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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Me and my girlfriend have been together for nearly a year now and I really trust her in every way. However she has major trust issues, they are not over anything major but just little things. It gets to the point where she won't leave her phone unattended because she doesn't want people looking through it. She won't tell me things that are pretty insignificant and often doesn't provide an explanation to her actions or answer my questions fully. If I ask for an explanation she will tell me she loves me but just doesn't trust me, when I ask why she doesn't trust me she just says it's a gut feeling. She can be very secretive but sometimes opens up to me and makes me feel like she trusts me.I know it's not just me she is like this with but I feel hurt as I trust her so much but she has very little trust in me. Is there any way I can get her to trust me more, I really love her but feel hurt that she feels she can't trust me. I have tried talking to her about why she acts like this bit she never quite gives me a full answer just part of an answer or something very vague. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 April 2011):
I actually agree with the post by matureflowerx. I don't think the problem is her not trusting you. I think the problem is that she's untrustworthy.
If she didn't trust you, her behaviour would be hugely different. She would be more worried about your phone than hers. She would be always asking you questions and wanting proper answers, and she would never be as vague as she is with you. Quite the opposite, she'd probably be too open with you, and never believe what you say.
But what you have here is a girlfriend who claims she doesn't trust you (and I'm afraid that means she can't really love you or respect you enough either). She's the one hiding her phone, she's the one hiding her thoughts, she's the one hiding her whereabouts and not answering questions properly.
No disrespect, but I think you're either being played, have been played or at the very least are being set up. If she claims she can't trust you, then it's worthless you two being together. But in truth, I think you're the one who needs to be worried here. Her behaviour is very suspicious indeed.
A
male
reader, DsuzaSam2  +, writes (30 April 2011):
I think YOU should try YOUR best to win her trust be open about that happen in YOU ARE if she even says that she doESn't trust YOU. Tell her seriously that if she doESn't trust YOU ? why she loves YOU bring some tears in YOUR eyes if she loves YOU she will melt like a candle.Try to ignore her for one day. i know it's hard for YOU to do but YOU have to. Or try to tell YOUR frIEnd. Talk to her and tell her that how much YOU love her. how much YOU care for her. Also tell she is the person whom YOU love the most in this whole world. Trust me if YOU do this YOU will get the result
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): This reminds me a little bit of how I was when I was around your age. First, let me say it is possible that she has something to hide from you (and others) and is using this vagueness as "part of who she is" so you won't question her too much. However, assuming she is NOT doing anything wrong behind your back, here are some possible reasons:1. She grew up with the idea that no one is completely trustworthy.2. She has ideas that certain things she likes doing or certain people she likes interacting with may not go down very well with you, even though they are perfectly OK. Maybe she just wants to avoid the hassle of getting into arguments over what is really nothing.3. She is afraid that if you know everything about her, you will have more control in her life. By leaving out details, she can retain a sense of independence, space and control over her own life.4. She may not have figured it out herself, to be able to tell you exactly why. I know I would open up to people whom I felt would never disapprove of me or judge me. But if someone was strongly opinionated, or could seem judgmental or disapproving in any way, I had a hard time sharing certain things with them.These reasons can all feed into each other--she may not be able to explain some of her actions because they were done out of impulses/reasons only she can understand, and even if she really understood them, she probably wouldn't feel that you would really understand (or, accept or approve).She may have to work on being more honest with herself first. (But if you say that to her, chances are she won't be happy!) Around your age, a lot of experiences and feelings are new and people don't fully know themselves. It takes time.Be patient, and try to empathize with her when she tells you things. Let her know you really care how she feels about things. Don't judge her for anything. (This can be tricky--my ex said he never judged me but I often felt judged by him. The feeling would come from the way he talked, his tone of voice etc.) Of course, keep being the trustworthy person you seem to be. :)
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A
female
reader, LadyIris  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 Some girls and guys have trouble trusting others more then others do, she might have been betrayed in the past by a good friend or something. I have friends who will open up to me and some who hide thier pain. I also am careful who I trust you earn it with time. It just depends on the person I myself have hide things from my love and him from me but we love each other. When she is ready she will tell you dont rush her just be there for her unless she plans to hurt herself or anyone else then take action.
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A
female
reader, matureflowerx +, writes (30 April 2011):
 I'm sorry to be the negative one about this I really am but she sounds pretty untrustworthy. She won't leave her phone, isn't fully honest about what she's doing and she doesn't trust you.
This would ring alarm bells for me if this was my relationship. I am a firm believer in if someone doesn't trust their partner with no good reason it is probable that is because that person is up to no good and shouldn't be trusted.
Unless you have given her any reason not to trust you then why not answer your questions? Maybe think about what I have said.
I hope for your sake as you say you love her very much that she can be trusted but just think about it are you sure youu trust her 100 percent?
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