A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hiii, i fell pregnant when i was 15 but had the abortion when i was 16, my fiance stuck by me through it all and said he would do what i wanted, i know it was the right thing to do , but i think about it every single day and sometimes get upset:/, everytime i speak about it, he changes the subject. i dont know iff he thinks about it or iff he gets upset sometimes, what should i say to him, ? xx
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 January 2011):
Men and women handle grief in totally, totally separate ways, which leads to plenty of arguments and wrongful assumptions. Women generally gain more from openly talking about it, whereas men gain more by simply thinking about it, then perhaps taking to a professional when the time comes.
You have both been through a lot together. You have had an abortion, and both of you have lost something. The issue now is that whereas you want/need to talk about it, he simply can't because his coping mechanism is to fall quiet and not talk.
Yes, he gets upset, yes he thinks about it. The same as you do, the same time you do, mostly when you bring it up he will think about it. But whereas you want to talk, he simply doesn't and probably can't.
If you need to talk, you would do better to speak to a professional who has experience in these matters. You would gain more from that, and it might help your boyfriend open up further down the line. But for now, let your boyfriend have his silence so he can grieve. The more you try to talk to him or wrangle something out of him, the more he will just change the subject.
He cares, very much, more than you know. That's why he changed the subject.
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