A
female
age
30-35,
*assadaga
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. He and I are honest about everything and are open about many things. I have asked him over and over if he looks and other women. But he says he doesn't look at other girls. I don't think I can believe this.He is skinny, and very attractive, he always has girls wanting to be with him, I on the other hand am pretty, but overweight and I know he is out of my league. He has told me he looked at other girls earlier in our relationship, so why would he stop? I really don't care if he does, because its human nature. But I just don't want him to lie about it. Granted, he isn't like most men, he hates porn and anything degrading to women. It is still hard to believe, though. Why look at me, when you could look at someone prettier? Do you think its possible for a man not to look at other women, or am I over reacting?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 December 2010):
Yes, you're overreacting. You're doing that ever tiresome thing which is to not just accept that he is with you, likes you, loves you and can't be bothered with other women. The truth is he probably does look at them, but because he's so into you, he never ever registers it.
Please stop making a big deal of it. This is scary, somewhat needy behaviour and at the moment he's taking it with good grace. But he'll get tired of it, think you don't trust it and wind up dumping you.
If he's that good looking, and other girls like him, then he could have chosen them. He didn't. He chose you. But unless you accept his love with good grace instead of accusations of lying, you'll lose him and gain a reputation as someone who is too needy.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 December 2010):
Yes, you're overreacting. You're doing that ever tiresome thing which is to not just accept that he is with you, likes you, loves you and can't be bothered with other women. The truth is he probably does look at them, but because he's so into you, he never ever registers it.
Please stop making a big deal of it. This is scary, somewhat needy behaviour and at the moment he's taking it with good grace. But he'll get tired of it, think you don't trust it and wind up dumping you.
If he's that good looking, and other girls like him, then he could have chosen them. He didn't. He chose you. But unless you accept his love with good grace instead of accusations of lying, you'll lose him and gain a reputation as someone who is too needy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): Have you thought about the fact that you - with your chub chub, curves, face, looks - everything that you are physically, is what he likes and is attracted to? Its possible that you are his type. Everyone notices a pretty person (whether male or female), but it doesn't mean he's thinking that the other person is better than you or prettier or that is what he wishes he had. He looked at other girls early in the relationship because he wasn't in love yet, once you're in love its a very different ball game - suddenly you have your love blinders on and you pay less attention to pretty people. Sounds like you have an honest and nice guy. Don't torment him too much with this silly stuff...
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (31 December 2010):
 If he's with you means he's happy. It could be easy for him to change girls like socks, but he rather stays with you, he likes your company, you make him happy by being who you are.
Of course he notices other girls, he's not blind, for Christ's sake, but he doesn't consider a relationship with some other girl, who can make him a bit more happy or make him feel like crap. He doesn't take this risk, so he chosen you.
As for the overweight thingy... try to eat healthy food, and do exercise daily or at least 2-3 times a week. This is something individual, you do it for YOURSELF, not for him. I lost 12 kilos in 2 months under medical supervision because I had hormone unbalance. Even the doctor told me that the key is EXERCISING A LOT.
Best wishes and a Happy New Year!
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A
male
reader, Moonknight +, writes (31 December 2010):
 When a man has true feelings for a woman, his ability to notice other women lowers dramatically. Take his word for it, or you will turn him away.It's not just about looks some people are more responsible than others, same thing with relationships, it takes a responsible man to understand that a girl who he connects with, and can live with, who makes him happy, will always be a better choice every time over the perfect blonde who he has nothing incommon with. That perfect blondes becomes very unattractive fast no matter how pretty she is.Further more you should already know in his eyes your perfect, don't ruin that by calling him a liar etc....
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A
female
reader, ThatsMyCookie +, writes (31 December 2010):
 First of all, I really think you should stop asking him to not look at other women. In his mind, this will probably translate to "I'm really jelous and over protective and you can never ever be free of me EVER!!!!"
To you and me, this sounds crazy, and I can see that your only trying to make yourself more comfortable in your relationship. But to him, it's making him feel restricted. Imagine hes lying in bed and you are the cover. Every time you ask him not to look at other girls, the cover gets tighter. Naturally, the tighter it gets, the more he will try to push it off of him, until eventually he will shove it away altogether because he couldn't breathe.
You need to be a light comfy cover that isn't tight at all, and if you work it right, he'll be the one pulling you closer.
So dont keep bothering him. Believe in what he tells you. It is so easy to be insecure in a relationship, but you have to relax and dont work yourself up about it. He's going out with YOU, not the many women throwing themselves at him, and that is for a reason!
Just trust him.
If you are uncomfortable about your weight, the main thing you do is excersise. It doesn't matter what diet you go on, you hacve to exercise to make it work. :)
Hope it works out for you :)
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Of course he notices other women. Everyone can't help but notice others no matter what relationship they are in and it's wrong to try and lie about it.
Now though what you think he find attractive and what he actually does are probably two completely different things. You think he would be better suited to a media attractive girl which is probably not the case. He is with you because you have so much to offer him. He is with you because he loves you for who you are and even if he could get any skinny girl he wanted it would not be worth the risk to lose all that you two have for someone who chances are won't have nearly the same strength in a bond.
I think that you are over reacting but in the way that you're only focusing on what you can't give him. That being a skinny girl which he probably doesn't want. He loves you for who you are and you need to focus as best as you can on all the things that you two have that no other person would be able to give him. Don't be modest either, there is so much here.
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