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writes: This is a really complicated situation for me. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year and four months. [I'm 21 and he's 29]At a certain point in our relationship he told me that he would like to marry me one day even though we're both messy and forgetful people. I was so happy that he felt that way, even more so when he told me what kind of ring he would like to get me.We even discussed the possibility that we might even have kids too. But then, maybe half a year into the relationship he then tells me that he doesn't believe in marriage. I was confused since he already told me that he wanted us to get married one day. About 3 or so days ago we had an argument about how he doesn't want kids and how it seems as though I'm forcing the idea on him. He then went on to say that if he's not giving me what I want, that I should go find someone who will so that I'll be happy.I cried then. And he felt bad about it, but he also felt strongly about his decision.I even gave the option of a commitment ceremony, but he doesn't see the point of it. That hurt even more. It's like, I'm trying to compromise with him, but he isn't doing that with me.He was in a previous relationship before me to where he wanted babies and marriage with that girl, but when she cheated on him and rubbed it in his face, he no longer wanted to do any of it. And now I have to deal with the way she changed him.So right now I'm just wondering what to do. Is it because he might not be "in" love with me? Is it because we live together? I'm just so hurt and confused. When he kisses me and holds me now, I feel so numb.Thanks for any help, i really appreciate it.**I was also considering relationship counseling, but I don't know if that will fix anything. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey there CaringGuy. thanks for your response. i just had a talk with him early this morning. aside from a few tears shed, i was ready to fully understand why he switched up on me.
Thats when he finally admitted that he was afraid. He did want to go through getting married only for the girl to end up hurting him some type of way and it all be for nothing. He told me that he is a pessimistic person and it's hard for him to take a leap like that only to crash and burn.
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 September 2010):
Don't be so sure his girlfriend changed him. Whilst I never agree with cheating, there is always a reason for it. I think she had her reasons.
This boyfriend of yours has rather reeled you in with a few lies. He claimed he wanted marriage and kids, you both moved forward and you believed him and fell for him. Now 'suddenly' he doesn't.
I don't buy it.
I suspect this ex cheated because he was lying to her about things too. I think you're with a man who is a liar. I think he lied to her and she cheated. I think he's lying to you.
You need to think carefully about whether you want this relationship to continue. You can't trust a man who lied to you about things as important as children and marriage which are both life changing.
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