A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfreind only wants sex ounce a week and never during her period but i have a very high sex drive so i want to masterbate infront of her, she used to be ok with it even give a helping hand but now she doesnt like it when i do it and hates it if i go and look up porn to wank to instead. What should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): I just want to add, don't bring up porn usage with her again. Don't try and fight to be allowed use it, don't use it as a tool to get at her or anything like that.
Don't mention it at all, because it doesn't matter. For you it can be a means of saving your relationship but she will not see it that way.
No need to mention it ever.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): Have you talked to her about this and what has she said about it? If she refuses to discuss it or try and improve your sex life then you might just not be sexually compatible.
I'm going to get really cast down for this by the women on DC but I'd say the same to a woman if it would help her relationship too.
What she doesn't know won't hurt her. Just masturbate in private and use porn if you like. She doesn't need to know. Now if she were ever to ask you cannot lie but if she's not satisfying you sexually, won't try and change that and you still want to be with her then you'll have to do what you have to to ensure you don't become completely frustrated.
I had to do that with one of my exes, she lost her sex drive and would not, no matter what I tried, get it back. She basically told me that once a week (no more oral or manual, either given or received) was her normal sex drive and that the 6 months we had of lots of sex was only because she was still trying to win me over, that I'd just have to accept that she wasn't sexual. She didn't want me using porn either, so I was stuck, as she denied me satisfaction from her and wouldn't let me use a perfectly reasonable outlet for my frustrations either. Needless to say I should have realized then that it wouldn't work out for us but I held out hope that maybe she would change. So while I did that and kept trying to improve our sex life. I used porn to stop myself going crazy from the frustration and she never found out.
Look we guys are masters at masturbating, in the sense that we honed our ability to do it quickly, cleanly, silently and without anyone ever knowing from the time we lived with our parents. We are experts at covering our tracks when it comes to masturbation and our porn usage. I had one free streaming site that I always used when I was with her, I learned early on how to cover my tracks, google chrome, firefox and even explorer have an incognito window option now that doesn't save history of the pages you view in it.
Back when I was dating her I had to go in and manually delete all links to the site from the history and the cache, you see you have to individually remove only the links that site, if you clear the entire history then that's obvious as hell. But now with the privacy window option that is no longer a problem.
In all your years of masturbating were you ever caught? If so then how many times out of the 1000's of times you did were you caught?
Basically at the moment she's denying you sexual satisfaction and she's trying to deny you an outlet for your frustration, try and reason with her first, try and work this out with her but if she refuses to change then you might have to move on. Simply but man, right now she's forcing your sexuality to match hers, she wants to be the only person pleasuring you yet she won't do that. So use porn as much as you like, make sure you're not caught and see if you can salvage this.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 January 2011):
I also think that you need to talk to her again. This will only get worse, and this is the sort of thing that leads to cheating later down the line, or misery, or both. She needs to open up as to why she doesn't want it as much. Approach it gently, and with an open mind. Explain that sex is as important to you as any other part of a relationship, and that you fear if things don't get better, the relationship will start to fall apart. She can't expect you to basically forgo sex apart from once a week.
Realistically, she can't moan at you about the porn if she isn't willing to be more open about sex. However, the least you can do is use the porn totally privately and get rid of the history. That shows a bit more respect.
Talk to her gently, find out whether things can change and then get back to us if things don't.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Have you tried to discuss with your partner why she is not so keen as she used to be? Is she stressed about anything? Does she have a busy job? Sometimes these things can have a huge impact on your sex drive.
As for her not wanting sex during her period. Not all women do to be honest. I don't! However, there is nothing stopping her occasionally giving you some oral during her period... but please bare in mind... periods can drain women of energy and some months all I want to do is sleep during my period so sex can sometimes be the last on our agenda!
With regards to the porn - I do find a lot of women don't like their men watching it, however, I personally don't have an issue with it but that is because I am happy within myself and know I consider myself as a good lover. Perhaps she is insecure or lacks confidence... she probably thinks that these women you are looking at are better than her and turn you on more than she ever can.
One thing I will stress though because some men tend to forget this or do not realise it. Women are more likely to be more active in the bedroom if they are receiving lots of love and attention outside of the bedroom. You need to make her feel loved and wanted... kisses, cuddles, compliments and the odd bunch of flowers etc.
Talk to her otherwise it is just going to get worse!
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): Can you wank in private? Why do you want to do it in front of her? Many women dont like this, or are at least unimpressed by it.
My feeling on women who dislike their men watching porn is that they are usually insecure or sheltered. But that is my opinion, and I realize it is not perhaps the most popular one. But perhaps you need ot compromise too and use mental porn over stuff on the computer. Or, if she is into porn at all, maybe watch together. I think the objection to porn by most women is that it is percieved as cheating...you are looking, usually secretly, at another women and getting off to it sexually. You have to respect her feelings, but she may need to respect your drive a bit more too. Talk to her about it.
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