A
female
age
36-40,
*yj109
writes:I feel I'm in need of some objective perspectives/feedback, so that's why I'm on this website. I've been seeing this guy officially for about a month now (September). We had some drama (3rd para) initially but I thought it was dealt with. So we agreed to see where things go. It seemed to be going well at first. I was a little frustrated by the fact that it was so difficult to see him in person, even for a coffee break or something. However, I kept those feelings to myself. We had two dates during that entire month, and sort of maintained contact through email and texts. In the weeks leading up to my birthday weekend (early October), the boy kept bugging me about my birthday plans, and even asked our mutual friend, "what is she gonna do to celebrate??" I made some plans, he said he would drop by, but he never did. In fact, I had to call him and he told me that he was waiting for some friends. They had plans. I asked him if he was planning on meeting me. He said he didn't know. Mind you, I had several drinks already, and was not in the mood for these games. The following day, I waited a decent amount of time before I wrote an e-mail to the boy, expressing my disappointment and bewilderment at his actions. I admit that it was a little passive aggressive to do it that way, but I was really confused and slightly upset. I'm not usually one to complain about missed birthdays but he seemed so into the idea that I didn't know how to react when he missed mine completely. Since I wrote the email, I haven't heard from him at all. And here's additional background info. I met the boy several years ago, but we never connected on a level beyond polite conversation. We ran into each other in June, went on a few casual dates, etc. He invited me to his birthday party, and we hooked up that night. I knew it was probably a bad idea, because he said upfront that he was coming off of a bad breakup (relationship of 7 years). However, he insisted that he was over his ex, and it had been several months since the breakup. The next morning, he was all smiles, said he was glad we connected and cleared the air about our feelings, etc. However, after the long weekend, he decided that he couldn't do this because he simply wasn't over her. Fine, right? I was hurt, obviously, but accepted his decision. I told him that I probably needed some distance, since the whole thing just happened so fast. He couldn't stay away though, and in late August, asked me to give him another chance. I agreed. Fast forward to early October (story above) and this is where I am now. Should I just assume that this "thing" is over and I should just cut him out of my life? Was I really just the rebound girl (even though he insisted I was more than that)? If so, that's fine and all but I would've appreciated some face-to-face explanation. Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, pyj109 +, writes (18 October 2010):
pyj109 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the kind advice. I do wonder though whether I made a mistake in writing that e-mail. This might be my insecurities getting the best of me, but do you think it was distasteful or tacky to express my feelings in an e-mail? I still haven't heard from him. I guess part of me will always want to know what happened, or what went wrong. Sometimes I think it's just a matter of pride, really.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): He sounds mixed up about what he wants, but in the process is treating you very badly. Why hang about for someone who is upsetting you? Just leave him to it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 October 2010):
I'm afraid this guy has rather wasted your time. I think he lied initially to you about being over his ex, I think he then used you, then came clean and quickly ended it. And I think he was trying it on again. I'm glad you sent that email to him when he didn't show up, because it showed him you wouldn't take this behaviour. And surprise, he hasn't got back because he knows you won't give in again. So good for you.
I think this guy is no good, and I think you can afford to cut him out of your life.
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