationship with my partner for over 5 years. Lots of difficulties have came from his ex wife, daughter, his mother and his mother's friend. I have struggled to understand why. I can see clearly now that these 4 women have had ...
A. 5 September 2011: You can do precisely nothing. You can't make him change, you can't make them change.
What you have to do is decide whether you want to be with this man as he is, or whether you would be better moving on. I think sometimes women see the pote... (read in full...)
What are my options for the future, in view of how he speaks to me and lies to me?
Q. I have been trying for the past 2 years to cope with the knowledge that my husband had been deceiving me for 5 years by joining internet dating sites and cheating on me. My dilemma this time is the other night he was telling me that we dont tak...
A. 5 September 2011: I think the best thing to do is walk away from him. He's just a dreadful man really. ... (read in full...)
I've uncovered the truth, but he won't say anymore!?!
Q. I have a huge problem! I started dating this man, he told me that his past wife died, I fell in love, well through time things were not adding up, red flags. Come to find out his wife did not die! He is married. I confronted him and he said he would ...
A. 4 September 2011: Just run. Don't try to get the truth out, don't look for a reason, don't think this man will suddenly turn into a good guy and tell you all. He lied all that time, so he'll lie now.
Just tell him you know and cut contact. ... (read in full...)
Why not cheat? I am interested in all your ideas and suggestions please
Q. I have been married over 10 years. Before marriage had a very active sex life. As soon as we were married, it became less, and less and kept getting less until it was 3 years. I brought it up to him, then we went to counseling, then I brought it u...
A. 4 September 2011: Lac of intimacy? Yes, it's a good enough reason. Being a good guy isn't always enough. There has to be more to a relationship that just that.
He's a good guy, and you get along. But that seems to be it. In my opinion, lack of sex at this stag... (read in full...)
What are my options for the future, in view of how he speaks to me and lies to me?
Q. I have been trying for the past 2 years to cope with the knowledge that my husband had been deceiving me for 5 years by joining internet dating sites and cheating on me. My dilemma this time is the other night he was telling me that we dont tak...
A. 4 September 2011: I think it says three things: 1 - That you are very low on confidence. 2 - That he is a pretty vile man. 3 - That he has a problem with alcohol. I think the time has come for you to face facts here, sadly. And you might not like them. For ... (read in full...)
People keep calling me frigid. It pressures me and upsets me. How can I better deal with this?
Q. Im ábout to turn 16 years old and i have never had sexual contact with a boy. Sure ive made out with a few, but never any further. Its not that im 'frigid' or anything i just havent found the right person. However, when anyone hears that i havent d...
A. 4 September 2011: Yep, just ignore it.
One day, those same people will be on a site like this asking why they allowed themselves to be used, or regretting having sex with the wrong person at first, or wondering why tey have an STD or are pregnant or something.
St... (read in full...)
Why not cheat? I am interested in all your ideas and suggestions please
Q. I have been married over 10 years. Before marriage had a very active sex life. As soon as we were married, it became less, and less and kept getting less until it was 3 years. I brought it up to him, then we went to counseling, then I brought it u...
A. 4 September 2011: If you can't stay committed, then why stay married? Makes no sense to cheat. It'll only make you look bad, and then everyone will point at you and blame you for the inevitable divorce anyway.
Doesn't really seem like there's anything left in the ... (read in full...)
How can I make him know how sorry I am?
Q. I need some help, I broke up with my 'boyfriend' because I thought he was having second thoughts about us. A few days before we broke up he told me that we weren't actually going out but just in a 'friendly relationship' which I took the wrong way ...
A. 3 September 2011: I think that overly, he's been honest, even if what he did at first was confusing. He's going to be moving away, and rather than string you along or hurt you needlessly, he's made the decision that it's best for you both to move on. Even when you ... (read in full...)
Should we work things out or does my wanting to see other people pretty much mean the end?
Q. ok, so me and my ex (but we are supposed to be working on things) have been together for almost 4 yrs and have 2 yr old together.....but my thing is he has cheated 3 times and the 4th time he messed around it was not really cheating he broke up with ...
