| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I feel he's emotionally blackmailing me to stay with him and I don't know what to do... Please help!
Q. Ive posted a question here before about a possessive, controlling boyfriend. good news i said i needed time out - thats lasted a week. He found out his friend dies yesterday and i went to comfort him as i do still love him and care for him. Lo...
A. 8 February 2011: I knew he was a lying loser. Please, never EVER go back to him. He won't kill himself. ... (read in full...)
How to help my best friend?
Q. I scared my friend and made her cry because I yelled at her . What should I say to her ? She is my best friend and I love her and I didn't mean to yell at her but she made me mad. ...
A. 7 February 2011: Start by saying sorry, then talk to her about what went wrong between you and why you did it. Hopefully she'll see why you did it, and hopefully it'll work out. ... (read in full...)
She wants to take a "Mommy Break". Would getting her a weekend by herself for V-Day be unromantic?
Q. Would it be horribly un-romantic for me to book a beachfront room for my wife to take a 2-day getaway by herself, as a Valentines Day gift? She has been talking about wanting to take a "mommy break" as in, get away for a couple days to relax, read, ...
A. 7 February 2011: Thank God the Aunts agree! At least we're not so out of touch...... (read in full...)
She wants to take a "Mommy Break". Would getting her a weekend by herself for V-Day be unromantic?
Q. Would it be horribly un-romantic for me to book a beachfront room for my wife to take a 2-day getaway by herself, as a Valentines Day gift? She has been talking about wanting to take a "mommy break" as in, get away for a couple days to relax, read, ...
A. 7 February 2011: I think it would be a great gift! But then I'm a man, so I might not know for sure. But my feeling is that she'll like it very, very much. ... (read in full...)
I've got the French maid costume, but what do I do after I put it on?
Q. My boyfriend has told me before that one of his fantasies is for me to dress up as a french maid. As we are at different universities we hardly see each other at all any more, so I thought I'd surprise him when I go to visit him next. The thing is...
A. 7 February 2011: Here's the plan. Change into the maid's costume when he's not around, and wear a coat over it. Then wait. When he comes in, drop the coat, then sit on the edge of the bed. Then, just tell him that you're his for the night. If that doesn't work, ... (read in full...)
Help! In love with a married man and he doesn't love me
Q. Hi all. I could really use your help! I have been involved in an emotional affair (never any physical contact) with a married man. I am also married. We both have young children. This has been ongoing since last spring. We would see each other a...
A. 7 February 2011: Him cutting contact was not cruel. It was the right thing for him, and he knew it. Whatever he felt for you, it wasn't love. And if it was, it has become clear that he loves his wife and children more and has chosen to work that out. Perhaps his ... (read in full...)
I feel he's emotionally blackmailing me to stay with him and I don't know what to do... Please help!
Q. Ive posted a question here before about a possessive, controlling boyfriend. good news i said i needed time out - thats lasted a week. He found out his friend dies yesterday and i went to comfort him as i do still love him and care for him. Lo...
A. 7 February 2011: Selfish? You're being a saint - sadly to the wrong man.
There is no way that this man loves you. He's just as you say - controlling, manipulative, possessive. And you need to get away from him. Now. No matter how much you love or care for him, he w... (read in full...)
Am I being played by an older man?
Q. Im 19 and I have being seeing someone for the last 3 months. He is 26 and has a really good job and is always busy with work. We live really close to each other like a 5min walk. We met over a social network site, although we live close I didnt know ...
A. 7 February 2011: Yes, he is. 50 random girls aged 16-19 on his facebook site? You better believe you're being played. Get away from him. ... (read in full...)
My daughter is causing me so much stress just now...
Q. Hello, I posted on here recently regarding problem with my daughter and her BF who is here 2/3 nights a week. I got some really helpful answers regarding him paying his way. However since that time, another serious problem has happened and I ...
A. 7 February 2011: Hi Jane, sounds pretty grim in your house at the moment.
First of all, all men are to be stopped from coming into the house. Period. That's it. That is your house, and you do not need deadbeats or racists around. Blanket ban on her boyfriends. They... (read in full...)
