A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi All, I am just wondering what it is like to be beautiful and if it is hard to meet quality people? Beautiful women are always getting chatted up for dates, hit on for their looks, even propositioned for sex. It is no wonder then that many of them develop a cold and distant exterior to those they do not know. I wonder, though, if in fact in this respect beauty can be a curse. For the beautiful woman interested in quality people interested in them as human beings it seems like it could be hard to find. You never know if someone is interested in you as a person or a sex object.What do you think? Any experience with this?Thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): I know that people (men and women) just stare at ultra attractive people and it can feel unreal at times. I think that some people are not used to seeing a walking magazine image in real life. Beauty should be celebrated, not used or abused.Women do not trust you around their boyfriends or husbands when all you want to do is work. It is as if you have to work harder to prove your intentions and skills. Men, well, they just stare during interviews, while their wives stare at them. It is a strange feeling, as you just want to get in a good quality interview. It can make employment a bit hard to get. Insecurity can bring out the worse in others.All an attractive person can do is live, contribute to society, stay positive. It can be lonely at times (Valentine's Day, Christmas, New Years) but there is nothing one can do when even after smiling, laughing, and showing a warm side -- people just stare with their mouth open.Life is just too short to use people or to be used, so I just remain single.:-) My books, volunteer work, and photography projects keep me busy.;-)
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 February 2011):
 I want to add a question of my own to this, seeing as our answers are so different. It is likely that it is dependent on the community and social practice of that particular location as well, right? I've not experience beauty as an issue for me, even though I am constantly told I am beautiful, and have women throw jealous rants at me when they are drunk and feel courageous enough. Not that Im shallow or think Im God's gift to earth or anything, but I like myself. And people seem to appreciate my looks as well, but also my personality. I've also seen several of these "hot and popular" guys overlook me completely and gone for the other types of beautiful girls who are out there.
My new boyfriend was amazed I wanted him of all guys as he said I could have anyone I wanted. But that's just not true. I can't have everyone I want, no beautiful person can have anyone she wants. Beauty varies a lot, and what people find beautiful varies as well. In addition you have the personality thing, people can see if you've got a flat personality pretty fast. And your intelligence can be measured pretty fast as well. Looks aren't everything to guys, and for the guys who care only about looks.. well who wants to date them anyway.
But yes, I guess my point was that what is considered beautiful varies from location to location, how a beautiful person is treated seem to vary as well in different societies. In high school being pretty mattered, but being popular mattered more. In adult life being "pretty" or "beautiful" matters less as we tend to see the whole package and we are adult enough to know that looks aren't everything. Hence the pretty and the average get lines up side by side.
Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder... remember that! Sure everyone in Miss USA look like identical twins.. but that's just because tv decided that's supposed to be pretty. There are many other types of pretty out there. Don't be fooled by a tv-show. Not even every woman can agree on what guys are hot or not. It's called having different taste...
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): hmmm....sounds almost like a trick question. If I dare to answer as a "beautiful woman" does that make me cocky?
I don't like the idea that beautiful women (or beautiful people in general) have it harder than other people. But I don't think it's entirely a myth that they sometimes have trouble forming relationships.
1.
Being beautiful has it's advantages. I have plenty of beautiful friends who regularly get treated better than other people at businesses & services or in their places of employment. If you are beautiful and you choose to, you can basically drink for free It is a definite advantage.
2.
Women can be catty and jealous creatures. If you are a beautiful woman, it can be harder forming quality relationships with other women. If you are constantly indulged because of your beauty, other women will resent this. I consider myself "better than average" looking and I have had several old friends who have admitted when they were first introduced to me, they assumed I would be a b*tch.
At several jobs, I have had women form united walls against me during the first couple months before they accepted me.
Anecdote from my personal experience; I went to a co-ed boarding school. When a beautiful girl showed up our 2nd year, there was definitely anxiety amongst the girls in the dorm about how to receive her. Many were threatened that she would "take all the boys." If she happened to have a zit, everyone mentioned it with a vindicitve quality.
