A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a married man,38. I have strong feelings for an older woman who is also married and is a friend of us.I can tell from her looks that she has the same feeling. Nothing has happened up to this moment, not a word expressed, nothing at all.Can someone please tell me:a) How can I break this ice between us and talk to her in a more freindly way?b) How can I handle this relationship once it gets started?
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affair, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (5 January 2011):
I don't think I've read a more selfish question on this board than this. Let's rephrase the question, shall we? "Dear Agony Aunts, how do I go about destroying my marriage and the marriage of one of my friends so that I can get of sexually." What a pathetic life you must lead.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): If you cannot manage to 1) be faithful; 2) be respectful; 3) moral; 4) mature and a host of other things reflective of human decency... and if you cannot manage to keep your pants zipped...
May I suggest adding a bit of salt peter to your meals; and/or keeping your pants zipped up firmly and tightly.
Or, you will wind up at the other end of her husband's fist, and/or in divorce court.
Use common sense and go get some counseling pronto.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): You have to let her be the one to really make the first move. If you are misreading her (which we all know happens all the time when trying to read women) and you make a move you will end up losing your wife AND never getting her.
Just continue to play things quietly. If you make eye contact now and then, maybe flirt lightly from time to time, she will eventually signal she's interested in more.
As for your wife, I understand why you're feeling the way you are. I am married and have a little affair going with a married friend, we get together for the sex. It's great!
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A
female
reader, Darlie +, writes (2 January 2011):
Welp, people want all kinds of things. That doesnt necessarily mean they should go for everything they WANT, but instead, perhaps they should focus on what they HAVE and how they would FEEL if they lost it all??
And, you may be completely wrong about how you're reading your wifes friend. Just what would you do if she slapped the daylights out of you at the suggestion, then told your wife??
LOL...betta leave that alone. Better yet, you should file for divorce imediately, because the honor in you is dead.
Trust me...be thankful you are not my husband, because if you were, and I caught you with one of my friends??
Ol' boy---you'd be regretting the DAY you came into my life and had the nerve to screw it all up because you THINK you just CAN.
Why did you ever get married in the first place??
Divorce her. She can do sooooo much better. Then, you can have all the flings you want.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): Yeah. Affairs can be life affirming and positive if you are the one having one and not your wife.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (2 January 2011):
 Unlike others here I'm in no position to lecture you on your morals. On the contrary I believe that a good affair from time to time can be a positive and life affirming thing and can even leave you with a better marriage. HOWEVER, speaking purely practically, starting an affair with your wife's friend has about a 95% chance of becoming a train wreck and doing genuine damage to several people's lives. Bad idea. Don't do it.
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A
female
reader, Fabulosa +, writes (2 January 2011):
 There's no answer that question because there is no good way to cheat. Why don't you ask... how do u get over theses feeling I have for a family friend? Or... How do I make my marriage better? Or...how can I stop being a dirt bag husband? You made vows so the only third person that is allowed in your marriage is God.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): So, you want to know how to have an affair and have the nerve to ask for tips on how to go about it? Like caringguy said, get a divorce and if she also gets one then see what happens.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 January 2011):
Why not get a divorce and see whether she gets one. If she does, then she actually feels the same way, and then you won't be having an affair, you won't be destroying someone else's marriage and you won't be hurting your wife.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 January 2011):
 Wow, go out and get yourself some morals dude!
I hope she turns you down and tells your wife, then you will get all the drama you can handle.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): Do you really need to ask advice about something that demonstrates you have NO thought whatsoever for your wife, her feelings about this, how she would, or will feel once she finds out her husband is actually not only planning on deceiving her, but actually asking advice on how to do it!
I'm surprised DC has posted this question as it is amoral, and it really shows your lack of principles or integrity, you are talking about your marriage here, and someone who has given their trust and life to you. I speak my mind, and as as a relationship counsellor, feel this is really inappropriate.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (2 January 2011):
 If you feel something towards this woman, you need to end things between you and your wife instead of betraying her this way. If this friend of yours has any amount of decency in her she will tell you the same and tell you that what you intend to do is foul to say the least.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (2 January 2011):
 Surely there's a website out there dedicated to helping people who are determined to destroy their marriage and instigate affairs...
Maybe you should go find it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): Do you really want to complicate your life - it is a bit like contemplating pressing the self destruct button. You sense this woman feels as you do. She may be attracted to you but may not want to take a risk with her own relationship. You have no way of knowing without the risk of rebuff. You may be rejected and if not, have you thought of all the implications.
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (2 January 2011):
 Are you seriously expecting people here to advise you on infidelity???
The politest advice I personally can give is - don't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): You are married. Do you know what marriage means? Will your wife(and if you have kids) be fine if they come to know about it. You not only want to destroy one family, but 2 families.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): I find it insulting that you seriously think people on here are going to help you do this.
Some people have standards.
You should leave tour wife so she can find someone who isn't wasting her time, someone better than you.
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