How did my boyfriend know that I was having my period?
Q. this is a really awkward question to ask, but my boyfriend today asked me if i was on my period.. when i asked why he just said answer, my first day was today so i said yess??? and he said i knew it! I was like oh was i being moody? and he said oh ...
A. 7 February 2011: Contrary to the popular belief that men are emotionally inept/blind to female behaviour, we are in fact clued in. It's usually obvious when a woman is on her period. ... (read in full...)
While on a break, my BF met his ex, she straddled him and exposed her breasts! Now he's unsure about us together!
Q. my boyfriend asked for a break to clear his head.. on the break he told me he went to see a girl he's slept with before and she straddled him and took off her top showing my bf her breasts and told him how much she wanted him. But my bf said he ...
A. 7 February 2011: The sad fact is , this relationship is done. I don't see it going anywhere anymore.
1 - When you go on a break, you're already in trouble.
2 - When you're on a break, unless you both agree that no one can touch anyone else, you can't call 'ch... (read in full...)
What do I do after I leave my abusive boyfriend?
Q. I just sent my boyfriend to jail tonight....because he hit me. Backhanded me in specific...I have been with him for 3 years in march of this year...hes been verbally abusive to me for as long as i can remember. yes the relationship has had its good ...
A. 6 February 2011: I'm so glad you had the courage to have him arrested. That takes nerve, and you've shown yourself as a strong person. A good thing, because now you need to be strong for your life. Now you need to focus on yourself. Entirely. Forget men for the ... (read in full...)
I haven't cheated before but I want to be with a different man!
Q. Im currently in a relationship. I've been with my fiance for 8 years. Everything is great But he's not that adventurous in bed like I am. The sex has decreased since we had a child, not because we lost interest but because my son usually ...
A. 6 February 2011: Decide whether your family means more than your libido. Remember that you only really get one chance at a family. After that, it basically becomes pick n'mix and you end up with step families (nothing wrong with that if things aren't working out - ... (read in full...)
My partner wants me to abort his child ... please advise me on what to do!
Q. I just broke up with my Turkish boyfriend, as he was not happy that I am pregnant. He had promised to marry me and even went to meet my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. We have been spending lots of time together since then, until I to...
A. 6 February 2011: Sadly you now do know who he is. It's always said that in a moment of deep personal crisis, you can see someone for what they truly are. And in his moment of crisis, he ran away, backed out of every promise he made and wanted you to abort the child. ... (read in full...)
This boy I like says he loves his girlfriend yet he always flirts with me. What should I do?
Q. Hey Cupid This boy I like has a girlfriend and says he loves her and always wants her in his life but yet he always flirts with me while I'm at his house (my friend's brother). We don't go to the same school anymore but soon are and I just don't...
A. 6 February 2011: You need to stay away from him. Either he's trying his luck, in which case you'll wind up looking bad and getting hurt, or you're seeing more in his actions than he means. If he has a girlfriend, and says he loves her, take him at his word and stay ... (read in full...)
Due to insecurity I'm seeing a Dr. Is it a good idea to bring my BF to my therapy?
Q. Hi everyone, I often post messages on this board because it seems as if I often have relationship problems. I am still living with my boyfriend but we're going through something right now, and he says he needs to think about what he really wants...
A. 6 February 2011: I think the only way for you two to actually work this out would be to attend counselling. When you're about to go into another break, there is something very wrong. You both could do with counselling to make this work.
I think it's a good idea... (read in full...)
We broke up because I accused him of cheating
Q. My boyfriend dumped me 3 weeks ago because I accused him of cheating. I've accused him only because I was feeling insecure after a few incidents where I found out he was talking to other women sexually online. We live together and are unable t...
A. 6 February 2011: You weren't being insecure. You found him chatting to other women sexually online - so in other words he was cheating. In fairness, you have admitted that you're insecure, and you're trying to deal with that. But this guy did cheat on you by ... (read in full...)
I still love my husband. Can he force the issue, divorce me and force a sale of our jointly owned home?