That said, I also find myself staying away from women who are more beautiful than me on a purely reflexive level.
3.
Men do hit on beautiful women in a reflexive way and it gets tiring. Sometimes I think it is just to get their attention and have them look their way, not neccessarily because they want any sort of relationship. If a man honks his car at you, gives you his business card, follows you in a grocery store, or engages you in a drunken conversation at a bar, it's probably not because they want a longterm relationship. Because it happens so often, beautiful women make it a point to ignore these sorts of guys. I suppose in that way it could be isolating.
4.
I second chigirl; some very decent men may not approach a beautiful woman because they don't think they have a chance. There is a practical reason for this. A quote from Justin Halpern explains it best:
"Pick your furniture like you pick a wife; it should make you feel comfortable and look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it they want to steal it."
All that said, you are who you choose to be.
If you are beautiful and can see good and decent people are intimidated or uncomfortable around you, you learn to be engaging and patient with their insecurities.
If you are on the "ordinary to ugly spectrum", you may very well learn to be funny, relate to the world through your talents and real interests rather than your looks, and have a beautiful personality.
The best guy I ever dated was incredibly ordinary looking. The most insecure guy I've ever dated was billboard-beautiful.
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female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (1 February 2011):
People who know me consider me a beautiful woman, but I am very modest and disagree. I am told I am like a light bulb, I light up a room when I walk in and when I go out with friends they joke that I am a man magnet. However I wish men would see beyond that.. I want a man to like me for my personality (which I do believe is actually better than my looks) and not just want to get me into bed because they like what they see. Perhaps that is why I am still single at 42! I want someone to fall in love with the whole book and not just the cover!
Very interesting Post!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): I find myself in this situation and it's just as you said, a curse.
You'll never know what people think about you, guys don't ever take you seriously, you're just a pretty face, even women don't want you as a friend because they feel "under your shadow". It's really sad at times, but neither would I change it because it's just me. Being taken as a sex object is also really desperating because every single guy would try to take advantage of your "qualities". Even when they feel like you mean something else to them, they just seem to not care and move on to sex, thinking it won't affect the relationship. But yes, going too fast just screws things up, we all know that. It's not easy at all. I still believe that, with all the advantages of being beautiful, it's so worth it!.
I know that there is someone out there who will love me for who I am on the inside and just be very atracted by my outside.
Btw, there's also this thing, some guys are so intimidated by you, they think you're pretty, but just too much for them to handle. This has happened to me a few times, they look at you like "Wow, she's amazing, but not for me." and just don't even try, when you know you'd like them to come around and would give them a chance.
This is my experience, and again, I wouldn't ever change it no matter what.
xoxo, me :D
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (1 February 2011):
Beautiful women don't have it harder than any other woman. Easier most will say, but you need to remember that the average douchebag will hit on anything he can screw over. Which means every woman on the globe is likely to be approached by guys who only want sex. The stunningly gorgeous women do face one problem though: a lot of decent good guys are scared of approaching them. But that doesn't mean it's difficult to meet a decent guy, it just means you apply a different strategy on how to snatch him.
Having your personality shine through always helps in either case.
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female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (1 February 2011):
 It's difficult in all the aspects you mention as well as the fact that they don't get hit on or asked out as often as you might think. I guess men either assume they aren't good enough, don't even have a shot, or that she's taken, but I know that beautiful women are looked at more than they are asked out and taken out. Even then it's like they aren't real people with real feelilngs, like how can a beautiful woman be intelligent, kind, funny, and warm? It makes no sense, but that's how they are perceived. I most definitely think that beauty can be a curse.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 February 2011):
My girlfriend is very beautiful, and has had her fair share of men trying it on. So when I met her, she made me run around quite a bit for three months before anything really happened. It worked - we've been together for about 2 years.
So any woman at all worrying about whether men like them for sex or not would do better to make a man run around a bit.
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