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He cheated but says he has changed now, what do I do?

Tagged as: Cheating, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 September 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 3 September 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My long distance year and half relationship shattered when my boyfriends friend told me my boyfriend had slept with a girl at the beginning of our relationship, and that he continuely flirts with others. He had always text girls that were 'friends' and was always secretive with his phone for the whole relationship. But when your in love.. you want to 'ignore it'.

When his friend told me this, I went out and slept with two guys over one weekend to get revenge.

My problem is that I emailed the girl and she told me everything, even seeing him flirt with other girls. When I confronted my boyfriend he lied for days, and then finally admitted to sleeping with the girl..but denied everything else.

I left him, and its been 3 months. He says he wants to change and do better because he realised what he has now. He has just told me he wants to fly to me to apologise and make ammends.

What should I do?

View related questions: flirt, long distance, revenge, text

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (3 September 2010):

I'm with TimmD. This was over the moment you went and got revenge, because basically you were able to cheat as well. And if that's not enough, remember that a man won't change his ways in 3 months. Changing takes a lot of time and effort. Trust wise, there's nothing left here at all.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010):

Ever heard of once a cheat always a cheat?

I'm afraid I can't take your side on this one. Two guys? Seems you're both as bad as each other!

You should end it. It's obviously been broken before it's began.

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A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (2 September 2010):

TimmD agony auntWhenever one partner cheats and the other partner cheats for revenge, it's over. I'm sorry, I'm not being judgmental here, it's just experience. Relationships aren't about who's winning. You should want to be with your partner and only your partner. If they screw up, fine... but that desire on your end shouldn't go away. If you are able to sleep with no one, but two men then I don't think you should be trying to make things work with this guy. It won't workout trust.

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