Q. My husband wants to leave me as he says he no longer loves me. I still love him very much and want our marriage to work. He says he has tried but can't. Can I be forced to sell our jointly owned home if he wants to walk away? I have done nothin...
A. 5 February 2011: Yes, he can. Either that, or the he will exchange the house in favour of maintenance (i.e. you get the house, but you won't get anything else - though even this is unlikely.). It's even easier since you have no mortgage or children. As the post ... (read in full...)
My husband's child and the mother from a past relationship are back in our lives...the child stays with us every weekend, and my life is pretty much over!
Q. Two years ago I got married for the second time. My husband has a child from a previous relationship and all the time we have been married and for all the time the child has been born the mother and the child have lived in the US. The child who is ...
A. 5 February 2011: That's probably for the best. But when you do end it, please don't say it's because of the child. That will make him feel bad, and he may treat her differently because of it. Just say that you want to be alone or something like that. Don't blame the ... (read in full...)
My husband's child and the mother from a past relationship are back in our lives...the child stays with us every weekend, and my life is pretty much over!
Q. Two years ago I got married for the second time. My husband has a child from a previous relationship and all the time we have been married and for all the time the child has been born the mother and the child have lived in the US. The child who is ...
A. 5 February 2011: You can either accept his child is there. Or you'll have to walk. There are no other options. Although you have my sympathy to an extent, you should have been aware that this was going to happen one day. You're going to place your husband in an ... (read in full...)
How can I tell someone I love him, when he's getting married in two months?
Q. Hi, I'm kinda at the end of my tether with something... how can I tell someone I love him, when he's getting married in two months? Or should I? But what can I do? Nothing has happened between us. I'm trying so hard to keep things platonic. I real...
A. 5 February 2011: Sorry, but all the others are right. If you were the guy for him, he wouldn't be planning this wedding with another woman. Listen to the other posts and pull away from this guy. ... (read in full...)
Does he go soft because I am too wet?
Q. So during intercourse i get very wet. My boyfriend says hes never been with someone who gets as wet as i do. I find it kind of embarrassing when this happens, where ever we are having sex the surface gets soaked. My boyfriend tends to go soft during ...
A. 5 February 2011: Him going soft has nothing to do with you, in the slightest. ... (read in full...)
Do all men change after marriage?
Q. My husband and I were married this past Sept. We were engaged for almost two years and talked about everything from philosophy, religion, finance, and etc... We talked about one household, one budget, etc... but a little before we got married, he ...
A. 5 February 2011: Men don't change after marriage. What happens is that women start to see them for what they really are. And it's the same for women supposedly 'changing' too. No one really changes. All that happens is they don't continue with the illusion.
He hasn... (read in full...)
I'm afraid my married lover's relationship with his wife won't end
Q. Help! I met this guy online last summer and fell completely in love with him. The problem is he confessed to me that he was married and his wife was pregnant. To make matters worse he is in the military and recently got transferred to another city ...
A. 5 February 2011: Married? A new baby? 300 miles away? You don't stand a chance with him, not now, not ever. Because even if he did leave her wife and child for you, chances are he'd leave you and your baby for another woman, and so on.
You need to cut contact. This... (read in full...)
Boyfriend expects me to go to bed in bra and g string every night
Q. Hi, I've been with my bf for four years now. He expects me to go to bed in a g string and push up bra everynight at least. He also becomes angry and frustrated if you doesn't either get a hand job or hand job at least. My libido is very low as there ...
A. 5 February 2011: Are you sure you should be with this guy. It doesn't really sound like he loves you all that much. ... (read in full...)
My parents told me the girl I'm dating isn't socioeconomically acceptable!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm 24 and i really love my girlfriend so2 much...however, my parents don't approve of this girl.. they consider her as not being of the same level socioeconomically....i don't care what her parents work as, or what type of house she ...
A. 4 February 2011: Well, you're 24. No matter what your parents say, you shouldn't let them run your life now. If they're that pathetic that they'd cut their only child off, then they're a major problem you can do without.
You're obviously a good guy. Don't let bad ... (read in full...)
I know he is never going to leave his wife for me, so how do I go cold turkey when I have to see him everyday?
