| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I know he is never going to leave his wife for me, so how do I go cold turkey when I have to see him everyday?
Q. Hello I am a 33 year old lady who has got myself into a bit of a mess. I started seeing a co-worker in December 2009. He and I are both married, unhappy, but both staying for childrens/financial sake. He only married in January 2010. He didn...
A. 4 February 2011: All you need to do is say it's over, and goodbye. Then walk away, delete his numbers, emails, letters everything. That's all.
Then really think about where the rest of your life is going (marriage, career etc). ... (read in full...)
I know he is never going to leave his wife for me, so how do I go cold turkey when I have to see him everyday?
Q. Hello I am a 33 year old lady who has got myself into a bit of a mess. I started seeing a co-worker in December 2009. He and I are both married, unhappy, but both staying for childrens/financial sake. He only married in January 2010. He didn...
A. 3 February 2011: He doesn't love you. I knew you would't believe that. But face facts - he married another woman, and the most he has offered you is 'one last night'.
If you continue with him, you'll just become another loser who can't see the wood for the tree... (read in full...)
I really don't mind if my ex's friend visits for entertainment purposes!
Q. My ex's friend who lives 2 hours away as well as my ex has got in contact with me and we have gotten quite friendly, he always inititates it! In no way did i go out of my way to talk to this guy. He is now saying and has been saying he is going to ...
A. 3 February 2011: I think so long as there are no children around that could potentially end up confused/screwed up because of the friend thing, you should just have a good time. You didn't dump your ex for his friend. He dumped you. Just be cautious that you don't ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my husband we need marriage counseling?
Q. My husband and I having been problems over the last year. It started with him accusing me of cheating on him and leaving me. We desided to work things out but I found he was still chatting with females on match.com. I canceled that account and then ...
A. 3 February 2011: I do very much admire you for wanting this to work, because his behaviour has been shocking really.
I think the time has come though for you to be blunt about this. You need to sit down with him and say that you love him, but that the marriage need... (read in full...)
What should I do about my cheating husband?
Q. I just found out my husband left my 3 children and I to go out with his friends in a far away town(2-3 hrs away),pick up some girls at a bar, go back to there place and slept with one of them. I had called him the same night and he was trying to ...
A. 3 February 2011: He answered the phone whilst basically having sex with another woman - that is a dealbreaker for me. Why didn't he just send you a video for God's sake.
Then he doesn't answer the phone.
Then he actually turns up at your house with the police t... (read in full...)
Why did he stop running back to me?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend and now he has a gilfriend. I'm fuming because she's prettier and nicer then me. All of our mutual friends adore her. She's nice to me to and that pisses me off. How could my boyfriend move on from me so fast?!!! He ...
A. 3 February 2011: With the greatest of respect, how much longer did you think he would run around and come back no matter what? A man will run, but at some point he'll quit if he's being dumped all the time, or being treated badly. If he was running after you, and ... (read in full...)
Does he regret cheating on me?
Q. Its been two years now since I broke up with my ex of five years and although I caught him cheating on me, and I ended things, and have not spoken to him since. He was my best friend. I am wondering if he ever regrets what he did? Or if he ever ...
A. 3 February 2011: Some people cheat, and genuinely realize they've made a mistake. Others cheat, and don't give a damn. My feelings are more people don't give a damn. On the basis of that, I don't think your ex is bothered. I really wouldn't spend time wondering ... (read in full...)
Should I be ok with my girlfriend sleeping in another guy's bed?
Q. My girlfriend went to a sleepover with her guy friend, since he supposedly dosent have a guest room, she has to sleep on the same bed as him, should I be fine with that?...
A. 3 February 2011: I also agree there is stuff missing here. What's with the sleepover in the first place? Why is it just two of them? Why haven't you been invited? Why can't she sleep on the sofa?
Seems to me that she's being a bit unreasonable. ... (read in full...)
I've got him some great Valentines gifts, but he ridicules even the idea of presents!
Q. hi i am 29 year old woman in love with a man, weve been dating 10 months now and live in different cities, i know this sounds silly but its valentines coming up and i have bought him some lovely presents, i did for his birthday and christmas ...
