A
female
age
36-40,
*eccamega
writes:As I've posted before, I dated a guy for a short time last year. He ended things as he wasn't ready to be in a relationship and wanted to be single. I'm 24 and he's 22. I was disappointed but let him go, but you can't force someone to be with you. I never contacted him again. 7 months later he contatced me 3 times in a couple of months. I ignored it, but curiosity got the better of me and I answered the third time. I didn't want to get my hopes up. He was very curious to know what I was up too. Especially wanted to know If I was seeing/had been with someone. Even though it was none of his business. He quickly began sending me flirty messages and sexts. He promised to meet up with me, as he said he wanted to talk to me. But he kept breaking his promises. More than a month later we still hadn't met for coffee. Each time he had a lame excuse not to come and meet me. He was either too busy, had been drinking etc. Why had he lied to me that everything would be different? Nothing had changed between us at all. I asked him why he does break plans repeatidly, but he just turned everything on me. He called me crazy and said that I needed help! I told him that I sick and tired of being stringed along and lied too. I told him goodbye. I regret even answering him to begin with.
View related questions:
flirt, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (30 April 2011):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. Asking me to come over late at night, isn't good enough. If he really wanted to talk to me like he said, he would've come and picked me up- during the day for coffee like he promised me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): You know exactly what he wanted then, not only that but I think you know the chemistry you had was based on a lie. It was based on his false pretenses to get you to sleep with him.
Basically you felt chemistry and he felt your tits.
Pretty sucky really but I think you know now that he must be cut completely out of your life, for good. The guy is a major asshole and not worth even posting on here about hehe.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 April 2011):
 calling at night late and asking to come over is a booty call...nothing more
good that you said no!
...............................
A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (28 April 2011):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers. He asked me to come over late at night. It was difficult not to go becuause we have great chemistry. But I knew he would manipulate me into going to bed with him. And then be desperate to get rid of me the next day. just like he used too.
I didn't want to jump straight into bed with him, without at least having a conversation about where we went wrong in the first place. I didn't feel comfortable going over there and I haven't seen him for about 7 months. I'm so disappointed that he hasn't changed at all. We had great chemistry and we had much in common. But he chose to still throw it all away.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): I wish we could all just start believing that our exes especially those who behave this way are nothing but persons who want to use you regardless of how you feel. As long as you let them.Well, OP, CaringGuy and Cerberus are really really right. Anyway, I can't blame you as you're still into your ex, feelings make us blind. But even so, you can follow people's advises and experience and use this as your strength to resist people like your ex. Believe me, it's nothing but heartache you will get from this. And worst, it's like you offered yourself to a lion.I tell you, the next time he calls, cancel the call right away or block him. I have gone through the exact same thing with my ex and I wish I had listened when I posted a question here last year, it was only a few months ago I had realized I had been used and now, I am never going back to that..thankfully, my determination to move on is what made me feel happier and free now.Listen to thye advice here and don't be like me before. Once I was finally able to see the truth I was like "Why hadn't I seen this coming? Why hadn't i listened?"Good luck and be strong, you are not alone and you are still young..you have more chance in the future to meet the right guy and not waste your time on your ex.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 April 2011):
well it could be that he cares for you but is scared. but i'll defer to the men in this case since I'm not one...and i like to see the good in everyone...
i think that he's not a good bet for a relationship with you....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): It could very well be what CaringGuy said and sex is definitely part of why he contacted you. I think he was just bored and wanted to play games to be honest. He had no other girl around to fool around with and wanted to see if you'd be up for opening your legs easily with no fuss, especially seeing as he found out rather quickly that you still like him when you responded to his flirts.
OP when a person says "not ready for a relationship" it means they don't want a relationship with you. It's a cop out OP it always is. It's basically them saying "it's not you, it's me" you know that one? "there's nothing wrong with you but I just don't want a relationship right now." You've probably used those yourself in the past and if you have you know it means you're just not interested in that person and never will be, but you don't want to come out and just be brutally honest. But for a lot of guys, especially ones like this guy, he's not just saying that to spare your feelings, he's saying that so he can keep the door open to come back and get you to open your legs in the future. It's a nasty ploy OP but it nearly worked didn't it? If he was just a little bit more patient, said the right things and pursued you a little longer you probably would have ended up sleeping with him.
Next time a guy breaks up with you, no matter what his reasons, no matter what he says, you have to make sure the door is completely closed to his return otherwise you'll just get used. If a guy can't/won't be in a relationship with you or that relationship failed the first time. Then letting them back in will always lead to heartbreak.
Don't regret anything, he didn't get anything from you, you tried to see what would happen but you didn't let anything happen either. So just take this as a valuable lesson.
Do not let this guy worm his way back into your life, hold your head high because you see him for what he is.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 April 2011):
I'll level with you - men like sex. Fact. Nice guys will want a decent girlfriend and the sex that comes with that. Then there's the other type of guy who will phone anyone and everyone for a quick one.
With this is mind, I can safely say that the reason that guy kept contacting you was in the hope he could get into your pants. He didn't really want to talk, he just wanted you to say "let's meet for sex". That's why he lied, why he broke promises and such. He just wanted you around on the off chance that you'd give him sex.
The lesson here is very much don't go back to ex's. He was an ex for a reason, and you needed to have kept him that way. You shouldn't do what so many women seem to do which is to surround yourself with crap guys, only to be dumped and then answer phone calls from them.
Move on with your life, be thankful that you had enough self respect not to go the wrong way and you'll meet a much better guy. Just don't ever go back to an ex, or contact an ex.
...............................
|
