A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my bf and i have been together for 6 years. I recently travelled and he started a new course at a new uni and made a couple friends. one of them was this girl who out of the blue told him that she likes him regardless of the fact that she knew about me and my bf's relationship. He turned her down and told her off. He made it clear to her that he was not interested in her and never will be; he expressed his love for me and even went so far as to tell her to cease any contact whatsoever with him. He deleted her number and told one of his guy friends what had happened. he said he had no idea where all that came from but he did not lead her on whatsoever. my issue is he neglected to tell me and i was going through his email trash folder checking for an email he needed when i came across an email with a photo so i asked him who she was and what that photo was doing in his email. apparently she had taken a pic with his phone and she asked him ages ago to send that pic to her which he did and deleted right away. anyway i had a feeling there was more to the story so i pressured him until he told me the whole story as stated in the first few lines above. i understood him and made it clear that i never want to see that person in our lives ever. what's been bugging me is why he chose not to tell me if he had no wrong doing in this. why the silence? he says he knew i would be mad but should i really believe that? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, whiteelephant  +, writes (17 October 2010):
well i am certainly not telling my girl now lol
A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (16 October 2010):
 He didnt say anything because he dealt with the situation. I'm not entirely sure why this is such a huge issue, unless there is far more to it than you have said.
In the six years that you have been together, I'm sure that guys have hit on you, if not asked you out directly. Did you tell him every time that happened? Or did you find that a polite refusal was enough?
Take it as compliment that you have an attractive boyfriend. And a very faithful one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): I think you're making a hude deal out of nothing. Nothing happened, he told you. Maybe you have trust issues.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010): He's most likely being honest. I know this from experience. I was in the same situation your boyfriend was in. When I told my boyfriend about it the first time, before much happened, he just shrugged it off and didn't care. That was one reason why I didn't want to tell my boyfriend. The second time I told him because things had gotten worse, he got super pissed at me and the guy. And this was AFTER I had dealt with the situation. It's natural that he didn't tell you. He might've thought that you would think he was just trying to make you feel jealous. That's what I thought about, at least.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010): Many reasons, and this happens.He was probably tempted and curious, and that made him more afraid of the situation, hence getting mad about it and not wanting to talk about it. Even when it isn't tempting, for various reasons, it can be something you don't want to talk about.It happens.An attractive woman, that my wife and I both knew and liked, that I worked with, told me one day what a "crybaby" and "pussy" her husband was...her husband who was also a friend of ours...I think "why is she telling me this", and was cautious around her from that point onward, guarded, and never allowed myself to be in a room alone with her. But, I didn't tell my wife for years because she was exactly the type of woman that could have made my wife feel insecure (younger long-haired athletic blond).
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A
female
reader, monkey friend +, writes (15 October 2010):
Because if he had told you he knew you might have gotten upset and worried. Thus, he didn't tell you because he didn't want you worried about something that didn't happen.
(I don't exactly tell my guy if other guys asked me out.)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 October 2010):
Because he dealt with it himself, and didn't feel the need to say anything. And also, he's probably right that you would have got mad.
It seems to me that you're now over-reacting. No, he didn't say anything, but he has been totally honest, has deleted her number, emails and made sure his friend know what happened.
But you're letting it get to you, and the distrust will quickly run out of control. You've already been through his email, and even with the full explanation that I do believe, you're looking for holes and making this into a big deal.
As Dirtball says, explain that if it happens in the future, you'd want to be told. But let it go now, before you start to lose it and wind up jealous and paranoid.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (15 October 2010):
 He probably didn't say anything because he took care of it. There was no point in telling you about a non-issue because he knew it would likely cause a jealous reaction in you. He was honest with you when you talked to him about it. It is completely reasonable to believe that he's telling the truth here. Tell him that if he has to turn any other girls away, then he should tell you about them. He'll know for next time. Please don't make an issue out of this because there shouldn't be one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010): Nothing happened. He didn't feel the need to tell you. I don't tell my bf about every guy I turn down :p
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A
female
reader, Napalm_Angelripper  +, writes (15 October 2010):
 I really think he genuinely cares about you, and told her off because she wouldn't stop bothering him. Although I find it a bit strange that this girl would tell you straight up out of the blue that she has feelings for your boyfriend, if he let her go, then he let her go, plain and simple. I do believe that he probably didn't tell you because he was afraid of how you would react.However, that all depends on how you normally react to these situations. Ask yourself, would you have really gotten angry if he had told you this beforehand? Answer yourself honestly now.Also, another question, what exactly did she say, and how did she present her feelings for your boyfriend? I don't want to alarm you or anything, it just seems a bit weird to me, as I had mentioned prior.Best of luck to ya!-The Resident Metalhead
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