A. 3 February 2011: To me, this guy sounds like a bit of a cheap-stake. I'm not exactly a 'present' person, but I know that presents do have meanings for people. So I would never stop buying presents just because I'm not so keen on them. To me, you seem to be putting a ... (read in full...)
I know he is never going to leave his wife for me, so how do I go cold turkey when I have to see him everyday?
Q. Hello I am a 33 year old lady who has got myself into a bit of a mess. I started seeing a co-worker in December 2009. He and I are both married, unhappy, but both staying for childrens/financial sake. He only married in January 2010. He didn...
A. 3 February 2011: I know you won't believe me, but he doesn't really love you at all. He's just using his son as an excuse to not leave his wife (i.e. the women who no doubt cooks/cleans/does most of childcare/acts as a general slave/has sex with him etc). He just ... (read in full...)
Is he avoiding/ignoring me because I wouldn't have sex with him?
Q. Just wanted to get a guy's perspective on this: I've been dating a guy for about 2 months, we seemed to get along, joke, talk about sports (yes I like sports), and he's been affectionate with me, however we haven't had sex. He's been dropping hi...
A. 3 February 2011: Here's a guy's perspective - this guy is only really interested in the sex. You shouldn't feel pressurized to have sex. And if he was worth the bother, I think he would make more effort, and not just pull away or stop texting.
If you'd been goin... (read in full...)
I liked him less when he admitted having dated someone my mother's age
Q. This guy that I'm dating has dated a much older woman in the past. I don't usually bring up past relationships for this very reason but it somehow came out and never did I think he would have dated 25 years older than him.(he's 25). I tried ...
A. 2 February 2011: I'm dating a woman older than me. It's not done me any harm at all. In fact, it's made me a better guy. It's probably done the same for the guy you're dating.
I don't see any reason to be concerned at all about his behaviour. But if this is some... (read in full...)
My boyfriend punched my friend and said I can't see him any more
Q. Today I was hanging out with my best friend(a guy) at a park and we were just talking and having a great time just hanging out. Well then my boyfriend came and got really mad that I was hanging out with my friend. My boyfriend was super mad and he p...
A. 2 February 2011: Well, you were good enough to try again with him. But as you've sadly found, once someone has revealed that side to their character, it never really goes away.
Good for you for for trying. Even better for you that when he abused you, you left and ... (read in full...)
She finally confessed her infidelity. What do I do?
Q. This is a very confused guy who loves her girlfriends of 6 years to bits. However,my Girlfriend finally confessed to me the guy entered her but stopped when she shouted because it hurt. (From the description, I know personally how difficul...
A. 2 February 2011: If you were a married couple with kids, nad the marriage was stale, I'd say maybe look at trying to work it out.
As it is, basically you're a guy who isn't married with kids. Therefore, by leaving, the only person losing would be your girl... (read in full...)
Boyfriend seeing another girl?
Q. My boyfriend and I had spoke about this before and we decided to try it. We were both down for it happening. Well we had sex with another couple. They are friends of ours. And when we did it we had fun. We were of course a little on the drunk ...
A. 2 February 2011: The question is do you have proof?
And this is a good reason not to have threesomes/groupies etc. You may well just be overreacting or paranoid. Do you have proof?... (read in full...)
He hasn't replied to my second text of the morning
Q. Hi all, i need advice really, about something thats worryin me a little....... On new years eve I met a guy and had a one night stand with him. He was amazing. I really fell for him but was too shy to ask for his number, the next day he left, and I ...
A. 2 February 2011: I think you are hugely overreacting. It's been a few hours since you text him - he's probably at work. You need to relax right now, or you'll appear very insecure about it all. Him not replying to one text is no big deal, especially since you've ... (read in full...)
Is there any way to tell if he has a girlfriend?
Q. are they any signs that you could tell if a man i am intrested in has a girlfriend . i know he not married he is a widowder has been for 10 years now . ...
A. 2 February 2011: The only real way would be to strike a conversation with him and ask. ... (read in full...)
Spark for another man, not my husband!
Q. I have been married for 14 years but I have lost all sexual attraction for my husband. We get along for the most part and he treats me well although we do fight quite a bit. We have financial problems and three young children. We do not spend any ...
A. 2 February 2011: Young children,
Unappreciated Wife,
Oblivious Husband?
