A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone so heres the thing my bf of 3 years is unemployed hes been like this for 3 years since weve been going out . is it wrong that its getting to me now as i have to pay for things and he constantly beg money from me for ciggerets and when i dont give him it im worried he will steal from my purse as hes done this before . hes on benifits but eats this money so quickly iM the one now whos saving up to buy a house well put down a deposit and i even paided his over draught which was a few pounds and now hes back in it . am i wasting my time with him as ive given him to the end of this year to get a job or il leave him am i being horrible help
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (29 April 2011):
Wow, this guy must be great in the sac.. I mean he must be a god or he must be the bestest house cleaner on the planet or the best chef in the universe. Or maybe he's nanny to your 30 kids. And I'm talking a total Mary Poppins.
Of course on the other hand I've seen thousands upon thousands of women behaving exactly like this.
If you love him, and he's able bodied, give him an ultimatum
If he loves you, he'll find a way. You never know how the tables could turn. It should be about compromise and love and scratchy scratchy. But before the resentment builds to over boil and total destruction, let it out.
Also be aware, some of us allow this sort of behavior to continue inorder to feel superior. So be careful of the monsters you create.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): You are not horrible and it is not wrong that your boyfriend's unemployment and mooching is finally getting to you. What IS wrong is that it's taken THIS long and that you're prepared to wait even longer before you do something about it.Do not give him another 5 minutes. In future if a man is unemployed, he is not mate material. Period. No explanations are required.In the event that you ignore our advice and keep him around, do NOT NOT NOT have children, make any serious financial plans or purchase any property without FIRST speaking to a lawyer. Keeping your boyfriend's name off the deed is no guarantee he won't get his grubby hands on your assets. In the event of a separation a court may grant him some financial reward, whether you think it fair or not.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 April 2011):
When I was out of work and on the social, not once did I borrow money from my girlfriend, and I always looked for work. I am no in a job, even if it pays the minimum wage. But it's better than nothing.
This guy is wasting your time. There are jobs out there, even if they are very low paid. And if he was that desperate, he would have taken one. Real men just get on with it.
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (28 April 2011):
 NO, you're not being horrible!
Three years unemployed with no work whatsoever? Has he even tried to get work, if only part time?
Even worse: asking you for money all the time - for something as frivolous as cigarettes! and being worried he'll steal from you if you refuse......he was overdrawn at the bank; you helped him out, and now he's in debt again.
Yes, you ARE wasting your time with this loser who doesn't seem to have much respect for himself or for you. Don't give him 'til the end of the year - give him until the end of the month, at most, and then DUMP him once and for ever!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): Your not horrible and he's not depressed he's just a mooching ass hole. You can wait until the end of the year for him to get a job, but I bet my life that he wont have one. Your wasting your time, money, youth, independence, the list goes on, on this guy. He steels from you? WTF? Hell no. Don't take that. Leave now before it's too late.
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A
female
reader, maofone +, writes (28 April 2011):
you're being used honey. im suprised uve stayed with him for 3 yrs! wow. as long as u supply-he'll stay. cut off his resources and see what happens-he'll dissapear. he doesnt love u or care for u-ur just a convenience to him
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark +, writes (28 April 2011):
 Uh. He steals from your purse, and is a complete mooch. I don't think you should give him until the end of the year, you'll only be disappointed.
Get rid of him!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 April 2011):
 Yes, you're wasting your time and money with him. It's not horrible, this guy is a mooch! Borrow money for cigarettes... Give me a fucking break! I realize the economy is bad, but he sounds like he isn't even trying. It's one thing to leave someone in their time of need, but it's another to be taken advantage of by a guy who won't even take care of himself.
Stealing from you?!? Seriously? Kick his sorry ass to the curb! You can do WAAAAAYYYYY better.
If you put down a deposit on the house, make sure his freeloading ass isn't on that deed! You're paying for it, it's yours.
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