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After last week's incident, I'm scared of him!

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 February 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 1 February 2011)
A female South Africa age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Me and my Bf have been dating for 2 and a half years, and i thought i knew all there is to know about him,up until an incident that happend last week. Just before we started dating, he said he did Muay Thai kickboxing, i didnt even know what that was up until last week. All i see is boxing gloves and a few medals hanging in his room, i never bothered to ask him about it because i just wasnt interested. He still has never told me why he quit.

Last week he and i went out to eat at a restaurant/bar, there were 2 guys sitting behind me that were getting a bit rowdy and kept bumping my chair. I got irritated and my Bf told them to cool it a bit. They stopped for while then it started again, my Bf then warned them for the last time. Both of them werent happy and started swearing at him. He ignored them, then stood up and he said lets move to another table. So we did.

2 hours later we left the bar and as we're on our way to the car, those same 2 guys came walking in our direction, the 1 guy deliberately walked on my side and knocked me really hard. My Bf then just turned around and attacked him and the other guy. It happend so fast, i was panicking telling him to leave them alone. Its like i wasnt even there. Before i knew it, both guys were unconcious on the ground, my bf had blood on his shirt. Then he just walked away as if nothing happened. All he said was "i hate when people make me angry".

I was shocked i didnt know how to react. I never said a word to him on our way home. Ive never seen this side of him since ive known him, i didnt know it existed, he didnt seem like that type of person. Now im scared of him, i dont wanna make him angry. The incident keeps replaying in my head. Its like i dont really know him. Please help.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (1 February 2011):

dirtball agony auntI don't blame him for doing what he did. He was trying to defend you from people obviously looking to pick a fight. In situations like that acting like he did is usually your best course of action. A very quick and overwhelming onslaught that leaves them stunned. Especially when taking on multiple opponents.

As a fellow martial artist, I can say you don't really have much to fear from him. Part of the reason you've never felt scared in your relationship is because he also learned self control as part of his training. In that situation, he evaluated his options and chose the one he thought would be best.

Talk to him. Tell him he scared you even though you know he was trying to defend you. Get him to tell you why he chose to do what he did. I'm sure it was anger, but also a conscious decision.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (1 February 2011):

But you do know him. He's the guy who stood up for you! Your boyfriend didn't attack them at all. He defended you, and there is a difference.

What you know is that you have a guy who will defend you. That's all. I don't think you need to be scared at all.

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