A
female
age
36-40,
*ad Max
writes:My boyfriend and I have been having been together for almost 2 years now, but it looks like our relationship is coming to a close. I feel I definitely have a lot of things to work through that I can't focus on when I'm focusing on the peaks and dips of our relationship and I feel he has a lot of things to work on as well. It's tough because I didn't really do all the growing up I needed to before I thrust myself into grown-up situations and here I am feeling like a teenager while trying to balance a serious/long-term relationship with a part-time (minimum wage) daycare job, college, and the last few months I have in the Air Force National Guard. I feel I need to go back to my little home town and take things slowly while I learn to be an adult. He doesn't want me to leave, he says, but he won't move to my hometown with me after he graduates in the near future. He says our relationship isn't worth it and he doesn't think moving home will have the curing power I think it will. We both need to work on some things, but I feel like everything is being shoved off on me. Should I just move home and cut ties or should I keep trying to make our relationship work? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Mad Max +, writes (3 January 2011):
Mad Max is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers! There's massive back-story that I couldn't really type out that kind of makes some answers not wholly relevant, but I really appreciated the feedback.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 January 2011):
I don't really see any way that you can make it work to be honest. He claims he doesn't want to leave you, but won't move, and then he says that your relationship isn't worth it.
I admit from his point of view that moving to your home town just because you feel like you need to be there to learn to be an adult is a poor argument. I'm sorry, but it is. You can't really expect him to go from living in a big town or city to a small town just because you feel you might learn to be a better adult there. That's not really a good argument. I suspect what you're really saying is that you're homesick and want to be at home around people you know. That's a better argument. He is right, you being at home won't solve the problems you have.
However, for him to then say that he thinks your relationship isn't worth it really is putting the nail in the coffin. He's clearly done with trying to change things or make things work, and seems to just be hanging on for whatever reason.
I think your best option is to end it and go home. He won't move or put in any more effort, and you seem to be homesick. The only real option is to end it and cut contact.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): You make a relationship sound like hard work. You should not have to battle threw emotions. A relationship is the coming together of two like minded people who care for each other. It should not be hard work. The tell tale sign are there - your relationship is struggling and sometimes you just have to call it quits and move on.
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