Yep, you're looking for a diversion. There is no love at all between you and the other man, but underneath all that resentment you're feeling, there is love between you and your husband - ot... (read in full...)
She wanted space, broke up, and already she's in a new relationship. Why will she not answer my questions?
Q. My ex of 25 months and I broke up but a week after we broke up she got into a relationship. She say with a dude she said was her friend. When I ask is she moving on, she won't answer my ? She wants our 8 by 10 photo we took, the promise ring, and ...
A. 2 February 2011: Pull it from under her. Accept she has already moved on, and cut contact entirely. Never again let her into your life, do not answer her questions, calls, emails. Nothing. You do not have to give back the promise ring or the photo of they were gifts ... (read in full...)
My boy friend has started being aggressive to me. Is dumping him the best idea?
Q. My boyfriend was great when we were friends but when we started going out he. Since then he's changed. He's started acting more aggresive, controlling, rude, ect. and when I wanted to talk to him about it, he broke up with me on Facebook and then ...
A. 2 February 2011: Not a chance. Stay away from him. ... (read in full...)
He has a picture of his ex and their son, but not one of me and our son!
Q. hi there i need an advise. my bf has still picture of his ex gf with thier son on his computer. and he doesnt have picture of me and our son! im hurt and feels that his disrespecting me. why woud he save it if im with him? does it mean he still love ...
A. 2 February 2011: No. It means he still loves his other child. He's not being disrespectful. Ask him if he'd like a photo of you and your baby for his computer too. Just don't try to get rid of that other photo - he's got that for his son, not his ex wife. ... (read in full...)
How can we start being civil with each other following the break-up?
Q. Confused by my ex! My ex and i spilt at the start of the year we had been together 7 yrs got a 2 yr old and a 6 yr old. There had been a few issues regarding trust and i had discovered he had bought someone a dress via the internet in october ...
A. 2 February 2011: Forget civil for now. There are too many feelings after a split to worry about being civil if one person is hell-bent on not being civil. Also, forget about him being on dating sites too. That's his business now that you've split.
But...he must... (read in full...)
I have my reasons why I feel like my ex is still watching me. How can I best distance myself from him?
Q. Hello Aunts, i was let go by my guy nine months and few days ago. I closed my aol account, changed telephone details. I'm frightened my ex is watching me. I'm not with a replacement guy yet. Is he watching out for any replacement guy for me be with...
A. 2 February 2011: Have you got any evidence at all that you're being watched? If you don't, then there's nothing really that anyone can do. ... (read in full...)
He says he isn't in love with me anymore... however his behavior is strange....
Q. I have known this guy for 7 years and we have dated on and off. After knowing him for about 2 years I decided I was in love with him. He told me that he was in love with me the day he met me. Him and I didn't speak for a while (years) and he got ...
A. 2 February 2011: I'll list everything that is wrong with your relationship (and I use that term very loosely)
1 - 7 years on and off? That's not love, and it's not a relationship. It's two people existing, and choosing not to see the light and move on. How can ther... (read in full...)
Why did my ex say he wants my new partner to be the father to our child, and he doesn't want to be involved in our son's life anymore?
Q. I dated this guy for about 3 years and we have a kid together but we are seperated and im with someone else..My ex came up to me a few days ago and told me that i should tell my new boyfriend to be the father of our son and that he didnt want to be ...
A. 2 February 2011: I'm sorry to say this, but he's a worthless father. There's no excuse to give up on your kids. I would screw him as much as possible for maintenance, not listen to any emotional blackmail and do the best for your child. Don't think he loves you - he ... (read in full...)
Is there really a fool-proof way to get your ex back?
Q. Okay I hear there is a way to get your ex back or at least give you a really good chance. Normally I wouldn't try, but the ex is the father of my 6 month old son. He has treated me better than anyone. I love him, but he has a low tolerance for fi...
A. 2 February 2011: If you want this guy back, you are the one now who has to sort out your insecurities. It's really hard to be in a relationship and have to listen to your partner be that insecure.
Your boyfriend does love you. He still seems to love you, even now.... (read in full...)
Pubic hair question for guys.....
