A
female
age
36-40,
*anwanzhong
writes:Guys,have you ever liked/interested in a girl a bit in the beginning (when you first met her),but when you got to know her a little bit better,you started to lose interest and you didn't want to go out with her,but you wanted to be her friend?If yes,why?P.S. she has never known that you liked her. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 January 2011):
It was a mixture of two thing. I was physically attracted to her, but also I'd knew a few things about her that I liked. It was just over a bit more time that I realized that we made better friends than anything else.
A
female
reader, wanwanzhong +, writes (31 December 2010):
wanwanzhong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo CaringGuy,
Thank you very much for your reply :-)
You started to lose interest in her because both of you didn't have anything in common.Then why were you attracted to her in the very beginning?Was it just physical/sexual attraction?
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A
female
reader, wanwanzhong +, writes (31 December 2010):
wanwanzhong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Jmtmj,
Thank you very much for your reply:-)
You said she was just more compatible as a friend and you found out both of you probably wouldn't work well as a couple.So you started to lose interest in her,right?Then,why were you attracted to her in the very beginning?Was it just physical/sexual attraction?
Actually,I met this guy in my university (in a rehearsal in music society) 1 year ago. He was quite nice and friendly.When I first met him,I introduced myself and we talked a bit. After we have finished our first rehearsal, all of us (members) had a social in a bar. This guy approached me and he pointed at the pool table and asked me(he smiled and he was friendly),"do you want to play the pool?I can teach you" I said "ah..okay". After awhile,he repeated,"do you want to play the pool?I can teach you".I said 'yes'.He said,"there are a lot of people playing the pool now.It's full.Let's wait until there's an available table" I said "ok".After awhile, he approached me again and asked me,"i can compose music. You can come to my room (he lives on campus) next time and I'll show you my works". I was like "umm..." Later on,he said this to me again.
(I just want to know whether this was a date or he was just being friendly?)
One week later,I saw him again in the music rehearsal. He treated me like a shit this time! Four of us (we met one more guy,called Sam and one more girl called Mary in the rehearsal) had a social in a bar after the music rehearsal. We were drinking and talking. This guy suggested that we could play the game on his mobile phone. Actually I played the worst and I lost the game for a few times.Then he kept calling me 'stupid' like," oh! you stupid! You lost again! Oh!you stupid! You ruined the game!" Sam and Mary played the game well and he complimented them by saying "hmm..quite good!" or "not bad"...but he just kept calling me "stupid"! I was very upset and a bit angry! I almost wanted to cry. It was not my fault that I lost the game. Why did he treat me like this?! I expected that everyone was friendly and polite because it was just our second time to meet each other. I felt excluded as he kept calling me "stupid". I am always nice, outgoing and friendly to everyone, but he treated me like a shit, so I disliked him a bit at that time. Then I said,"i gotta go now. Today is Halloween. I 'm going to the xxx castle with my friends now" He asked me,"oh,then why didn't you invite me?" I just ignored him and walked away.
but sometimes he's nice to me. For example, he knows that I can play piano (I've told him this before). Once during the rehearsal,he just approached me and gave me a copy of piano sheet music out of nowhere. He asked me,"hey,xxx(my name),can you play this piece?I've printed it out.You can try to practice this one.I know this piece is quite challenging but still this is an amazing piece" Actually I didn't expect him to do this...because I've never asked him to print any sheet music for me...anyway, it was very kind of him to do this...
I used to see him only as my friend and we were not that close.A few months ago,we were closer and we became good friends,but he started flirting with me,touching me a lot(played with my hair,touched my back,put my hair into his mouth and bit it and told me the smell of my hair was even better than my cooking..etc.),asking me a couple of times whether I liked him sexually or not,always telling me my crush was very ugly,asked me whether he could replace my crush,telling me he would lose me or I would definitely remember him if he got drunk...etc. I originally thought that he liked me in a romantic way.So I started to fall for him. A month ago, when I texted him telling him I loved him as more than a friend,he didn't respond to my text at all! After a month,we talked to each other again.He asked me whether I had got over him.He also told me he wasn't in love with me and he wouldn't go out with me.When my best friend asked him whether he liked me or not,he just said,"no,she's weird,crazy and noisy.She's just my friend."
So,now,my question is:Is it possible that he was attracted to me physically/sexually when he first met me?But as he got to know me better,he started to lose interest in me and sees me only as his good friend? Now,I feel hurt and I think he has led me on....:'-(
Here is my whole story:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/if-shes-attractive-will-you-lose-your-control.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/does-my-guy-friend-like-me-romantically-sexually.html
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A
female
reader, wanwanzhong +, writes (31 December 2010):
wanwanzhong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your reply :-)
To Normen Bates:
When you first met her and were attracted to her,did you want to go out with her at that time?Any emotional feelings for her apart from sexual feelings?
"but once we learn a little more about you that attraction either increases or evaporates." ---how about remains unchanged?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 December 2010):
Yes, it's happened a few times. It always happened when I found out that I just didn't really have anything in common with them. Maybe that's what has happened with this guy. Maybe he realized that you'd make a better friend. Or perhaps he tried to get your attention and failed, and he gave up and made you a friend.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Sure. She was just more compatible as a friend and I found out we probably wouldn't work well as a couple.
But how is that helpful to you?
Wanna be more specific about your situation or stick to this abstract hypothetical?
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A
male
reader, Normen Bates  +, writes (31 December 2010):
I used to work with this girl who when I first met her, initially, I was attracted to her beyond anything imaginable. I don't necessarily have a "type", however, I do have things that attract me a lot quicker than others. She had every quality that I looked for in a women physically, brown skin, dark hair, well dressed, but once I got to know more about her personality over the course of the year I worked with I realized I was only attracted to her physically.When men are first attracted to a women they don't know personally its 100% physical, because we don't know how you think, act, or even what you value (Money, Clothes, ETC) but once we learn a little more about you that attraction either increases or evaporates. This girl in particular was extremely attractive but she was a complete user, a blood sucking leach, and she unknowingly, well, maybe she did know because she was damn good at it. Anyway, she'd use men to get whatever she wanted lunch, dinner and the lot. Once I realized what she was out for I quickly tired to distance myself from her. Luckily she never used me......or at least I don't think she did.
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A
male
reader, Normen Bates +, writes (31 December 2010):
I used to work with this girl who when I first met her, initially, I was attracted to her beyond anything imaginable. I don't necessarily have a "type", however, I do have things that attract me a lot quicker than others. She had every quality that I looked for in a women physically, brown skin, dark hair, well dressed, but once I got to know more about her personality over the course of the year I worked with I realized I was only attracted to her physically.When men are first attracted to a women they don't know personally its 100% physical, because we don't know how you think, act, or even what you value (Money, Clothes, ETC) but once we learn a little more about you that attraction either increases or evaporates. This girl in particular was extremely attractive but she was a complete user, a blood sucking leach, and she unknowingly, well, maybe she did know because she was damn good at it. Anyway, she'd use men to get whatever she wanted lunch, dinner and the lot. Once I realized what she was out for I quickly tired to distance myself from her. Luckily she never used me......or at least I don't think she did.
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