A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of nearly 2 and a half years has recently gotten in contact with his ex girlfriend-the most recent ex. Apparently it ended badly and hurt him greatly-she called to apologize and "catch up" the other night, and then he sends her a text the next day saying thanks for the call and he had a lot to say and hoped they could talk again. I am really upset about the situation. We have discussed having kids, we've moved to another state together, and I feel that after 2 and a half years that it is inappropriate for them to continue "ending" their relationship. In my mind, if it's really over, then there's nothing more to say, and I feel like he's just holding on to the past, despite what he tells me. Am I just being jealous or insecure? I'd like your input. thanks.
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ex girlfriend, his ex, insecure, jealous, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for everyone's answers...I should update that we talked about the situation and he said that the main thing is that he was very close to her family and since he never had a dad, her father kind of took that place and it was really horrible for her to turn them all against him, that he'd been waiting for an apology and it made him feel good to know his name was cleared...he said he wanted to tell her that he appreciated the time they had together, and was thankful for all her family did for him to get him to where he is today...I honestly still don't get it, as my ex in laws were like family to me too...until we broke up....and it doesn't bother me one bit not to be a part of their lives...but then again I have a stable, loving, huge family, and wasn't ousted on a lie, so it didn't impact me that much.
I really want to be mature about this situation but boy it's touched a nerve...hopefully things will iron themselves out, and if not, well, I'm sure life will still end up being grand! Thanks :)
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 October 2010):
Aunt Em hit the nail on the head. I'm with her. This guy is not over his ex at all. Worse, I don't think she's over him. She's sneaking back into his life at a time when she shouldn't be. I think you should decide whether you want to bother with this. This is worth an ultimatum.
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A
male
reader, whiteelephant +, writes (16 October 2010):
listen to aunty em. she speaks truly
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): You have a fairly good reason to bring concern here. I feel he has some unfinished business with his previous relationship and he should not have dragged that into your current relationship with him. This is very unfair and Id suggest you talk to him and see what he plans to do. It might be one of those things where he'd need to cut her out completely so he can move on as I did. I hate the past but to focus on the future it was absolutely necessary. I hope he gets some closure here so you guys can move on. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 October 2010):
 I also meant to add this:
'It is not what a man says but what he does that shows his true nature'
Words are cheap!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 October 2010):
No your absolutely NOT being jealous or insecure. Would he accept that kind of behaviour from you?...no he wouldn't he'd be insane with jealousy!!
You have gotten into a relationship with someone who isn't over their ex. He's a man, and men move on extremely quickly following a break up. He obviously does this because he has more than one ex and most men when they finish a relationship, they never contact the ex again.
He isn't over her, they are making contact and your just seeing the tip of the iceberg. He has expressed that he hopes to talk to her again...that relationship is far from over.
Really I think he is treating you with no respect at all, you've probably tipped your life on it's head to accomodate his wishes and now your left worrying and concerned that he's going to walk away at any given moment.
Men are so sneaky, they like to have their cake and eat it, they will be evasive to the point where they will drive you mad with worry and all so they can carry on with their own sweet way. You need to decide if its worth the heartache. You have already reached a stage where you dont trust him (and you have good cause). Unless he bends over backwards and crawls up his own tush to prove to you that he will never do it again, then you have to dump him. He'd expect no less from you if the shoe was on the other foot.
He's a dumb idiot if he thinks he can get away with subversive behaviour, unless he stops...it's game over!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): I dont think you are being jealous just a little insecure. But i would be too if my partners ex appeared after so long and started racking over their ex relationship. To say he was hurt very badly by their break up, suggests he had a large emotional investment in her. So shes not just anybody. To my mind, when youre over somebody that calls. You take the call then forget it. Letting her know the next day that hes keen to stay in touch and talk, could look rather eager. Have a talk with him. Tell him she needs to stay in his past if you are to feel comfortable. If he understands that and is prepared to leave her alone, all well and good. But if he disagrees with you and wants to resume contact with her, then there is a problem. I hope hes reasonable and chooses to leave the past behind him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): I would feel insecure too. My suggestion is you talk to him about it, ask why he wants to talk to her for so long after all this time, what he hopes to gain from it and what his feelings are as regards you and as regards his ex. Whatever the outcome, you will be clearer and more able to decide what you want yourself.
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