A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,First off let me say that I'm coming at this from a teenage perspective and as such an outsiders perspective. As you may know the divorce rate in the USA is around 50per cent for first marriages. Though my own parents are not divorced (Married since 1985) many of my friends parents are and I would say over half of the kids at my school come from divorced families. My question then is why are divorces more prevalent today than they were in the past? Is it because it's more socially acceptable to do it? Also why do women initiate most (around 75 per cent) divorces? And finally, as a person who intends to get married someday what can I do to insure I won't get divorced? I really don't want to be divorced because it would be just absolutely devastating for me and would just wreck me emotionally. I really wouldn't want to get remarried after that simply out of fear of things going wrong again. On top of all that I wouldn't want to put any kids I have through all that pain. Please help and thank you in advance.
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male
reader, Jamen Somasu +, writes (1 May 2011):
 The primary reasons for the high divorce rate is the current matriarchal system, hyper-aggresive marriage and divorce systems which are pro-female, the emphasis that the media gives on utilizing human being's grotesque nature of selfishness, self-entitlement and instant gratification.
Basically, feminists are (and still are) trying to build a utopia for women (only a very small amount of men see any benefit from this).
Now, we have the science to back this up. Let me give you a crash course in this, brother.
A man's two evolutionary, biololigal, and psychological goals in life is two: 1) find the best suitable mate possible and 2) protect and support his mate, as well as their offspring. It was true since homo sapiens rose 15000 years ago, it is true now, and it will be true deep in the future. You sound like a woman that hasn't had a lot of guys...that is a great thing!
You see...in order to facilitate the accomplishments of those goals forementioned, a man needs a woman that knows what loyalty is and why it is so important to him (a woman is truly incapable of being loyal by nature; women are amoral creatures). That drives from our evolutionary fear of raising another man's child (as well as the risks of getting married, paternity fraud, etc). Those are far more implicating on a man than a woman so he needs the security that you will no stray on him.
It is up to you on what will you do with that info.
A promiscuous woman is only good for one thing: getting off. And from a biologically, chemically, genetically, reproductively, and psychological point of view, the phrase "You can't turn a ho into a housewife" is fact.
Two promiscuous people trying to practice monogamy is a worse sight than seeing two 90-year olds trying to copulate. The mess at the end is just on the border of laughable and hilarious. Take American women for example in the following...promiscuous women are easy to spot when you know what to look for (and just about every male should know. If I know, EVERYONE knows). Pick up a psychology book on women and see for yourself.
By the way, there is no such thing as a "sexual peak" for women. What you call a sexual peak is simply the increase in testostorone production in the female body (which happens roughly on her late 20s and early 30s). She naturally becomes a bit more independent-minded and assertive. That is why that woman starts desiring other men, to the point where she would destroy her entire family to have that "high" she gets from doing so. This happens because nature, being the great balancer it is, gives every female primate a more aggressive approach to compete with the younger females (in our species, a woman's peak on looks, as well as her most fertile years, is between the ages of 17 to 22 on average). Since males would naturally prefer the younger, more fertile female over the old and less fertile, the female is designed to be more aggresive in its approach of other males to be competitive.
Unsurprisingly, this bring the following results: non-promiscuous, chivalrous and "conservative" women will be far less prone to let that testostorone rush affect her wheras promiscuous women, as well as women with a promiscouos past (never mind those who discarded their femininity) are another story altogether (basically, she had no practice whatsover controlling her hormones when she was younger and when those hormones were light in comparison to later in her years). If you are a single mother in your 20s, obviously you made your choices.It is not perfect; a few of those feminine women might let those hormones get ahold of her (although the ratio is very low) but the promiscuous girl will ALWAYS fall for this.
And when I though deeply about this, I realize that the great bulk of American women fit into all of this. That clears it up to me as to why foreign women are becoming a popular choice today for more American men...to the point where feminists tried to stop it in 2005 (although marriages between American men and foreign women simply increased more and more).
That is why American women lie about their virginity: they want to eat the cake and have it, too. At the end, you will be eating crap.
AND...if your numbers doesn't go further than your fist, count American women out of this (according to studies by several institutions back in October 2010 by Harvard, Michigan, San Diego state and more) the median American woman has had roughly 35 sexual partners by the time she is 25. Again, women will deny this and lie about it to your face because that makes her non-LT material. Interistingly, women have no problems revealing their deepest secrets when done anonymously (provide provides sexual pleasure from this).
