A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK, weird situation here. I have a friend who is a girl and I am a guy (last time I checked hahaha). Anyway, don't ask how, but I figured out how to check her email. Yeah I know it's low. But the reason I did it is because I wanted to see what kind of a person she is. I have helped her out a lot and sometimes I think she is using me. I got the sweets for her a little and it drove me a tad crazy this year but I got over it and said ok I can just be friends with her.But every time I check her email I am depressed. She is a flirt and she gets sexy emails from men which she answers. She also was seeing a married man. She also lies, telling one guy one thing and another guy another thing. I was so depressed that after a few times I stopped looking because I couldn't take it anymore.My question is: how do I approach the relationship now? I can't trust her, I am disenchanted with her, but I can't tell her WHY I am disenchanted because then I will have to reveal that I snooped the loop in her email. Crud. What a mess. If I stop talking to her entirely it is not right, but I can't hang out with her knowing all I know.Any advice? Oh and please don't get on me for checking her email. I actually do not feel too guilty but realize it was bad because now I am in this predicament.Thanks.
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depressed, flirt, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Do not, under any circumstances, tell her that you checked her email.
I had the same deal with my ex girlfriend's facebook, except she turned out not to be a flirtatious liar, contrary to my expectations. Anyways, I decided that to have real trust between us, I would have to come clean -- WORST DECISION EVER -- I know... it was stupid, she didn't dump me for it, but omg it was terrible.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): I can't believe some posters are letting him off the hook for hacking into her email, giving excuses for him like she "should've secured it better." Well, I think she should get better friends! Her love life is straight up none of your freakin' business, and those terming this "stalkerish" behavior are right! She owes you nothing and I hope you confess your behavior so she can wash her hands clean of you! I can't believe the OP has the nerve to come on here talking about how "disenchanted" he is with her behavior. She should dump you as a "friend" and block your number.
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A
male
reader, Bobarctor  +, writes (6 January 2011):
That fall into the "what is seen, cannot be unseen" category. You have probably, in your own mind at least, tainted whatever is between you now and in the future. Learn and move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): She may be playing the other guys whom u don't know. She is not your gf or wife. What is your motive to check her e-mail? It might be acceptable if she wer ur gf or wife provided that u strongly suspect her of an affair that u can't prove otherwise. But in ur case u are more guilty than her. I'm not sure if she is guilty of anything. The other guys may be of her kind.
VERDICT:
You are proven guilty and she is innocent until proven guilty
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Don't worry about snooping, everyone does it. Don't be fooled by those Cleo's who act like they'd "never"...they do. But it's a slippery slope, as you've discovered because you can NEVER reveal how you know what you know, but once you find something unfortunate you can never go backwards. My suggestion is to gradually distance yourself from her, a little at a time; then it seems more like you've just gotten super busy, or you may tell her you've met someone else and then just slowly, stop returning her calls and texts etc. It's going to take time, but this gal is not someone you really want to be involved with. She's a major game player. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Nonamus  +, writes (6 January 2011):
Everyone is ragging on you about looking at her email, but if she didn't want anyone snooping, she should have secured it better.
As to having her as a friend, you know how she is, so just keep it casual. You might want to just slowly let the friendship die.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 January 2011):
This is the behaviour of a stalker. You've basically illegally broken into her email account. And found what? That she's a single woman who's playing a whole load of guys against each other.
Problem is, you're the stalker who didn't trust her so illegally hacked her account! That makes you at least as bad as she is!
You need to just steer well clear of her, or someone will find out you're hacking and then you'll be talking to the men in white coats.
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Whatever you think she is, she doesn't need you going through her emails. If you didn't find anything that disgusted you in her 'inbox' would that make it right? No. Leave her alone.
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A
female
reader, Godchild +, writes (5 January 2011):
If you go looking don't we always find something. Your problem is you attached to her. She is your friend, not your girlfriend,fiance, or wife. Why would you even invade her privacy. I did that to my bf one time, I felt so bad I told him, I felt so horrible. If your friend, why not just ask her. Clearly you cant be friends with her because you want more then she is capable of doing.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Wait she's not even your girlfriend? So right do you have snooping through her email? That makes you a hacker and not a very good friend invading her privacy.
Well you could have done the normal route and got to know her as time passed on. It takes years to truly get to know someone. You took the shortcut and what did you learn in the process? That she's who you thought she was. A flirty girl and a liar.
You should stop talking to her because you're not capable of being friends with her. Why? Because you're just as untrustworthy as she is and that you still like her. Back away from this friendship quietly and no one gets hurt.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (5 January 2011):
 You only realize it was bad to check her email because now you're in this prediciment? Really?
You are a STALKER!!! That's right, a stalker. She's not your girlfriend, and even if she was, doing what you did is a huge violation of her trust.
She's her own person and is free to do whatever the hell she wants. If she makes bad choices, those are hers to carry. Just like your bad choices are yours to carry.
You need help buddy. You need to learn boundaries and that the world doesn't revolve around you.
"please don't get on me for checking her email." Are you a comic? Because that's hilarious!
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