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*londie1961
writes:My son has asked me to stop repeating myself when I speak to his wife. He says she doesn't want to speak to me any more because I repeat myself so often. My son says he is used to me doing this and thinks nothing of it, he says I have so many good qualities that they count for more than this one bad habit, but his wife can't stand it. She has an aggressive personality which I think is far worse than me repeating myself. I have tried to stop my "bad habit" but I am finding it impossible to do so and now I feel under pressure too. My mother and sister repeat themselves a lot and we think nothing of it. Is it in the genes or was it the environment I was brought up in? Can anybody help me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2014): She sounds like my daughter in law. She wants to control if and when I hug my son or grandsons. She hates to be around me for several reasons and one of them being because I want to hug them when they arrive and when they leave. I think she thinks it should only be one time.
I wish I had a dollar for every time she rolls her eyes when I say or do something she doesn't like.
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reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (2 May 2011):
Hello again. Yes, your daughter in law does sound like a bit of a control freak.In life, it's about total acceptance of how each of us is.We are all a certain way in the world. Just so long as we don't hurt anyone else in any way, we all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. With that, comes total acceptance.And that means total acceptance of you, by your son and his wife.Don't try to change yourself just so they (or rather she), will like you. That's completely unnecessary, and not to mention unrealistic as well.It just sounds like she is nitpicking - picking fault just for the sake of it.It also sounds like she is a person who has a low self-esteem and tries to elevate her self worth by finding fault in others. Who knows? Maybe she also picks fault with your son. You're never going to know this unfortunately, because you don't see them all day every day. That is, unless he actually said something about it to you when she's not around.She might be comparing herself to you - good housekeeping, a good cook, etc. Daughter-in-laws sometimes do this, and can feel inferior to their mother-in-laws.Perhaps this is how she is expressing it.She either has to accept you or NOT - it's completely up to her.What I often do with my husband, family or friends, is when I am telling them something - and especially if I'm really not sure if I have already told them - I say, "I'm not sure if I have already told you this, or whether I just told Mum - I know I have told someone, but ....." and then I just tell them what I was going to say.I have got into that habit for many years now, because like I was saying in my earlier post, we all tell many different people in our daily lives the same story over a few weeks (or days), and inevitably, it at some point does make full circle, for sure! It can't be avoided!That goes for ALL of us - no exceptions here at all. Doesn't matter what age you are.So please, DO NOT take it personally. This is about your daughter-in-law, not about you. She really has a problem, that's for sure.And I'm quite sure that she picks fault on other people in her life also - her family, friends, people she works with. It usually follows a pattern, you can be sure of that. It's very rarely an isolated incident.I just hope that your son does stand up for you, and not be controlled by HER!She seems to be wearing the pants in that relationship, but he's letting her! More fool him!It must be 50/50 or not at all - a two way street - not a one way. Otherwise eventually, he's going to be very unhappy indeed.Good luck with it and take care.
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reader, blondie1961 +, writes (30 April 2011):
blondie1961 is verified as being by the original poster of the question All your replies have helped me, thanks. Dorothy Dix asked if we live together. No we do not live together. Most of the time that we speak is on the phone and to do with my grandson, who I look after 2 afternoons a week. Every reply had something in it that was correct. I am going to act upon the advice from all of your replies. Once again thank you all very much for your valuable insight into my situation x
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 April 2011):
In the spirit of most replies below - who cares what your daughter in law thinks about the way you talk?
Unfortunately, it sounds like your son may have married a bit of a control freak. Let him deal with her and explain that you won't be micro-managed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): Your daughter in law is trying to micro-manage something as simple and basic as the way you talk. On top of that, your son is letting her. This is completely unacceptable. It's rude, obnoxious, and childish. If you're not complaining, being negative or aggressive toward anyone, and you're not hurting anyone, then there's not a problem.
If your son has no problem with it, then he needs to stand up to his nagging wife for you. He has a part in this, too. This is an unacceptable request.
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reader, fishdish  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 If I were you I would just keep on keepin' on. It's not like your mannerisms are directed offensively towards her. It's not like you're tourette's syndroming at her. She shouldn't be offended. She should have enough respect for you, or at least her husband, that trying to modify her mother in law's behavior should not be part of her role. In my opinion, you are boss. You are higher on the totem pole, and you've earned your speaking ways. What's going to happen if she doesn't like it when you act like yourself?As others have already mentioned, if it's enough to cause a significant strain on the relationship, there is probably something else at play here. Maybe she feels threatened by you and wants to be the only woman in his life and so by getting her husband to control you, SHE controls you. Maybe this is too conspiratorial, but I definitely wouldn't play her game. You know what they say when you give a mouse a cookie..
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reader, Basschick +, writes (27 April 2011):
 It is learned behavior, and therefore can be un-learned but it will take lots of practice on your part to do so. We all have annoying little habits that drive other people nuts. Since your son has mentioned this, you know you have to work on it because if you know it'll be in the back of your mind everytime you do it; you don't want to be the butt of their jokes later. When you are alone in your house, have conversations with yourself, as if you are talking to someone in the room. Pick a subject and go about a one-sided discussion and everytime you catch yourself repeating something, back up and re-phrase it without repeating. Every time you talk to someone do the same. As the words are rolling off your tongue, stop them in mid-sentence and withdraw. If you become aware of it, you can reprogram your brain. And if it helps you have a better relationship with both of them, it will be worth it. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): Your daughter-in-law doesn't sound very tolerant. Really? Repeating yourself when you talk is so annoying that she doesn't want to talk to you? To me, it sounds as though it is her who needs to work on her communication skills, not you.
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reader, Smileypants +, writes (27 April 2011):
 Wow, she sounds like a gem. I think it's rude it's even brought up. Some people have tics, some people have a lisp, some people have a stutter, and so on. They also (hopefully) have FAMILY that loves them , and takes it as is- or maybe even an endearing quirk! I think she sounds lke a nasty person, and I'm sure she rules her husband. Anyways, I guess the best thing would be torarely talk to her, like the poster above me said. Sounds like a win for you too!!
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reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (27 April 2011):
Hi there. Everyone repeats themselves at some time or other. There's nothing unusual about that at all.
Quite often in our daily lives, we talk to so many different people that inevitably we tell many of them the same story.
Eventually, at some point we will possibly repeat the same story to a family member and forgot we had already told them.
It's perfectly normal.
Your son is being very disrespectful towards you when he says this to you. He's not considering your feelings at all.
If he wants you to respect him, he must do the same himself.
Do you live with them?
Perhaps you could just not say anything - as in news - and just answer what they say to you, but nothing more.
That's what I'd be doing. Then it can't happen.
Take care and best wishes.
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