Q. Well, I need advice on how I should shave my pubic area. I know the majority of guys like it all the way shaved, but I can never manage to get it completely smooth on the top part without getting bumps and redness. So, my question is, do you think ...
A. 2 February 2011: It's not a problem. Don't worry about it. It takes a very small minded man to be bothered by something as insignificant as this. ... (read in full...)
After last week's incident, I'm scared of him!
Q. Me and my Bf have been dating for 2 and a half years, and i thought i knew all there is to know about him,up until an incident that happend last week. Just before we started dating, he said he did Muay Thai kickboxing, i didnt even know what that ...
A. 1 February 2011: But you do know him. He's the guy who stood up for you! Your boyfriend didn't attack them at all. He defended you, and there is a difference.
What you know is that you have a guy who will defend you. That's all. I don't think you need to be scar... (read in full...)
Insecure about grooming and appearance of my private parts!
Q. girls help me out!.... im very insecure about my pubic hair. i always shave but it grows sooo fast..and i also shave between my butt cheeks ;)..whats the best way to get rid of hair down there ?!i cant wax im allergic.. guys: is it a turn off if y...
A. 1 February 2011: It's sad that your first boyfriend made fun of you. It just shows how immature (some) teenage boys really are. He has no idea about women at all.
Honestly, nearly all men are NOT bothered by a bit of hair. We are even less bothered by perc... (read in full...)
Who should employ the NO CONTACT RULE? is it the dumper or the dumped?
Q. hello aunts and uncles. this is just a random question to set the record straight. if you break up with your girlfriend, a)who should employ the NO CONTACT RULE? is it the dumper or the dumped? b) what is the meaning when an ex girlfriend co...
A. 1 February 2011: Start with a 'sorry - I made a big mistake'. And she what she says after that. Worry about dinner and such when you know she's acknowledged you made a mistake. ... (read in full...)
Who should employ the NO CONTACT RULE? is it the dumper or the dumped?
Q. hello aunts and uncles. this is just a random question to set the record straight. if you break up with your girlfriend, a)who should employ the NO CONTACT RULE? is it the dumper or the dumped? b) what is the meaning when an ex girlfriend co...
A. 1 February 2011: Sorry DB! ... (read in full...)
Who should employ the NO CONTACT RULE? is it the dumper or the dumped?
Q. hello aunts and uncles. this is just a random question to set the record straight. if you break up with your girlfriend, a)who should employ the NO CONTACT RULE? is it the dumper or the dumped? b) what is the meaning when an ex girlfriend co...
A. 1 February 2011: a) - Technically, both. But realistically, it's always best if the dumped ensures there is no contact for their own preservation. Sometimes the 'dumper' can be keeping them around as a spare, or feeling guilty. So it's best for the 'dumped' to get ... (read in full...)
Is it hard for beautiful women to form good relationships?
Q. Hi All, I am just wondering what it is like to be beautiful and if it is hard to meet quality people? Beautiful women are always getting chatted up for dates, hit on for their looks, even propositioned for sex. It is no wonder then that many of ...
A. 1 February 2011: My girlfriend is very beautiful, and has had her fair share of men trying it on. So when I met her, she made me run around quite a bit for three months before anything really happened. It worked - we've been together for about 2 years.
So any woma... (read in full...)
She's gone from loving and caring to controlling and possessive!
Q. my girlfriend of almost a year know has completely changed on me. she was once a loving, caring person to me and my four kids. and know she is a total @*$%# with my kids and she is controlling and possesive with me. i dnt want to call it quits just ...
A. 1 February 2011: You need to talk to her ASAP.
No one changes this quickly without reason. There's something severely wrong, and she needs to open up about it. So I'd suggest sitting down with her and explaining gently that you have noticed she seems diff... (read in full...)
Are confident men ever scared to ask a woman out?
Q. are confident men scared to ask a women they are attractive to out .? meet a man an he has flirted with me now for about 4 month now . let me say we only see each other for a short time each time he get a little more comfortable with me but he h...
A. 1 February 2011: I would say I'm relatively confident. In turn, I've always asked a woman I like out. I've never had to leave it to a woman, and I've never stood around hoping.
Of course, the majority of the time, I've been turned down.
Maybe that's the problem ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend just dumped me because she thinks I'm being paranoid!
