A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend has just dumped me because she think iam being paranoid. 2 weeks ago she changed her profile picture on facebook and i started to get paranoid so i started asking her if she loved me and she replied yes. but the next day i appologised to her and she forgave me and ive not been paranoid since. then she texts me saying that iam too paranoid and she does not have time for a boyfriend and that she doesnt love me anymore. we have been going out for 8 months and everything has been great. how do i get her back she told me not to text her again. ive tried asking her back out but all she says is leave me alone and she doesnt want me back. how do i get her back i love her so much. please help.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 It's over and you need to respect that she wants to have no contact with you. I believe there are other reasons behind by she broke it off with you, it would be weird to break it off over only this one thing. Do you honestly not think you have been paranoid in any other cases? And to what degree were you freaked out by her changing her facebook picture? And why did this picture change bother you so much?
It is also likely that even though she at the time forgave you, she couldn't forget about it easily, and that is really bothered her.
Stay clear of her now, and perhaps once the dust has settled you can talk to her about why she left you, to help you not make the same mistakes with another woman. But you will not get this girl back.
A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 You can't force her into being with you, so accept her decision. There is not much you can do because it seems like she has made up her mind. Give yourself time and with time you will get over her and grow as a person. Good luck in future relationship and learn from this experience.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (1 February 2011):
IF it's true that you haven't been paranoid after she forgave you. I would rather think she is cheating you OR she never loved you really.
Dumping you after forgiving you (for a single reason) makes no sense.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 February 2011):
Whatever the reason for her breaking up, I'd say that this is over, and that it's best to move on. She's made it very clear that she doesn't want you to contact her, so don't become a stalker and continue to contact her. Accept she has gone.
Now, the reasons she broke up:
1 - You were paranoid, and after thought she decided that you were too insecure for her to continue.
Or.
2 - You were right to be paranoid, and she really had someone else in the wings somewhere.
To be honest, I do think you were paranoid about the photo. Whether she cheated/had another guy is another thing. But you can't go off the rails and start to question someone just because they've changed their photo.
Stay single for a while and work on your own insecurities.
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A
male
reader, foolishsage +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Hi anon,
You definitely have my sympathies in the situation. Breakups suck - and sudden ones that seem out of the blue are an even bigger jolt to the system.
I have to ask if there are any other underlying issues that you've either not mentioned or that you just may not have been aware of up to this point. If she is stating that she doesn't love you any more and asks that you leave her alone it seems unlikely that such a brief instance of insecurity would cause such a strong reaction.
I understand that you probably don't want to hear this right now, but you really must not allow "getting her back" to be your focus right now.
Unfortunately the thought process behind getting back together with someone who broke up with you is most typically one of anger, pain and loss that people want to "correct". The thing is, that relationships are two way streets - it takes both people to want them to work and to work towards it - and when one person isn't on board, it's over. Neither you, nor anybody else can control what people want or feel that they need. But what is probably best suited to you right now is to start the process of letting her go. Again - that may not be what you want to hear and it may not be something that you agree with at this moment, but in my opinion - it is definitely the case.
It hurts, but it's better to face the pain and acknowledge it and spend time with your friends and people that care about you right now rather than simply trying to think of ways to get her back. After some of the initial shock of it wears off, then will be a good time to start really working on picking up the pieces of your heart and mending them. But you can't run from it and you can't deny that her wants right now conflict with yours, but there's no way for you to change them and you simply must accept them as painful as it may be.
The sooner that you can do that, the sooner you can begin to recover and to move on and come out of it a stronger person for surviving it.
Best wishes
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