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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Okay I hear there is a way to get your ex back or at least give you a really good chance.Normally I wouldn't try, but the ex is the father of my 6 month old son. He has treated me better than anyone. I love him, but he has a low tolerance for fighting and is very slow to commit. We get along so well when things are good, but his long-distance work schedule and barely seeing him this last year has brought every insecurity I have to the surface.We speak different love languages. I long to hear things and he shows by doing things. We were doing better, but then now he says he is running on empty and says he just cannot give anything right now. He's gone numb. He cried when he said this. I've never seen him cry.I just wanted reassurance. I guess I tried to demand this. Force it. Because of my insecurities. It only pushed him away. It did not bring us closer together.Need some really good advice. He broke up with me once before 2 years ago. I got him back but it tore me up to lose him. I don't want to go through that again. If I thought we couldn't do it and had an unhealthy relationship that wouldn't be good for our son, I'd let it go. But I don't. All our family members see that we have so much potential. So do friends. They just don't get it, but they don't see us fight. The fights are because I wanted more affection to feel more secure.Can anyone offer me help? I love him but more than that, sharing custody of my son breaks my heart. There are many reasons I want to do this and do it right. Please help.Thanks in advanced.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): How do you know that it would not be the same should you get together again. And that would be disruptive for all concerned. You should only think of being together if you really have dealt with the issues. Sometimes you have to realise that no matter how much you love someone, you can't be together because it doesn't work. The only option is to talk to him about this and see if the will is there between you both to make it work.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 February 2011):
If you want this guy back, you are the one now who has to sort out your insecurities. It's really hard to be in a relationship and have to listen to your partner be that insecure.
Your boyfriend does love you. He still seems to love you, even now. Maybe he does have a low tolerance for fights. But then again, it could be that you're so insecure that he just can't take it anymore.
There is no magical cure, and no guarantee that you can get him back. He has shown he loves you, and you've said that yourself. Therefore you now need to do counselling or something to prove you are trying to solve your insecurity problems. Maybe he'll think about it then.
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