A. 3 September 2011: I think the fact that he's cheated 4 times is enough for you to not go back to him.
There is a point where you have to stop allowing yourself to be abused, and this is the time for you.
The fact that you want to see other people is just your min... (read in full...)
Should my brother have told me?
Q. I have been torned up about my ex's cheating thats why he is now my ex...but all through my 22 yrs of marriage I always thought we had a fairytale marriage until 4 years ago ...I was devastated to say the least.....so now we're separated I am ...
A. 3 September 2011: I think it would have been much more sensitive to have not said that. You don't even know if it's true - perhaps your brother said it out of spite to this man, or to try and get you to move on (not that it worked) But, you have to remember that your ... (read in full...)
Cheating for 7years and a child to another woman!!
Q. my husband has been having an affair for 7 years with his female college friend and a male college friend of his told me that she admited to her close friend that her 6 year old gaughter is my husbands. he has changed alot and swears at me every day ...
A. 3 September 2011: This man has had an affair for 7 years, he's had another child with that woman who is 6, and he has lied in front of your son. He won't even move departments himself, let alone send her elsewhere. He's clearly still got to see her.
I would take... (read in full...)
Is it possible to be unlovable???
Q. I know a lot of you think this is stupid but I have my reasons for this question. This is examples from everyone in my life... My dad thinks I'm the worst person. He often laments about how I am not a boy (or I guess a man now.) He constantly re...
A. 2 September 2011: Your very first sentence sums up everything really. You are truly a woman who has had every ounce of confidence entirely knocked out of her.
You are definitely not cursed, even it does seem that way. But the cruelty of your father has been enou... (read in full...)
I should feel sorry for her but I hate her and her perfect life!
Q. He's got a girlfriend and he knows I like him. He said he wants to sleep with me even though he's with her like I'm some sl*t or something. She's oblivious to what he's like. She must be, he been trying to get in my pants for nearly two years behind ...
A. 2 September 2011: I'm guessing your self esteem wasn't that high before. This is sadly the sort of thing that can damage it more. But there is no doubt that he's the problem, not you. You're focusing on how a man who wanted to cheat was treating you. This is a lucky ... (read in full...)
I should feel sorry for her but I hate her and her perfect life!
Q. He's got a girlfriend and he knows I like him. He said he wants to sleep with me even though he's with her like I'm some sl*t or something. She's oblivious to what he's like. She must be, he been trying to get in my pants for nearly two years behind ...
A. 2 September 2011: But that's not your fault. That's his fault. That's down to how he feels about women and how he treats them.
Just because one lousy guy treats you this way doesn't mean that you're the problem. You're not. The problem is that your own self este... (read in full...)
I should feel sorry for her but I hate her and her perfect life!
Q. He's got a girlfriend and he knows I like him. He said he wants to sleep with me even though he's with her like I'm some sl*t or something. She's oblivious to what he's like. She must be, he been trying to get in my pants for nearly two years behind ...
A. 2 September 2011: No one's asking you to feel sorry for her. But you do need to look at your own life and really work out why you feel so low about yourself. ... (read in full...)
I should feel sorry for her but I hate her and her perfect life!
Q. He's got a girlfriend and he knows I like him. He said he wants to sleep with me even though he's with her like I'm some sl*t or something. She's oblivious to what he's like. She must be, he been trying to get in my pants for nearly two years behind ...
A. 2 September 2011: Yes but it's all a lie because he was trying to cheat on her. He probably is cheating on her with someone else even now. So what's worse? To be someone who has at least escaped from a guy like that? Or to be the one living a lie?... (read in full...)
I should feel sorry for her but I hate her and her perfect life!
Q. He's got a girlfriend and he knows I like him. He said he wants to sleep with me even though he's with her like I'm some sl*t or something. She's oblivious to what he's like. She must be, he been trying to get in my pants for nearly two years behind ...
A. 2 September 2011: You're really not the one worse off. If you can get out of that frame of mind, you'll see what I mean. He might have tried what he did with you. But he's actually treating her far worse.... (read in full...)
