| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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My teacher has hit on me help please
Q. ok so guys i need help before the six weeks hoilday my it teacher tried to hit on me,i do fancie him a little but her promied me that he would let me pass my exams if i would have sex with him and he would give me an a but i didnt and i keep get...
A. 5 September 2010: You need to tell. What he's doing is beyond unprofessional, it's appalling. There is no way he can promise to pass your exams, since they will be checked outside the school. He's just trying to bed you. And if he is trying to get you into bed, he ... (read in full...)
Is he a Cheater?? Yes or no?
Q. Okay, so I'm going out with this guy who has a rep for being a "player". And the other day I went through his phone and saw that he was calling another girl(not me) "Angel", and "Beautiful" and he's asking for a photo of her...I approached him about ...
A. 5 September 2010: You already know he's a player, so you distrusted him enough to check his phone and you found the truth. He is talking to another girl, asking for her photo and calls her 'angel' and 'beautiful'. And he has the classic male excuse! 'It's for a ... (read in full...)
I have to wait 3 years before this older guy will date me, but can't wait!! help!
Q. Sorry in advance for the length! So here's the story: I'm fifteen. He's twenty. Obviously we can't be together because A, we'd be shunned by society, and B because there would be to much drama from our friends and family if we did. So we agre...
A. 5 September 2010: You're being too much of a teenager, and not thinking things through like a mature young woman.
He has said clearly, he will not at all date you until you are 18 so anything he does is legal and he wont' end up on the sex offender's register for ... (read in full...)
Should I date 'Luke'? Even though he's in a relationship with 'Lindsay'?
Q. I need help. Im very confused and don't know what to do. Theres this boy, we'll call him "Luke". He currently has a gf (we'll call her "Lindsey"). "Lindsey" moved to Florida with her family (we live in new york) so her and "Luke" kinda have a long ...
A. 5 September 2010: Do NOTHING until he has broken up with that girl, or you will be just a homewrecker, as you say, and he will be a cheat. And if he cheats on her, he'll cheat on you.
Never date anyone unless they're single.... (read in full...)
Confused: Does he like me? Or am I a booty call?
Q. So this guy asked me out last Friday, and we were supposed to have a date on last Sunday. An emergency on my end happened and I tried to back out of the date as gracefully as I could under the circumstances through texting. He meant to reply, "you ...
A. 5 September 2010: Now you've been warned about this guy before by the people you know, and you're not listening to what they're saying. They're claiming he's a player, yet you're there claiming he's awesome, and very attractive. Please listen.
I'll add to their call... (read in full...)
My friend got mad at me and told me to not talk to him
Q. i need to know what to do with my problem? today i was at work. everything was going well.. my friend works with me he has always been understanding but today. i dont know what went wrong or what happen when i wanted to say hi to him. he just told ...
A. 5 September 2010: Just sit tight and wait. Don't sit there trying to work out what you did. Unless he tells you, you didn't do anything. He needs to tell you and unless he does, you can probably take it that he's just being an ass.
Sometimes people get mad at each... (read in full...)
What to do - Date again? Break-up for good?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together since grade school. We've had quite a few break-ups over the years, but only the most recent break-up was ever serious. (For the most part the other break-ups were due to immaturity on both our parts) The ...
A. 5 September 2010: I think you're being a bit too romantic on this, and not realistic.
This is just such a mess, that I can't see it being fixed. You slept with his friend, he dated yours. You were depressed and he blamed himself. You've been on/all the time, and ... (read in full...)
He tells me about other girls but I'm not supposed to talk about other guys?
Q. ok so i have a boyfriend and we been dating for a month now and be is always telling me about his ex and girls that texy him and expects me not to get mad but when i tell him about a friend he gets all defence with me. also he is always telling me i ...
A. 5 September 2010: To be honest, you should just dump him. You don't need to be controlled by a hypocrite.... (read in full...)
He's like one of those strings on your shirt that just won't rip off.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. I broke up with him once last October because I couldn't trust him but ended up taking him back by February after I went into a jealous fit when he was with a new girl. Now I realize my mistake. ...
A. 4 September 2010: No disrespect, but you're not really any better than him yourself. You're just as jealous. You ended it, he got another girlfriend and you got jealous and took him back. Now you call him your 'security blanket'. Basically, he's just some toy you ... (read in full...)
Online true love is falling for a guy she met at a party...help!
Q. This one is about an online romance... Now before you laugh, it's not something I've ever done before and I had actually met her in person once before. But about a year ago I met this girl online, and over a year we got close and watched each oth...
A. 4 September 2010: I think you've sadly lost. This other guy is there in her life in person. You're not. And that will be a huge factor. If you're not there in person, relationships so often don't work out. You're not there, while this other guy is.
Given that she ... (read in full...)