Sometimes, it pays to take someone else's experience and learn from that instead. And seeing the skyrocketing divorce rates, the hyper-aggresive marriage and divorce system (highly pro-female), the lop-sided justice system (again, highly pro-female) and the psychological, reproductive, scientific, genetic, socioeconomic, and financial reasons as to why this is so, I am choosing a path that will not lead to personal ruin in 5-10 years from (and I am not alone). After all, instinct didn't put a man on the moon; intellect did. And anyone who followed the former to heart is simply not worth the suffering later on. That is where I start studying heavily on our older male generation's mistakes.
After all, not everyone lives long enough to make every mistake themselves.
And frankly, I want to move forward. Feminine women are the way to go.
A feminine woman is someone who has not:
1- Been promiscuous or has banged 10+ guya by the time she is 28 (the median American woman has had around 35 sexual partners by the time she is 25).
2- Makes drinking a habit
3- Uses drugs
4- Uses "Sex and the City" and "Cosmo" as guides to her life and anything like-minded
A feminine woman is one who:
1- Understand why chastity is important
2- Respect others and, above all, herself
3- Know that in a family, the family comes first
4- Respects her man and treats like him like such; at the same time, she demands to be treated like a woman.
American women fall in one or all categories of that first section while not having any of the categories of the 2nd.
While I would never end up with such woman, I have a lot of respect for the woman who is in her late 30's, has banged 200+ guys, has a successful career, and be proud of it. I applaud that because it is not easy to discard her femininity and be proud of it (it is very easy to do the first alone).
Unfortunetily, the great bulk of American women feel they can discard their femininity and think they are attractive enough for LTR when they are more worn out than my socks...those are the woman that I look DOWN upon. To me, they are lower than dirt. That lifestyle has consequences for everyone around them later in the years (I sure as hell ain't sticking around for that) and that is why more and more American men are simply opting for foreign women instead. You can't eat the cake and have it too...at the end, you will eat crap.
A while back I asked whether I should simply become promiscuous. I know the game and it took me 2 weeks to be fairly good at picking up women to take to my room (I made some lame excuse as to why I couldn't go no further. In reality, it was simply me experimenting).
I have less than 1 year and 7 months years left on my BS degree in Network and Communications management. With 3 years of savings, an MBA is very possible within 6 years (starting salary is as low as 55k to as high as 65k, depending on where you are at).
I made a sane choice in not being promiscuous. I value having a family together. With my degree, finding a job in the IT industry will be no problem (jobs requiring my degree are highly sought after). In order to have a family, I need a women that will be loyal to me (I do not want a robot or a maid). To be loyal, she must have the heart, intellect, and know why morals are so important in one's life (something eradicated in America). Most of all, she must value her femininity (which most American women doesn't). Couple with my sexual inexperience, I finally understand why more and more American men are opting to go overseas; simply put, I am not picking up the tab on women who had a great party, a party I was not invited to or wanted at.
Basically, after finishing my degree, I will take excursions overseas to find a wife (without letting her know of my financial status until the last possible moment, of course). I am currently saving up for a trip next summer to Poland, Ukraine, Denmark, Sweden and Norway. I am more than halfway there.
Anyway bro...when a woman tells you not to worry about her past, she is really asking you to, 1) be stupid and 2) not be a man. Those are the women you need to stay away from. Pick up a book in female psychology while you are at it. You can tell a woman's past by looking at her in many easy ways(and she doesn't even need to say anything). Trust me...you will avoid a catastrophe later in life.
DON'T TAKE THIS AND START HATING WOMEN!!!
Look...you have a steak laying on a plate on the table. Your dog is also around and knows the steak is yours. If you keep minimal watch over it, the dog will not do anything to your steak. Turn around and leave the room for 5 seconds, 5 minutes, 5 hours, etc. and the steak will be gone. Now...here are some questions: can you blame the dog for doing what is in their nature? No. Can you trust a dog? No. Can you trust a dog to be a dog? Definetly. This same principel also applies to women 100%.
Women, by nature, are amoral creatures so I can't hate something or someone for doing what they do. At best, I can know the "how" and the "why" and avoid getting myself into a predicament later in life.
Knowing all of this (and the specifics) is the key to choosing a great life-partner and not suffer the fate of many ignorant men in America!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@person12345: Thanks that was really helpful to me.