Q. Hello I am a 33 year old lady who has got myself into a bit of a mess. I started seeing a co-worker in December 2009. He and I are both married, unhappy, but both staying for childrens/financial sake. He only married in January 2010. He didn...
A. 4 February 2011: All you need to do is say it's over, and goodbye. Then walk away, delete his numbers, emails, letters everything. That's all.
Then really think about where the rest of your life is going (marriage, career etc). ... (read in full...)
Should I divorce my husband so he can have a child?
Q. We are a couple in our 40's and childless...An ex-boyfriend of mine is having a baby, so now I realize it is me who cannot conceive. Though my husband of 5 years have resigned ourselves to not having children (which I desperately want) should I ...
A. 4 February 2011: Have you been to the doctor and actually been checked out? It might not be you at all. Start with that, then get back to us about the rest. Just don't get a divorce or discuss leaving him. Also, if you're childless and single, you can always leave ... (read in full...)
I'm married but didn't realize I would miss my lover so much!
Q. I just ended an year-long emotional affair with a woman I truly cared about. I am married and I have two daughters. She is married with a family of her own. I saw her at work everyday but have since asked for a transfer to another office in a nearby ...
A. 4 February 2011: What you have to remember is that you're not missing this woman. You're missing a feeling - love/lust, whatever it is. The woman represents whatever it is you think you're missing. It's not the woman you miss. You have to work with your wife (you a ... (read in full...)
I need advice on how to break off with my married lover
Q. MOD NOTE: Aunts/Uncles PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL IN YOUR ANSWERS!!! I am writing to ask a question in hopes to get answers that will be helpful and constructive, not judgemental and deconstructive. I unfourtantely got involved with a married but " separa...
A. 4 February 2011: Do it all step by step.
1 - Tell him it's over. Do this in a cafe, or somewhere where you can get away so he can't make a scene. Also have a friend (if possible) nearby, so if he does make a scene, your friend can come and take you away.
2 - G... (read in full...)
Obsessive ex is trying to contact me 25 years later!
Q. 25 years ago, I dated a guy, "Ted", for the summer before I headed off to college. He got way too serious and did not take it well when I broke things off. Ted became obsessed. He called constantly up to 30 times a day, left me letters and poems ...
A. 4 February 2011: Block Ted immediately, and explain again to your boyfriend what is happening so he doesn't get confused or think something is happening. You must not talk to Ted AT ALL. He is obsessed, and nothing you say will make him change his mind. Forget ... (read in full...)
My man is very selfish in the bedroom
Q. Ok? Another question. My man is very selfish in the bedroom. He never touches me in any place. He doesnt do anything dirty. He doesnt do oral, only like once a week and i have to beg for that. He never touches my vagina in any way. LIke he thinks ...
A. 4 February 2011: Yes - Ditch him.
Think about the facts here. You're totally unsatisfied, and he won't change. The reason he won't change? "I never had to do it before, so why now?" So in other words, he's behaved this way with other women, all of whom have move... (read in full...)
My boyfriend admitted to emailing another girl sending her his phone number, but nothing came off it. Should I give him another chance?
Q. I need advice.. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now and about a month ago I found that he had emailed another girl sending her his phone number. I confronted him about it. After a long talk and a lot of tears, he says t...
A. 4 February 2011: My problem with this whole situation, is that 'nothing came of it'. What does that mean? Does that mean that if she had contacted him, something would have come of it? If so, then that means the only reason he didn't cheat was because there was no ... (read in full...)
Do man usually lose their sexual self after 40?
Q. Well, I really would like to hear as much opinion as possible. Do man usually losing their sexual self after 40? Or this is rare? How common is the diminished sexual desire, and non medical based erectile problems? Please help me out.....I was ...
A. 4 February 2011: Nice answer Odds. Can't really add to that. ... (read in full...)
I like guys who are protective but my boyfriend goes way over the top
Q. I like lads who look out for me and are quite protective but my boyfriend of over a year is way over the top with it. I love him to pieces but its like its one rule for me and another for him. He demands that I don't see any of my friends (male or ...