B/f broke up with me after 3 months because he didn't think he was feeling what he should be
Q. I met my boyfriend online, although we live locally to each other. We only saw each other a couple of evenings a week, but after three months he split up with me, telling me he wasn't feeling what he thought he should be feeling. I th...
A. 4 September 2010: He wasn't talking about falling in love. He didn't get that far. He was telling you that he wasn't feeling anything for the relationship, and basically didn't see it going further.
He's actually done you a very good thing, because he's not usin... (read in full...)
Should I let my ex back in my life?
Q. Trying to make a long story short: My ex is about 5 yrs younger than me. When we met he seemed sincere. However, he lied very badly and in the result it cost me. He claimed he wanted to be with me and granted he was younger seemed to be very mat...
A. 4 September 2010: NO!... (read in full...)
Why the silence all of a sudden?
Q. He's not divorced yet, said they're in separate rooms for 4 years. I honestly am too! Same house, separate rooms for 4 years, not married though. We've known each other for 35 years, and have been talking and seeing each other for 9 months. He's ...
A. 4 September 2010: Get the feeling this married man lied to you? I do. I think he's lied to you, his wife and a lot of other women. I also think he's lying about leaving his wife, hence the lesser calls.
You'd been had.
End the affair with this married man. You... (read in full...)
My ex told my boyfriend I was done with him. Now he won't pick up so I can explain that I'm not.
Q. I dating a guy named A for a month. Two weeks ago, due to depression he stops talking to everyone. Last night my ex had my cell and told A I was done with him....so I tried reaching out to A about that but no answer to the phone. So I left a short ...
A. 4 September 2010: He's just not that into you. Back away from him, cut him out of your life. ... (read in full...)
LDR: he's a magnet to females and I don't trust him!
Q. I can't believe I'm going to ask for help on my problem.I met a guy from My Space back on the 4th of Feb. We hit it off fast and great. When I met him he had over 1,000 females on his page and most of them wasn't the decent looking type. We started ...
A. 4 September 2010: I personally think you and the other 1,000 women are all being played and used. This guy is a user of women. I think you would do better to cut him out and find a guy who will actually be a part of YOUR life, and not just make you a small part of ... (read in full...)
How do I get him to look at me like he used to?
Q. theres this guy in my class that i really like.we always make eye contact and he smiles.i got a new hair style and when i came back he smiled and said that he liked it alot. But now he has a girlfriend and he hasnt really made any eye contact with ...
A. 3 September 2010: Sorry, but he has a girlfriend. It would be very bad of you to try and steal him away again. You missed your chance with him I think. Until he is single, you can't really touch him. After all, if you steal him from this other girl, you won't be any ... (read in full...)
Should I... or should I not?
Q. I've been with my bf for 2 years. Lately I've been fantasizing and having sex dreams about this guy .I think this guy is really attractive. Me and this guy have talked about hanging out but I know where that leads to but he has a girlfriend and I ...
A. 3 September 2010: Simple. Don't do it. You'll be a cheat. He'll be a cheat. That's a reputation that you really don't want. This is probably a sign that you need to end your relationship with your boyfriend and go out there and have some fun as a single girl. ... (read in full...)
Do guys lie about not being virgins?
Q. Do guys lie and say theyre not virgins when they really are? and will theyre guy friends lie for them??because im a virgin and my boyfriend and his friend said he wasnt a virgin .then when we tryed to have sex he could put it in..and he told me to ...
A. 3 September 2010: A lot do. I think your boyfriend is. Don't be too hard on him. Clearly you know more about what you're doing than him. Be gentle, and he will learn. ... (read in full...)
He's been done twice for being drunk under the influence yet he drove my car home DUI again!!!!
Q. well my boyfriend did something really stupid - he has two dui's and he still drank and drove home last night, i got reallllly upset seeing that he was driving my car and that a third dui will land him in jail for 1 year. should i have gotten so ...
A. 3 September 2010: Do you know how bad you feel, if he kills someone? This guy has no respect for anyone at all, least of all you. You may well get into trouble if the police find out you know he's drinking and driving in your car. You should not be with a man who has ... (read in full...)
What signals do I need to give off to show him I want to be more than friends?
Q. Hey, I'd love your opinions on whether this sounds like a date to you (I'm out of practice with all this kinda stuff; been single for 9 months after splitting with my bf of 8 years after he cheated): cute, kind, funny guy at work (not in my dept), ...
A. 3 September 2010: I think this guy does like you. I'm not sure he sees this as a date, more likely just two friends meeting and getting to know each other more. But if it goes well, he may well suggest a date. So treat it as you were going to, but make sure you ... (read in full...)
Injured bird syndrome...
Q. this sounds silly but i need someone to comment because right now i feel empty and hollow. my best male friend who i met a year ago has just passed his final work assessment. ive seen him from day one when he started and he was extremely fragile ...
