A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have had a relationship with a girl on the internet for over four months now. We have communicated by email, instant chat and over the phone over this period and are looking to move forward to meeting.I'm getting attached to her as we have spoke literally everyday for hours. We have both expressed the same feelings for each other and on a personal level she is the girl i've always wanted and I want more than anything for things to work out.I have been told in the past that I can be a little insecure about myself and that leads to negativity. The problem is that we have no common interests and sometimes when we talk I feel like every topic we talk about is coming from me and that her replies are pretty short. I'm a pretty shy guy myself so you can imagine how challenging this is for me to handle and it's got to a point where I think I don't interest her and that i'm just dull and boring. She has had a lot to deal with recently and that might play a part. It does not bother me we don't have the same interests, but I wish she would contribute to the conversation from time to time. Silence isn't an issue for me as long as I know it doesn't bother them. I do not know if silence with me bothers her.Can a relationship work without common interests to talk about. Just on enjoying each others company and loving each other. She says she loves me and wants to be with me, but I can't help the vibe she gives me sometimes. Am I just not understanding enough?Sorry if my grammer is bad.
View related questions:
insecure, period, shy, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 I disagree with everyone here. The fact is, you have never met each other. It is possible that you can BUILD common interests and experiences. When you meet and do things together you will then have those as reference points. You an also explore different things and see what you like and don't like.
If there is a spark now, I think it is worth giving meeting -- even meeting a few times -- a try. Why give up now? All beginnings are hard. If there is potential, and clearly there is, then I believe strongly in moving forward.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 January 2011):
Realistically, not at all. Something like this can only last for a very short while before you just having nothing whatsoever to talk about. Sure, at the moment you have a few things, but you'll quickly reach the awkward silences and such.
This girl seems more like a friend than a girlfriend. Go and find a girlfriend who you have more in common with.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): You said "can a relationship work without common interests to talk about"
my answer is, sure it can but just for a while.
I too am having the same problem with my boyfriend...
I feel like I'm the only one who's talking and always thinking of what topics to talk about or just what to say.
it's very hard at times because we always have that awkward silence. don't get me wrong, he's a sweetheart and i love him for who he is but somewhere deep down in my heart i know this relationship won't last very long...
you said you don't know if silence bothers her... maybe she's like my boyfriend. he said he just wants to hear me talk abd listen to what i have to say.
maybe she's not comfortable with you just yet.. just talk to her and see where that goes.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): Shall i tell one thing friend,dont get confused,understand her relationship first,how do you feel(just a friend or intimate friend or lifetime friend or define actually what relationship you are having with her....be assertive..
if you feel her as a good company to spend time with u then it cannot be love..that is instant time pass..
if you feel most comfort in sharing the feelings of each other as a good friend then she can be your soul partner...
understand first?and take decision...dont confuse her also...hope she loving u truly...though her answer pretty short..then it could be her nature...
...............................
A
female
reader, cat lady +, writes (8 January 2011):
 The answer is NO! You can have a short fling with somebody like that but not a relationship. I don't know if anyone has ever told you this but boredom kills! After a while, it anesthetizes you so you can't find the motivation to escape and then life becomes so unutterably dreary you quit caring about it. brrrr....horrible. On the other hand, if you do have common interests, you two can put up with a lot from each other.
One of the most exhausting things I can think of in a relationship is always having to carry the weight of a conversation. You're better off keeping your domestic peace by yourself and talking to your dogs. Listen to your instincts, young man: if you think this isn't going to work out, you have good reason, whether you know it yet or not.
That said, you seem to like her for something so how about just staying friends? It would not be decent to let the girl invest her heart in you when you hold this problem a secret from her.
...............................
|