I should feel sorry for her but I hate her and her perfect life!
Q. He's got a girlfriend and he knows I like him. He said he wants to sleep with me even though he's with her like I'm some sl*t or something. She's oblivious to what he's like. She must be, he been trying to get in my pants for nearly two years behind ...
A. 2 September 2011: Why? Because she's probably a decent girl who he knows he can use. You're both in the same situation. Sadly for her, she's the one stuck with him. At the very least you're not with him and you've cut contact to avoid him. You're the one in the ... (read in full...)
I should feel sorry for her but I hate her and her perfect life!
Q. He's got a girlfriend and he knows I like him. He said he wants to sleep with me even though he's with her like I'm some sl*t or something. She's oblivious to what he's like. She must be, he been trying to get in my pants for nearly two years behind ...
A. 2 September 2011: But he doesn't' care about her. How can he care about her if he's been trying to get with you for two years? Cheats and those attempting to cheat don't care or respect their partners.
And she does deserve happiness, just like you. And, like you,... (read in full...)
I should feel sorry for her but I hate her and her perfect life!
Q. He's got a girlfriend and he knows I like him. He said he wants to sleep with me even though he's with her like I'm some sl*t or something. She's oblivious to what he's like. She must be, he been trying to get in my pants for nearly two years behind ...
A. 2 September 2011: You're not a bitch. I'm just trying to understand why you're jealous of a girl who is living in a lie and doesn't realize it. Why do you feel so low that you look to her and think she's smug?... (read in full...)
I should feel sorry for her but I hate her and her perfect life!
Q. He's got a girlfriend and he knows I like him. He said he wants to sleep with me even though he's with her like I'm some sl*t or something. She's oblivious to what he's like. She must be, he been trying to get in my pants for nearly two years behind ...
A. 2 September 2011: No, he'll get found out. I just think it's very sad for you that you hate her because you think she's 'smug'. It really suggests that you need to take a different direction in your own life. Nothing good can come of being jealous of a woman who's so ... (read in full...)
I should feel sorry for her but I hate her and her perfect life!
Q. He's got a girlfriend and he knows I like him. He said he wants to sleep with me even though he's with her like I'm some sl*t or something. She's oblivious to what he's like. She must be, he been trying to get in my pants for nearly two years behind ...
A. 2 September 2011: With the greatest of respect, I think he wants you on the side because you're so low in confidence that he thinks you're an easy target. Girls with low confidence are often easy targets for guys like this. And you are low in confidence.
Also, her ... (read in full...)
Why would he try repeatedly to hang out with me, and then stand me up?!
Q. two times in a row this guy has initiated a text conversation and asked me if i wanted to hang out the following day; both times he has stood me up without so much as a word, what gives?! i know his work schedule is kinda all over the place, and he ...
A. 2 September 2011: Maybe he likes to have his ego stroked, knowing you're there. Maybe he's coward. Maybe he already has a girlfriend you don't know about. Maybe there's another reason.
Whatever the reason, to have a man stand you up twice is one time two many, espe... (read in full...)
I am fed up with his paranoia!
Q. I have been going out my bf for 5 months now and he has started to say he loves me n getting quite clingy. He is very paranoid about me talking to other guys or when I'm away out and we have had a couple of fights about it already. I am on the fence ...
A. 2 September 2011: I totally agree with Moo's Mum's post.
Paranoia is a very bad sign in a man (or woman). When a guy is acting this way after just 5 months, you need to listen to those alarm bells and make a run for it. The paranoia won't go away without seri... (read in full...)
Why does he do this to me?
Q. I've been seeing a man on and off since April. He still doesn't want to be in a relationship, he's says he's not ready. I've poured my heart out to him and he means the world to me. We've slept together a few times and always have a good time ...
A. 2 September 2011: The only feelings he has for you are ones of lust. He comes to you to have sex knowing full well that you will let your feelings get in the way of your judgement and have sex with him.
You're very right about him - if he cared, he'd have acted on t... (read in full...)
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