Can and should a relationship continue once violence has started?

A female age 30-35, *nsectica writes:

Last night my boyfriend and I got really drunk at my place to try and re-celebrate our new years. We were both running off 5 hours of sleep that night and I was very moody due to the time of the month. He also has bipolar disorder and has frequent hour long rages. We got in a really heated argument about something really small, but it escalated to him putting me down verbally and I got very upset and slapped him. He kept on going and I slapped him again on the cheek. I hardly remember what words were said at that point, but out of nowhere a few minutes later into our argument he backhanded me in the face really hard. At that point my instinct to fight back/protect myself took over and I grabbed him by his hair and pulled him down into a lock with my legs somewhere around his body. I was so furious but scared at the same time that I started attacking him by pulling his hair out and hitting him on the head with my hands and feet. I don't know when I've ever been this violent towards anyone, but my own father. I grew up in an abusive household and my father used to beat me as a kid all the way until I was a young woman. I'm 20 now. When I grew older I realized that I didn't have to take getting hit by anyone, so I began to fight back every time my dad would hit me. I've never been able to forget what went on between my dad and I even though it stopped when the state got involved, and I feel this has a lot to do with why I attacked my boyfriend after he hit me in the face. He eventually got out of the lock and pushed me to the ground. At that point I stopped attacking him, but every time I got up he would push me back down with force. He began telling me that I was lucky that he didn't kill me because he could have easily killed me if he wanted. I tried to stop him from leaving because he was very drunk and I didn't want him to get in a car accident while he drove back home an hour away. He pushed me down and left at that point. I have really deep cuts and bruises all over my body. I'm unsure of how to deal with this emotional pain. We haven't spoken again since last night, but I know it will eventually happen as he left many things at my house and will want them back. I feel horrible that I hit my boyfriend because I love him more than anything, but I'm also upset that he hit me back. I know I was in the wrong for hitting him. I sobered up over night and immediately felt so much remorse. I'm not an alcoholic, in fact I hardly ever drink. He has been around me being drunk many times while he was sober, but i've never been around him while he was really drunk along with me. It's obviously not the best combo, but in order to avoid an alcohol/domestic abuse problem I want to get help as soon as possible. I'm not pressing charges and I informed him of that, was it the right thing to do? I took photos of my injuries just in case. I'm willing to forgive him and move on because I have learned to be really patient with him for the past 2 and a half years every time I've had to deal with his bipolar lash outs and death threats. I really love him, and I know that he loves me back. But can AND should a relationship continue once this violence has happened? I'm afraid there is no hope. I'm really scared and depressed. Please help me.

View related questions: alcoholic, depressed, drunk, move on, violent

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