Q. my girlfriend has just dumped me because she think iam being paranoid. 2 weeks ago she changed her profile picture on facebook and i started to get paranoid so i started asking her if she loved me and she replied yes. but the next day i appologised ...
A. 1 February 2011: Whatever the reason for her breaking up, I'd say that this is over, and that it's best to move on. She's made it very clear that she doesn't want you to contact her, so don't become a stalker and continue to contact her. Accept she has gone.
N... (read in full...)
I've received messages from my boyfriend's ex. Is he lying to me?
Q. My boyfriend went to visit his hometown a few weeks ago for a week after we had had a huge bust up and I thought we had finished until a few days after he left I spoke to him and we were ok. Since he's been back our relationship has been brilliant ...
A. 1 February 2011: I almost said that his ex might be lying, until right at the end you'd admitted that he's cheated on other ex's, and even you.
I now think he's 100% cheated, and I think you'd be mad to stay with him. ... (read in full...)
Living together for over a year, and I STILL haven't met his kids!
Q. Over 12 months living together and still no sign of me meeting his kids (teenagers) despite us living with mine (also teenagers). I have asked twice to meet his kids. The first time after about 6 months and again recently. Each time the whole t...
A. 1 February 2011: I have to say, given that it's been over a year and they're teenagers, you should have met them by now. There is something wrong here. Worse is his reaction, which is very over-the-top. You wanting to meet his kids after a year is not 'possessive' ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for not wanting her to be friends with this guy? Do you think it is a trust issue?
Q. I've been married for almost 11years. At the 3-4yr mark I found out my wife had an affair with one of our older friends son. He is about a year younger than us, we were around 19-20 and he was 17-18, he was in college. Okay so when I found out, I ...
A. 1 February 2011: It is 100% unacceptable that she has acted this way.
Just because you don't want your cheating wife to speak to the man she cheated with doesn't mean you don't trust get overall. It means that with that one man, you can't trust her. And there is a... (read in full...)
My ex has anger management issues. How can I get him to move on?
Q. There's this guy in school whom I admired (a crush admiration only).. But eventually,i found out that he has anger management issues,so i didn't like him anymore,and so my classmates told me to distance myself a bit from him. But i was afraid t...
A. 1 February 2011: Keep the letters and anything else that he sends, and tell someone what is happening again. Your parents are there to protect you. One day you'll do the same for your kids too. You need to get this guy off your back, so make sure people know. ... (read in full...)
I feel like I am invisible to him!
Q. i have a problem with my self-centered boyfriend,he has a baby from his previous relationship and all he cares about is his baby and himself, and its like im invisible in hs life, he wants me to do everythng he want or say he changes my plans what ...
A. 1 February 2011: Part of me agrees with post below. The other half says that you knew when you took this guy on, he had a child that he needed to look after.
I think that at your age, you'd do better not to be with someone who has a child. The child must alwa... (read in full...)
I am thinking about leaving my boyfriend because I am not pretty enough compared to his ex!
Q. What do you do if you are not pretty? I feel so insecure about myself. Its not my body, in fact I think my body is amazing I am blessed in term of genetics but my face is so...plain. ITs not ugly or weird its just boring and shapeless. ITs more ...
A. 1 February 2011: He loves you, you know. He's not in love with some 'image'. Stay with the man. ... (read in full...)
Both virgins, on birth control pills.... do I REALLY need a condom?
Q. Me and my girlfriend are both virgins but we are planning on having sex in a couple of weeks. She's started taking birth control pills so there is no chance of her getting pregnant. We havent had sex so STI's are also out of the equation so do i ...
A. 31 January 2011: 'No Chance' - Yes there is. About a 1% chance. Not a lot, but enough hopefully to make you think twice. Trust me, it's worth wearing a condom. It only takes one sperm to make it through, and one little pill not to work, and you're sold for life. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend punched my friend and said I can't see him any more
Q. Today I was hanging out with my best friend(a guy) at a park and we were just talking and having a great time just hanging out. Well then my boyfriend came and got really mad that I was hanging out with my friend. My boyfriend was super mad and he p...
A. 5 January 2011: Dump your boyfriend. Next time it will be you who gets punched. ... (read in full...)
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