A. 3 September 2010: The reason you feel this way is because you've been through a lot yourself, and in a way he provided some support for you. You've been there for him, but at the same time he's been there for you. You helped him, and helping him you felt better and ... (read in full...)
Why is it taking him so long to get off?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years! When we had sex he would come right away but recently when we have sex he takes a really long time to come or sometimes doesnt even come! Is he cheating, just not attracted to me anymore or what ...
A. 3 September 2010: Stress, worry, illness, tiredness, a strain, work, age etc etc. There are many reasons. Not one means he's cheating or he's not attracted to you. This is not your fault at all, nor is it his. It's just something that happens to guys sometimes. Make ... (read in full...)
Playing long distance tug of war...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year. I've recently graduated and moved to another city. I know he loves me but We are constantly arguing, I think the distance is mostly to blame. But at the same time, whenever we fall out I fe...
A. 3 September 2010: Relationships have interesting tests sometimes that indicate whether they will work or not. Sometimes people have a great relationship until they move in together. Sometimes, time apart and distance can severely damage a relationship.
It does soun... (read in full...)
Switching Up!
Q. This is a really complicated situation for me. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year and four months. [I'm 21 and he's 29] At a certain point in our relationship he told me that he would like to marry me one day even though we'r...
A. 3 September 2010: Don't be so sure his girlfriend changed him. Whilst I never agree with cheating, there is always a reason for it. I think she had her reasons.
This boyfriend of yours has rather reeled you in with a few lies. He claimed he wanted marriage and kids... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend taking me for granted?
Q. Is my bf taking me for granted? Haven't seen him since tuesday (well wed morning but all i did was drop him off to work). It's friday night and i texted him asking when I can see him next. He responded with "I don't know... I have a...
A. 3 September 2010: You're a 'Miss Casual' - in that he wants you around when he feels like it, and nothing more. Basically, you're with the wrong guy if you're looking for anything truly committed. His friends will come first for a long, long time.... (read in full...)
He's mad I smoked weed! What do I do?
Q. So i smoked weed and now my boyfriends mad at me.im 19 years old .and i said i would never do it but one day i tryed it and hated it.ill never do it agian..he didnt want me to smoke because he use to and i understand that but i was pressured into it ...
A. 3 September 2010: I've never touched drugs, never will. So I'm the one who didn't experiment. I'm also the one who doesn't have any side effects you can get from this such as paranoia, loss of memory, addiction and so on. You made a mistake, you can't expect everyone ... (read in full...)
I've moved on with another guy and I'm happy. My ex won't stop calling me and telling me he loves me. What should I do?
Q. I used to date this kid Mike but he dumped me two weeks after we started. I was sad but had another guy Adam who was there for me. So after talking to this guy Adam who talked to me for a month. We started dating and im so happy with him. Yet mikes ...
A. 3 September 2010: Stop talking to him. Just don't answer the phone, or put it down. Cut him out of your life.... (read in full...)
He knows I have low self esteem yet he still continues to talk about other girls!
Q. My boyfriend knows I have very low self estyeem, and knows how much it hurts me to hear him say how pretty he thinks another girl is. He told me he will stop, but of course like a lot of guys they don't stick to what they say unfortunetly. He ...
A. 3 September 2010: If he treats you this way, knowing you have self esteem, then you need to leave. You can't and mustn't sit there being hurt by this guy. You're right, no girl should have to go through this. In which case, set the standard and leave him. He clearly ... (read in full...)
Violence in the marriage, wondering about another guy
Q. I am 34 have been married for 10 years with 2 young children. My marriage has always had problems especially violence on occasions, husband committed more to work than family and husbands porn addiction, lots of lying for the majority of our ...
A. 3 September 2010: This is your head telling you to run away, now. Your children will be aware of the violence, and they will either end up severely mentally scared to the point where they become abusers themselves in the future, or they let their partners abuse them. ... (read in full...)
Still have the hots for a doctor I seen 6 years ago
Q. This is going to sound odd but I can't get my mind off it. 6 years ago my grandmother was taken ill to hospital and me and my mum stayed with her whilst all the tests were done. The doctor she had was a really nice guy and (innapropriate I...
A. 3 September 2010: No, they won't. The fact that you've made friends with him on facebook, ensured that he's single and regret nothing happening is a very big indicator that the man you are marrying is not the one for you. You claim you won't do anything. But what if ... (read in full...)
Should I let go of this tidal wave relationship
Q. I have been with my guy off and on for last 8 years since my senior year of high school. He was my first love and I thought we were going to get married and have children one day. In recent years we break up for the smallest things, like a phone ...