@Cerberus: I'd like to think there's a little more commitment involved in marriage. After all the idea is that you will have a partner that your staying with the rest of your life. Yes in the past women didn't have the same social status that they enjoy today but at the same time not all men are to fault for that. Many of us (the ones with sense anyways) view women as our equals but still want that feeling of commitment in marriage, as I'm sure many women do. I don't have a problem with women, I just don't always trust them completely just as I don't trust all men completely.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): Simple answer to your question OP, women's liberation.
I'm not being sexist either, if you want to know why more marriages end in divorce now than they ever did and why most of those divorces are started by women it's because they no longer have to stay in marriage, they can live independent lives now, most even had a taste of that before they got married.
Before women's lib, the pill, cheap and readily available hair dye, equal rights and (to the most part) equal opportunity. Most women went from their parents house to the marital home, there was no life in between and they didn't work after they married either, unless it was in a "woman's" job like teaching, nursing or secretary. So these women were married raising kids and were solely dependent on their husband to earn money. This wasn't the case with all women of course but the vast majority. They really just didn't have that many options back then.
In my opinion men and women just haven't adapted yet, we had very clear and defined gender roles before and while they were extremely unfair, they did give society and marriage a form of structure that we just haven't replaced yet.
Basically what I'm saying is that marriage probably would have had the same failure rate back then if women had a say in things back then like they do now. I also suspect though that society is just struggling to form new identities for the genders, the power relations between the two have been the same since the very beginning of our race and have only changed in the past 60 years. That's a massive change in such a short amount of time. That's bound to cause some chaos before we learn to adapt.
Who knows World War III maybe men versus women :P
Op divorce is just break up like any other, the only difference is you have a contract to anull. That's all. No big deal, you can get married and divorced in the same day if you want to. Marriage means just the same as any other loving relationship, only it's contractual and has tax benefits.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (30 April 2011):
 Just saw the follow-up, but to answer your question, I'm not married but have been with my partner for over two years and have lived together successfully for nine months and we are planning on getting married once we're done with graduate school. We knew because neither of us had ever felt that way about anyone before. We both felt just incredibly comfortable with each other. It just fit. All the right chemistry was there. We both really wanted to impress the other, but we both felt totally able to be ourselves, no faking anything. The relationship developed smoothly, there was never any fuss about what we were doing or how each other felt, it was just clear. We never had major fights. We also had very similar backgrounds (schooling, income, etc...) and similar life goals (in terms of children, settling down, etc...) and similar political and religious beliefs. Also sex is always a big part of a relationship and we had perfectly matched sex drives, backgrounds, and just general chemistry there. There's often a lot of turmoil when one person in a couple has a high sex drive and one has a low one or one person had a lot of sex partners and the other hasn't. You'll know someone is the one because it just works. It just feels completely right. You'll never question if someone who is perfect for you is perfect for you, because you'll just know. After a reasonable amount of time of course.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (30 April 2011):
I'm speaking on for my own country, I suspect things vary in different countries. It turns out money issues aren't really the leading cause at all, and haven't been since right after WWII. Basically it mostly comes down to a couple's inability to compromise. On this site almost all advice is either, "you're overreacting" or "dump him or her." People are too quick to give up on a marriage these days. I think no one teaches young people that marriage and relationships take real work and there will be very rocky difficult times. Partners should talk about their life goals well ahead of time. For instance if one person wants kids and the other doesn't, that relationship cannot work. If one person wants to spend his or her 20's traveling around and the other wants to settle down and start a career, that relationship won't work either. People need to talk about these unromantic things well ahead of time to minimize heartbreak. Also dating for longer than two years will help, since you need to know how you do long term before you can commit to a life together. A lot of people get married during the honeymoon phase, when big faults can be overshadowed by new love. Also people who get married before age 25 have a much higher chance of getting divorced, since the early twenties are a time of big changes for most people. So wait to get married until you're both financially stable. Also, marriage needs to be talked about. The idea of surprising someone with a marriage proposal is great in movies, but in real life, a lifelong commitment needs to be thought about and discussed thoroughly. Not jumped into on a whim. So before you get married, talk about it!
It's worth mentioning, but porn is now becoming a HUGE concern among married couples. Over 50% of divorces now cite it as a major reason (not the only reason, there's almost never one single reason). So I'd say leave porn out of the marriage. There are well over 2,000 questions on here about the pain it causes, so it's not hard to see how it can tear apart a marriage or relationship. It can utterly destroy intimacy.
