A
female
age
,
*aryB
writes:My ex left me 8 mths. ago after 7yrs together basically, for someone else. His reason although, vague was because he wasn't happy. We had our ups and downs like anyone else but, for the most part we got along well. I really had no clue this was coming and was devestated to say the least. I have worked hard emotionally to get past this and gave up hope a while ago of him ever coming back although, I still love him. At this point, I'm more angry than anything else because he chose to be with someone else instead of trying to work out what he felt was wrong with our relationship.The reason I'm writing this is because I have just recently recieved news from his family whom I have kept in contact with since the breakup that my ex is not very happy with his new gf and still loves me. Why they felt they needed to tell me this, I don't know. Anyway, I have to wonder why he has not made any gestures towards me to that affect. Could it be that since I severed all contact with him several mths. ago after finding out about him he figures I have moved on or could it be that he is too much of a coward to admit he made a mistake? I know that he has a problem with being alone so could it be he is settling for what he has now for fear that I will reject him if he attempted to try to get me back? I have a hard time believing what they are telling me seeing that he had no problem ending our relationship after so many yrs. for her due to the fact that he was supposedly unhappy with me. I'm not asking this because I want him back, just wondering why he has not tried to contact me in some way if that is really the way he feels. Your insight would be appreciated.
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female
reader, MaryB +, writes (12 January 2011):
MaryB is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank all of you for responding to my question & as one of you pointed out- your right, I DO deserve better! I know his family means well & I also, know that although he is thier relation they have never approved of what he did to me nor have they favored her over me as they have always treated me as family & still do. I also, know that deep down I would never be able to fully trust him again regardless of how he feels. I put my heart & soul into loving this man & in the end my feelings didn't matter much to him- now that I look back at it, it was always ALL ABOUT HIM! It will take a while longer to get past all of this but, in the end I'm sure I will be the stronger for it-I just have to keep telling myself it is his LOSS, not mine!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): People will tell u what they think u want to hear.
By his family perhaps 'giving u false hope' they actually regressed any progress you made.
I read your words slowly (again) and realised that u actually have a good head on your shoulders. However plse do not fall into the trap of waiting, pining , being hopeful. You are a smart, mature 50s something woman, go out there and find yourself a proper man. A man who will be faithful and who will love u through the good times and bad. Don't sell yourself short honey. You deserve better, start to believe it.
Now that u have analysed this mans situation (whys/ifs/buts) how about getting closure. He hurt u very much and I think u have mourned the death of this relationship. How about starting to live again.
The best revenge is a life well lived, so plse start today.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 January 2011):
You've pretty much nailed it yourself.
His family can say what they like, any time to pretend that it's all okay. I suspect that they're doing this because you were the more suitable woman for him, and they're hoping you might break an start chasing him or something. Don't!
He has never one contacted you, and he left you for another woman. He hasn't made any attempt to move forward with you. All he's done is move on. Even if he did have feelings for you, I'd still say move on because he failed you so badly before.
This guy has not come himself. I think you'd do better to continue to move on, and not listen to his family.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 January 2011):
 it would count with me if he told you his feelings and he explained his thoughts to you and he was intent on convincing you that he would never be unfaithful to you.
But if the butcher, the baker, the candle stick maker and all his family (but not him)were to tell me it would not mean a thing. They are poking their noses where they should not go. If he has not the courage to take care of his own business then he has earned no credit from me. Talk is easy, it's actions that really show the man and his intentions
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 Families! People who think they are doing good when all they are doing is stirring the pot.
I can understand your being angry with your ex more than anything, and I also dont understand why his family have chosen now to tell you his feelings.
Try and put it behind you, if his family start to tell you stuff about him again, just put your hand up and tell them you are not interested, and that if he has anything he feels you should be told, he can do the telling himself.
After 8 months it would be very hard to take him back, you have changed, and so has he, however, if you beleive this is his family's intention, again, tell them you need to hear those sorts of declarations from the horses mouth or they dont mean anything.
You sound as if you have your head screwed on right, now its time for you to set the foundations for the rest of your life, good luck with that!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): I understand what you're going through completely, as I've been through similar myself and so have plenty of other women in my life.
I think mainly you're better off looking at this from a more outside perspective. You know he doesn't like to be alone, just as he is also showing signs of someone who doesn't seem to be happy in any relationship he gets himself into. In other words, he sounds wishy-washy and not the stable type to depend on.
It's probably best to ignore this woman's claims for now, since actions speak louder than words. If he is allegedly unhappy with this woman and still in love with you, then he would have at least dumped her by now in order to prove the he's serious, rather than waiting for a chance to jump straight from Point A to Point B.
You also have to ask yourself: how do you know he won't change his mind later on once he's with you?
Sounds to me like you've got it figured out, but maybe that you're also struggling with your hopes warring with your clear judgment. In this case, sometimes it's better to act off what actions you've seen from this person and your instincts, rather than simple speculation, hearsay, or hypothetical reasoning.
I would say let him go. When he grows up some and can stand to be alone a while to prove himself properly, then maybe give him a slow chance to to do. Otherwise, letting him back through the door before he's ended it properly (and preferably long-term) with this other woman just enables him and shows he's not changed a bit.
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