A. 3 September 2010: You need to let him go. Time after time, all you will do is break up, get back together, then break up, then get back together. No relationship can survive on that at all. He's not a great guy at all, and this won't work out. You need to let him go. ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to see what I see in him?
Q. I know this guy who I like and likes me, he's really nice and good looking, but he's really insecure! he's not insecure about his apearence, but more so himself as a person... how can I get him to see what I see in him?...
A. 3 September 2010: The point AskOldersister says is a really good point. When I was younger, I was really underconfident. So when I was 10, I joined a Tae Kwon Do club. Now I'm a lot more confident (I'm 22 now). So maybe if he joins a few sports clubs, or does ... (read in full...)
He's mad I smoked weed! What do I do?
Q. So i smoked weed and now my boyfriends mad at me.im 19 years old .and i said i would never do it but one day i tryed it and hated it.ill never do it agian..he didnt want me to smoke because he use to and i understand that but i was pressured into it ...
A. 3 September 2010: You've got to take responsibility for your own actions. Being pressured isn't a good excuse when it comes to something like this. While in comparison to other drugs,weed isn't as bad, you have to remember that your boyfriend used to do it and has ... (read in full...)
We have different morals. Should I date him anyway?
Q. I'm in highschool, and the guy I like (who also likes me) and I have different morals. We get along really well and have similar interests as well as have great conversations. But, he and his friends tend to get drunk and do some recreational drugs ...
A. 3 September 2010: I don't think so. Either you'll wind up turning into his mother, or you'll sink as low as him. If you want to date someone, realistically you need to share interests, morals, beliefs and you have to have goals and aims in life. It's true that ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a crush on another girl. I have asked him not to befriend her, but he says I'm being unreasonable.
Q. My boyfriend has a crush on another girl. Is there anything he can do to not have the crush deepen? I asked him to remain aquaintences with her and not to become friends, but he says that is unreasonable and I have no right to tell him who to be ...
A. 3 September 2010: Well, if he does have a crush on her and is looking to befriend her when you're not comfortable, then it's safe to say that he's chasing her and keeping you around just in case she says no. So, you can either stay and risk him leaving for her, or ... (read in full...)
Am I reasonable to expect my ex to do more?
Q. Hello Aunts I would love as many unbiased views as possible please as Im am trying be remain fair but also not wear myself out completely. I am a single mother of 2 children 15 and 12 who up till now have seen their dad every other weekend, j...
A. 3 September 2010: If there is one thing that I truly hate, it's crap/lazy parenting. The way I see it, if you fail your kids, you've failed. So you have my 100% support because you are right. He should be getting his act in gear.
Sadly, the world doesn't work like... (read in full...)
He cheated but says he has changed now, what do I do?
Q. My long distance year and half relationship shattered when my boyfriends friend told me my boyfriend had slept with a girl at the beginning of our relationship, and that he continuely flirts with others. He had always text girls that were 'friends' ...
A. 3 September 2010: I'm with TimmD. This was over the moment you went and got revenge, because basically you were able to cheat as well. And if that's not enough, remember that a man won't change his ways in 3 months. Changing takes a lot of time and effort. Trust ... (read in full...)
He loves me like a sister now. Can he fall back in love with me?
Q. is it possible for a guy who used to be in love with you, but now loves you like a sister, to ever fall in love with you again?...
A. 2 September 2010: I'm with Brownwolf. The truth is (and you can take this from a man), once a man starts to see you as a sister, you're way to into the 'friend zone'. I'm afraid the truth is, what you two had won't be coming back, and was never meant to be. That's ... (read in full...)
He ended it, but now he wants to get back together - on HIS terms. What should I do?
Q. I've been in a long term, long-distance relationship with a guy who basically controls me. I can't do anything without him knowing, he HAS to know what I'm thinking and why I'm thinking that and I'm not allowed to go near any other guy, which is ...
A. 2 September 2010: One day instead of putting himself in intensive care, he'll put you in it. Good reason to leave. ... (read in full...)
What are the rules when it comes to your friends ex?
Q. I'm 15 and I've liked this guy sinse I was 13. I told my friend that I liked him about a year ago and about a month after that he asked her out and she said yes! I wasn't mad at her or anything cause I mean he liked her not me. I was just that sad ...
A. 2 September 2010: The rule on a friend's ex is don't touch, especially after just a month and knowing that she's still hurt. You'll lose your friend for the sake of this guy. ... (read in full...)
This guy wants to date me, but he slept with other girls before!
Q. So there's this guy. He's friends with my one friend, Vaughn. Vaughn and I haven't hung out in a while, but he asked if his friend, Eric, could tag along. I was ok with it. So when we met up Eric would NOT stop staring at me. Honestly, Eric isn't my ...
A. 2 September 2010: What Honeygirl says. If there was ever a guy who was after sex, this is the guy. ... (read in full...)
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