A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am 17(and yes I graduated and I'm turning 18 in two weeks)and I have had the same boyfriend since I was a freshman and we have know each other since I was a baby because his family and my family were friends. He is also 3 years older than me and in collage but does not live in to spend time with me and his family. We have both liked each other since we were little but never told each other till 4 years ago. But 2 months ago we went out after my graduation for a private dinner in "our place" and had sex. But I was getting sick, weird dreams, acting more emotional and other signs for a while so I took a home pregnancy test and it was postive. I don't want him to know about the baby because he only has one year left at collage and we would not have the money for all 3 of us because I am not working. I have a feeling my parents will kick me out once I tell them but his mother is very understading, but I can't say that for his father. I love him and I am very close to his whole family but I don't want him to have to deal with all this. I was thinking of moving away and just leaving a note saying I have to go and I will tell him why in the future but I love him and I really have to work hard to drag my self away from him. I really would like to keep the baby since I don't want to put it up for adoption and I really do not want to have a abortion. Advice is needed very badly! I love him but I really don't want him to deal with this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the anwsers. After about a week my bf started noticing something was wrong so I told him the day before I went to the doctor(I was going to tell him after the doctor.) So we went together. I told my parents and they did tell me to leave. We are living with his parents about 2 hours away from where we were before. I was but on bedrest because I started going into labor not to long ago. He got a better paying job and his parents are letting us stay rent free with food, ect. His dad is uneasy with the whole thing but is becoming more relaxed. Thank you again everyone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): Nobody is suggesting to tell the world, obviously just the people in your life that need to know. As for an unplanned pregnancy counselling service, i just mentioned because they can be a help for people that feel they have nobody to talk to and they just talk through your options and discuss how to cope with telling parents etc. Its also confidential and you're not pressured into anything. Either way you need to tell your bf and your parents.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): this is your body and your decision. Yes there are consequences to consider. But the fact that you have an unplanned pregnancy is NOT something you should need to discuss with all and sundry.
This is a private matter for you to discuss with your Doctor.
People whose body it is not have no right to tell you what to do with your body. And they have no right to tell you what not to do with your body.
However a planned baby has a better start in life. An unplanned baby can cause a great rise in tension, a feeling of being rushed into something to suit other people's agenda, not your agenda.
Also do not be railroaded by those trying to heap guilt on you. That is so unfair of those people to push their own beliefs.
Your body is your temple. You decide what happens with it, no one else.
Imagine if people tried to attach blame or guilt to a tooth operation? Imagine if people tried to tell you that terrible things would happen if you got that tooth attended to? They might hold a strong doctrinal belief because someome pushed that idea as if it was fact, when it was lies.
You do NOT need to discuss your pregnancy with anyone except medical professionals who will respect your privacy. It is an invasion of your privacy to demand that you shout it out to 'everyone' that you are facing an unplanned pregnancy. It is your own private business.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): First of all, he has to know, he has a right to know, and what about you you're 17 and you have to deal with it, there is two of you in it! whether or not he will be supportive is another thing but at least you will have done your part by telling him and he can have a chance to support you It would only put more pressure on your relationship if you run away.
I know its hard, but Im sure you have people in your life that care about you. You say your parrents may kick you out, hardly, unless they are horrible people, you are their daughter and im sure they love you. They may be angry, disappointed whatever, but that only lasts awhile, just ride out the storm, it won't be this way forever.
Abolutely Nobody, cant tell you whether or not to have an termination. That has to be your decision and your decision alone, as it is you that has to live with whatever decision you make and don't allow anybody to pressure you into a decision. Its your baby.
However running away is not an option, you will need all the help you can get. You really need to be strong and tell your boyfriend. If he loves you he will stand by you, if not forget about him and focus on your baby. Then tell your parrents, this will be a load off your mind when you do and the sooner the better.
You're gonna have to be brave and prove to everybody that you are a strong young women who can handle this by sticking around, facing up to it and telling people.
There may even be a an unplanned pregnancy counselling organisation that will discuss your options, I wouldnt know of those in the USA, but look into it.
Hold your head up no matter what reaction you get and I hope it all works out ok for you.
best of luck!x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): Please, speak to a clinic about a termination now. You're two months along.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 April 2011):
 You don't want him to deal with it? Like it or not, this isn't some secret of yours that you are entitled to keep hidden. This concerns him as well, you were TWO to have sex, it is equally as much his matter as it is yours. You telling him is not you doing anything to him, you not telling him is not you protecting him from anything.
Going away? Where? Your parents will kick you out? So your plan is to kick yourself out before they get a chance to do it?
Calm down and take a deep breath, first things first and one step at a time. There is still time for abortion. Running away and keeping a child a secret from your family and even the father himself.. with no job and no money, how on earth is that better than having an abortion? Your plan is no plan, which is why you need to think about your choices and why you want to make them. Then think about what is a grown up decision to make, and the right thing to do. I will tell you, although you might not agree at first, but think about it carefully:
First thing you do is tell your boyfriend. Next thing you do is contact your doctor and speak to him/her. THEN, you and your boyfriend together can talk to yours and his parents, after you have decided what you want to do.
This is not YOUR baby. This is both yours and his. Include him, he deserves to know. Running away isn't an option, the belly you have wont stop growing just because you refuse to deal with it. And running away is not dealing with it, it's trying to escape the reality you have just found yourself in.
Don't say no to abortion before you know the ins and outs of how this will affect your life, and your boyfriends life. Talk to your doctor about your concern regarding abortions and he/she should help you through it, no matter what you end up deciding on. Contact your doctor for an appointment tomorrow, first thing. Then contact your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): Hey, I was young when I had my little boy (18), me and my bf were together 3 years and still in collage. I was terrorfied!!! I was so afraid of the trouble I'd be in, the disapointment of our families ect. His parents were sooo strict with him. I knew I couldnt abort the baby r have it adopted.It was sooo hard telling people, his parents, my parents but we were suprised by their reactions. We were in a long term relationship and they knew we werent messin about, they helped us out with collage and stuff. We thought we'd never have money or fun again, but we survived. We are now married, my son will be 7 in June and we also have a crazy little girl who is 2.When you hold your baby in your arms you will know true love and what really matters in life. You will realise you cant deny your bf that feeling! It wont all be easy, infact some days will be very hard but I can tell you it WILL BE WORTH IT!! And if you run away you, will have no one to share it with. Some day soon its grandparents will be spoiling it wrotten and loving it as much as they love you xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): No honey you have to tell him. I'm sure he loves you and wants to be there for you. Tell him first above all others. He doesn't have to drop out of school just because your pregnant. Your 2 months along and he has a year of school left. So that means by the time he is done with school the baby will be 5 months old. That's not bad. I'm sure you can survive until then. You need to get a part-time job or something and enroll yourself in school, so the baby can have a good future. As for your parents kicking you out thats what the state is for. They will help you out and make sure your not on the streets. But you also have to tell your parents, I'm sure they wont kick you out. If they do, your BF will be there to support you and thats why you need to tell him. Tell him
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 April 2011):
If you're keeping the baby, you need to tell him now. Imagine if you don't, then in a few years time he moves on, has another family and suddenly you turn up with a baby that's his. He will be hurt you never told him, and it could cause a huge amount of trouble money wise and emotionally wise.
He needs to deal with this, and needs to be there if you are pregnant. You can't hide it - that will destroy him and make things worse for you. You need to tell him.
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