Women initiate 66% of divorces (not 75%) because despite women's changing roles in society, women are still expected to do more than twice as much housework and way more than twice as much childcare. As well, the type of housework women do is the repetitive unrewarding kind whereas men tend to get the rewarding mentally challenging tasks (such as fixing things). When it comes to childcare, the majority of male childcare is the typically fun kind, playing and learning, while the majority of female childcare is the unpleasant kind such as supervision, healthcare, and transportation. Women are also expected to be the sole facilitators of communication. In surveys wives frequently felt their husbands didn't make attempts to listen, see their sides of the story, or accomodate them in any way. On average married women are unhappier than unmarried women and more prone to anxiety disorders and depression. Married men on the other hand are on average much happier, less prone to mental problems, and live longer than unmarried men.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help all! YouWish was very helpful. Only problem with your list is that I'm a straight male but if you just put in "girl" where you wrote "guy" then your list is very applicable. Cerburus Raphael was also very good. I would just like to ask you all who are married how you knew you found "the one"? I know I'm only in my late teens so this is probably still a few years off for me but I'd like to know none the less
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): Google "sexual partner divorce risk" and see what you find. Lots of people might not like to hear the politically incorrect conclusion that these studies point to. But numbers don't lie.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 My grandparents divorced. But they then remarried and stayed married for the rest of their lives.The horrible truth is that we are selfish and we focus to much on sex. Thus we go into marridge with unrealistic expectations.Divorce mostly starts when the couple gets bored with eachother physically, thus cheating and disinterest in what the other person has to say or how they feel.I have a theory, I think the couple have to have things in common in order to last. Think about it, you dont get bored with your friends and you look forward to seeing them. If your going to be a couple that will go outr together and have fun together then you will be happier to see eachother and appreciate them more.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 What you can do is head toward marriage with a lot of patience. Most people rush into a marriage head first because they are head over heels for their partner. Some people are lucky meeting the love of their life and forming an instant connection with them, and that is all well and good but then, others might do the same and they discover that there are things they never knew about their partner before, things that ruin those marriages because they never had a chance to think about it and deal with it beforehand. The most important thing you can do is wait before you get married, wait until you are confident in your partner, wait until you know them long enough and don't rush through a relationship. Build a strong enough bond between you and your partner. Marriage is a mighty bond but it can only be so strong. Much of a healthy marriage comes from the strength of the bond two people had before they got married. What people seem to easily forget is that marriage was intended to last forever and most people are so in love when they start thinking about it, they forget to ask themselves whether or not this is really the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with, they forget to really feel those emotions and question whether or not it is strong enough to last a lifetime.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 April 2011):
In a lot of cases of divorce, it's either adultery or boredom that has led to distance. So, in other words, two people who got married didn't work hard enough, or one should never have got married in the first place.
How do you avoid it?
But working hard at your marriage. Refer to YouWish's list below, which pretty much covers it.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 Eh, if you claim that 50% of first marriages end in divorce you are ALSO claiming that 50% of first marriages last forever.
That ain't bad at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): why? it is very easy to get an answer because some men and som women in this time are most selfish,not forgive,and dont want devote their life for family.look at our mothers,think about their kids than anything else in her life so that why they suffered to keep family make their kids are happy.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 April 2011):
 I can't say that if you follow my advice, you'll divorce-proof your marriage forever. However, you can be very choosy when it comes to certain qualities in a potential mate. Here are a few:
1. If you find a guy, consider his family. Did he come from a broken home or have his parents stayed together? How does he treat his parents? Did he have a good relationship with his father?
2. What are his attitudes toward alcohol/drugs and partying? Does he go clubbing and is a big flirt? Does he handle alcohol in moderation (i.e. a couple of drinks at a ball game or a glass of wine at a nice restaurant) or does he binge and regret it?
3. Does he have a past full of sex and one night stands, or does he prefer six inside a solid relationship? Does he have long term relationships, or many short ones?
4. Has he ever cheated on any other girlfriend? Was he ever married before? Several times before?
5. Is he sure of himself and has job stability? Doesn't matter if he's rich or poor, but does he work hard and like what he does for a living?
For your other questions, the divorce rate is higher because it's more socially acceptable. Also, many women who work aren't financially dependent on their husbands. Women initiate it for a lot of reasons. Cheating (them or their husbands), abuse, financial arguments, he's emotionally distant, etc.
You can't insure you won't get divorced. But you can choose a guy wisely based on traits that suggest a love for family life and a same desire to make a marriage work. Also, during a marriage, make good choices and work to keep the marriage fresh and alive for better or worse.
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