A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Confused by my ex! My ex and i spilt at the start of the year we had been together 7 yrs got a 2 yr old and a 6 yr old. There had been a few issues regarding trust and i had discovered he had bought someone a dress via the internet in october and then around xmas time my daughter mentioned a womens name who she claims to of visited with her dad, so i was angry at him.So it has been 6wks since we parted properly and he hasnt really said much to me about it. He has been joining several dating sites since. At the weekend my daughter became upset about having to go out with him and he basically blamed me for it, He asked if we had split up and tried to suggest to the children he had a sleep over, i asked him not to talk like that infront of them and he asked when then. Since then he hasnt even spoken to me and im left feeling confused, he says he doesnt like the situation yet does nothing about it. He has stopped paying me any money also towards the kids. I just want things to be civil and not all this not talking one minute and then making me reject infront of the kids the next.
View related questions:
money, my ex, split up, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): Sort out the problems affecting kids and get regular arrangements. Its bound to hurt you what he`s done,but after all you have done over the years,then so QUICKLY moves on to someone else,could you live with him now,knowing he is like that? He`s not a good a good prospect. The type who goes on dating sites too? Try to live your life without thought to him,he`s shown his true colors.
A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (2 February 2011):
 This is such an irresponsible way for him to be behaving in front of your children. Have you decided things are definitly over or is there a chance of a reconciliation? I think you need to have a proper chat with him and get everything out in the open, lay down some ground rules and come to some definite agreements.
Meet somewhere neutral without the children and explain to him that you want things to be civil for the sake of your children. He must want the upset for them to be minimal also so he should at least agree to this. If there's no chance that things are going to back to how they were then you need to arrange access to the children that you both agree on. Write it down and both of you sign it like a contract. Although not legally binding it will stop either one of you claiming you didn't realise exactly what the rules were further down the line.
Obviously this man will be a part of your life forever as you have the children to consider but I would suggest you stop thinking about what he's doing eg, the dating sites and just focus on yourself and the kids.
With regards to the money situation I think you should contact the child support agency who will be able to help you out. They have loads of different options so it doesn't neccesarily mean them contacting him demanding money and causing further grief between the two of you, but something should be done as the children are your shared responsibility and it shouldn't be down to you alone to provide for and support them.
Whatever you do don't be tempted to be dragged into the whole 'he doesn't pay for the children so why should he see them' route. They won't thank you for it later.
Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 February 2011):
Forget civil for now. There are too many feelings after a split to worry about being civil if one person is hell-bent on not being civil. Also, forget about him being on dating sites too. That's his business now that you've split.
But...he must pay for his kids, and you must agree times for him to see them. So it's time to talk to the CAB...
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
...and make an appointment to see someone there who can give you assistance. They offer FREE advice on a whole range of issues.
Also, speak to a solicitor, and the CSA and sort out payments for your kids. He may throw his toys out the pram about you, but he can't screw his kids. That's not on, and you need to stop that now.
...............................
|