A. 4 February 2011: You need to dump him ASAP. This isn't being protective, this is being controlling, manipulative and hypocritical. This is not how good, strong relationships work. At all. This is how women wind up being beaten in the corner of the room, or totally ... (read in full...)
My ex will not let me see my 6 year old daughter!
Q. Dear Cupid Hello I have a question and need some advice. I have a daughter that is 6 he father has kept me from my rights to see her in 5 years. He will not provide me with a number. Or anything I've tryed to contact him eveyway possible. I am a m...
A. 4 February 2011: Is there any way you could hire a Private Detective to find her? Other than that, I can only think that a lawyer will be able to help. ... (read in full...)
I dreamed I'm going off my boyfriend. Does that mean that I really am?
Q. Last week I dreamt that me and my boyfriend was shopping for food and in my dream he started to try and kiss me, i felt sick and tried to pull away as if i was repulsed by the thought...i am worried it's a sign i'm going off my boyfriend but when i ...
A. 4 February 2011: I once dreamt that I was in a spaceship on the way to Mars for some reason. I've still not been, and never will be. So that shows dreams mean nothing really. It was a dream, that's all. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has never had an ejaculation in his life?!
Q. I am currently in a relationship and things are great we get along fine and we understand each other, my only issue with my boyfriend is that he cannot ejaculate. Weve had very brief conversations about this because he tends to avoid the subject but ...
A. 4 February 2011: To be honest, he needs to speak to a doctor and get himself checked out. This could be stress, or it could be a medical problem. You can't change his condition, he needs to do that. ... (read in full...)
Good places to meet single girls?
Q. I am a single guy (18) and I don't know what some good places to meet single girls are. Being I live in a small town also limits what I can do. Please help me....
A. 4 February 2011: Bars and such are the obvious. But one of the things that has worked for a few people I know is to use their hobbies. A friend of mine found himself a girlfriend through some evening class, so maybe that's worth thinking about. Also, remember you ... (read in full...)
I know he is never going to leave his wife for me, so how do I go cold turkey when I have to see him everyday?
Q. Hello I am a 33 year old lady who has got myself into a bit of a mess. I started seeing a co-worker in December 2009. He and I are both married, unhappy, but both staying for childrens/financial sake. He only married in January 2010. He didn...
A. 3 February 2011: He doesn't love you. I knew you would't believe that. But face facts - he married another woman, and the most he has offered you is 'one last night'.
If you continue with him, you'll just become another loser who can't see the wood for the tree... (read in full...)
Having a casual drink with my ex tonight, however I have other intentions!
Q. Hi, i am so nervous i feel sick.. i am meeting my ex tonight for 'a drink' We were only only togther for 3 months but it was very intense and moved quite quickly. thing is he wasn't ready after a painful break up but we ignored it and got very inv...
A. 3 February 2011: If you are serious about wanting this to work, then tonight should be a drink and nothing else. What you had before was passionate and moved quickly - so you now need to take all this slowly and make sure you don't end up in bed or moving too ... (read in full...)
I really don't mind if my ex's friend visits for entertainment purposes!
Q. My ex's friend who lives 2 hours away as well as my ex has got in contact with me and we have gotten quite friendly, he always inititates it! In no way did i go out of my way to talk to this guy. He is now saying and has been saying he is going to ...
A. 3 February 2011: I think so long as there are no children around that could potentially end up confused/screwed up because of the friend thing, you should just have a good time. You didn't dump your ex for his friend. He dumped you. Just be cautious that you don't ... (read in full...)
I know he is never going to leave his wife for me, so how do I go cold turkey when I have to see him everyday?
Q. Hello I am a 33 year old lady who has got myself into a bit of a mess. I started seeing a co-worker in December 2009. He and I are both married, unhappy, but both staying for childrens/financial sake. He only married in January 2010. He didn...
A. 3 February 2011: I know you won't believe me, but he doesn't really love you at all. He's just using his son as an excuse to not leave his wife (i.e. the women who no doubt cooks/cleans/does most of childcare/acts as a general slave/has sex with him etc). He just ... (read in full...)
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