A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 35 doesn't have a lot of money to spare but has 8k in the bank and no debts and two cars and a bike which are his hobbies. We go 50/50 and always do free things like cycling and rambling. Last night I cooked him an expensive meal and he was really grateful. I asked him if he could pop down the road to buy me a bottle of wine and his knee jerk reaction was to ask for the money. It's not the £5 that upset me but the principle here. I was so upset at his reaction and calmly told him that he has paid for one meal in the last year and how I have had to adapt to his ways. His reaction was that I should buy my own wine. I always but his family gifts and gave his sisters children £10 for Easter and just spent £200 on his birthday and that's why this hurts so much. He said a bottle of wine is a luxury and to stop buying his family gifts. I feel really hurt.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 April 2011):
Thank God you don't have any expensive medical care coming up - because you can be sure he won't be there.
It's one thing to not have money and to be careful with it. It's another to be a stingy git. And he's a stingy git through and through.
This guy reminds me of my own father - and my mother has resented him every day for being stingy. So perhaps you need to make a break and find a guy more worthy of your time and efforts.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): There are some innate characteristics which do not change over time. Being stingy is one. I bet you, he'll be worse than this once you marry him. If he is behaving to you like this now, how do you imagine spending the rest of your life with this kind of guy? It reminds me of a film I watched a few years back about a couple who come from different cultures, where the man is so calculative of every expenses which they have to share equally to the last penny. He keeps a checklist of everything that is inside the refrigerator including its price posted on the ref.Every time they take something out from the ref, they tick the item to identify who took what, so they can both divide the bill equally. One day, the husband stormed at the wife for the tick mark on the ice cream item, which the husband denied he had taken, because 'he did not eat ice cream'..the woman, could not tolerate anymore her husband's behavior,went and complained to her mother, while crying a river of tears for having married to such a stingy,calculative man. To make the story short,as you guess, they both went on separate ways to the relief of the wife. Would you like to live with a man like that? The answer is up to you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 April 2011):
 he's cheap and frugal and does not share well.I agree you need to stop spending money on him or buying him things... it's much more fun to do when you do it for each other but clearly he can't manage that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): I had a similar situation with my now ex husband. He had plenty of money but when it came to buying a bottle of wine as a gift to take around someone's house when we were invited for dinner he got irritated and fed up with 'having to' buy it. He was also happy for me to pay for hotels etc and his view was that if someone offers to pay for something then take them up on it. He came from a family where his parents were always looking for ways for other people to pay for things - 'spongers'. My view is that you are being generous and kind and loving and he is just what I call a 'cold' type - do you really wish he would do the same to you? Are you doing this to somehow show him how things should really be?. Its not about the money its about the thought. I would urge you to consider whether this is the kind of man you want to be with - selfish, stingy but quite happy for you to be generous to him. I agree with the other post - start spending money on yourself (keep up the kids presents as they deserve a little treat) but spend no more money on this guy. Blatantly spend your own money on things just for your self (not joint meals etc) spa days away, clothes, whatever you like. He has been taking the p*** out of you for long enough.
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A
female
reader, Lizzy111 +, writes (28 April 2011):
Cheap, cheap, cheap.... I can tell you that at least 50% women would find that a major turn-off and wouldn't even feel attracted to such a penny pincher... so imagine this goes further you get baby's and then what- that will also be YOUR expense??? He needs to marry his bank account...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): Now come on, that is just stingy! Was he not going to share the wine with you? How long have you been together? At 35, where is his dignity? Can you imagine living the rest of your life with someone like this?
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