A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Help.I have a long term boyfriend of seven years who I love dearly. We have plans to marry in the next two years. I have a very close family friend. Someone I grew up with. I have always loved him. We both know that we are attracted to each other at one time we kissed and this was when we were both single but due to family issues we both decided it was better to let it be.seven years later i'm spending time with him and his family while i'm volunteering away from home. About two weeks ago we got pretty drunk and kissed again. It was heated but we both stopped before it got out of hand. He is now married with a newborn son. We both decided that what happened happened. That we are both attracted to each other..but that in order to preserve our lives we need to stay neutral. We both love each other. I guess i'm wondering what to do. I feel guilty. I get along well with his wife. She confides in me about problems in their marriage. I feel terrible. I also have difficulty looking at him and we hardly talk much. I feel butterflies and nervous when I look at him. I think he finds my gaze either uncomfortable or he also has some feelings. I'm here for another few weeks. I know I should just ignore it and move on especially since I know I have no future with him. I don't want a relationship with him. I don't want to wreck his marriage but I still want friendship and I still want him in my life. So how can I do this respectfully. this is definately the worst thing i've done i guess that's why there is such agony. advice would be very helpful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): I would cut contact with the friend. You've already cheated imo.
If you really dearly love bf, you shouldn't do this to him imo. I agree with the other input, it seems he is second choice to this other man who you can't have. Your bf deserves better than this.
Start to work on your relationship and figure out why you cheated on him. Is it something to do with you or with him or with the two of you?
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 January 2011):
You can't. This sounds like you wanting to have your cake and eat it more than anything. He's married, and you're supposedly in love with this boyfriend who you plan to marry. You can't seriously think that this attraction will just disappear. It won't. It'll just get worst. You've already cheated on your boyfriend, so why risk it.
I think you need to seriously think about your life and where it's going now. Because to me, you don't seem committed enough to your boyfriend. If you love your boyfriend that much, then you'd cut contact right now and make your relationship work. That's what you do. And if you can't do that after cheating, then your boyfriend is not the one and you should move on.
So make a choice. Boyfriend, or the cheating guy? You won't be able to have both, because at some point you'll cheat and get found out, then you'll wind up with no husband, no friend and a bad reputation.
You really love your boyfriend? Prove it, and prove you're a decent woman and cut contact with the friend you've cheated with. If you can't do that, then you don't love or respect your boyfriend enough.
My feelings are you don't love your boyfriend enough, and you seem to just want to keep him around because you can't have the one you really want. That's unfair, and it'll become a blotch on your character.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): its ok to be friends but the type of friend you shouldnt be with this guy is"a close friend". Its better you give this guy great space and a long distance. Pls stop his wife from confiding in you. Dont even allow her discuss her husband at all with you, so that this fire thats burning quietly wont one day suddenly explode in your face. Peace.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): Well, you are BOTH cheating emotionally, and physical cheating has started, and if you don't stay away it will cause a lot of harm in the future.
You also drink with him, and do things when intoxicated that you wouldn't do if you were not intoxicated, but that you want to do when you are not intoxicated.
So, you have clear choices.
"I still want friendship"
"I don't want to wreck his marriage"
What you are doing is wrecking his marriage, what you are doing is betraying friendship, consensually.
You are betraying his wife and his child as well, portraying yourself as a friend while you cheat with the spouse.
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