A
female
age
51-59,
*ll smiles
writes:My boyfriend and I had been together for nearly 6 and half years. We shared a home for about 5 of those years. Our relationship had always been a good one, but unfortunately, this past fall things started to fall apart. We started to fight more, I started saying mean and nasty things to him,we stopped talking and hanging out together, and stopped having sex about a month before he moved out. I still dont understand why things started going so badly, I knew I was unhappy at that time, with the stress of my career, family and home. It seemed like i just didnt want to be bothered, by anyone. I just wanted to sleep, and left alone. Like I said my boyriend moved out, got his own place, and about two months later, I discovered that he had started dating a co-worker soon after he left. During this whole time he still kept in contact with me thru txt messaging and dating her. But after I had found out about his other woman. Things got sooo bitter, and ugly. He still tries to keep in contact and its hard for me to ignore him. But I try. This past Monday, after 3 and half months apart, my boyfriend reached out and talked to my parents about what had happened, and let them know that he wanted to stop by our house to talk to me. He has also tried to contact our mutal friends, asking how they were, and telling them he missed them. He he hasnt exactly come out and asked, but i think he is asking for a second chance, and once he does, should I? I dont know if I can trust him. I dont know if he has completely broken things off with this other woman. I still love him, but i dont know if its possible to repair whats been torn apart. What should I do?
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 It sounds like you went through a bout of depression and even though your husband may not have recongized your symptoms (and neither did you) he sure didn't waste anytime rushing into the arms of another woman! That shows what a weak character he has. Perhaps you can both put this chapter behind you, but he needs to realize your behavior was due to a medical condition, and his "condition" was due to his inability to keep his hoo-hoo in his pants. I wish you the best. I suggest counseling.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 You can begin by talking to him and telling him that you are sorry for your behavior long ago. Even if he does not feel the same way anymore, it is still best that the air between you is cleared of all poison so that you can still at least maintain a good friendship.
From there it is up to him to tell you whether or not he still wishes to be with you. If he is looking for a second chance, he will accept your apology and perhaps you two can talk about his feelings towards this other woman, perhaps it was merely a rebound relationship and (even though I feel that it would be terrible toward this other woman) he will leave her shortly before it gets any deeper than what it might be already.
It is entirely possible to repair this all but you both need to work at it and work at avoiding this sort of near-invisible issue later on should this relationship progress.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Secretlife  +, writes (6 January 2011):
just try and start off where yall ended. i knw yall still really love eachother u just have to try and see. everything will be ok.
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A
female
reader, Secretlife +, writes (6 January 2011):
yes i think it's possible to fix things with him. Its just goin to take time. Although i do find it suspecious how he started dating the other women right after he moved out. Its just a matter of trust and love. Yall were together for 6years I know yall both still really love eachother. I think yall should just sit down and talk all the problems out. Just try and see you'll b fine.
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A
female
reader, all smiles +, writes (6 January 2011):
all smiles is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou said that i needed to explain to him what went wrong and why. Sadly, I'm not exaxtly sure what DID happen, or why it happened. I want to work on this...but I dont know where to start.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 January 2011):
This might be something that can be repaired with a lot of work, from him AND you. Remember, you might think you can't trust him, but he KNOWS that he can't necessarily trust you either. So, you're both in the same situation here, coming for a second chance.
The first thing is to find out whether he's single or not. You can't do a thing unless he's single. So, try to find out.
If he's still dating the other woman, then you need to continue moving on. If not, then you need to talk to him.
As for talking, clearly things went wrong because of a major communication break down. You were brave enough to admit here that the problems started because you were unhappy at the time. So you need to be braver still and tell him how sorry you are for your behaviour back then. Explain to him what went wrong and why, and see what he says.
That's really all you can do.
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