| A
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend of 6 years off and on says he loves me so much, and wants a future with me, but he lives in another state by choice (not because of his job), and i haven't seen him for 6 months-he is coming on monday to stay at one of the four houses he rents. he forgot my birthday on saturday, and he said he's making it up to me tuesday. but in my opinion, if a guy really loves you, he won't forget your birthday and he won't want to see you every 6 months. people say i should break up with him, i've kind of already broken up with him in my heart, because i know he couldn't possibly love me like he says he does-if he did he would want to be with me all the time. he asked me to move in with him when he moved 6months ago, but i have told him repeatedly that i want to wait until we are married. We have been engaged already, and I have already lived with him (about four years ago). he says he won't marry me unless i live with him first-but i already have lived with him and we obviously didn't get married. we are only getting older, and i eventually want to have kids-he talks about having kids with me all the time but at this rate we will be married at age 50! he is already 37. I'm 28. anyway, what do i do? has anyone been in a similar situation? it makes me want to date other guys, which i have, and it hasn't worked out, but my heart always goes back to him, but he is definately not giving me what i need. Help! I hate sounding needy or insecure to him, so i rarely call him, and i'm not that nice on the phone anymore to him either. that keeps me safe, by me putting up a wall. but i realize that this is not the life i want to lead forever and ever.
View related questions:
engaged, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 January 2011):
Even now, it never ceases to amaze me that women (and some men - but mostly women) actually accept some of the lowest forms of treatment in the world.
He lives in another state totally by choice.
You haven't seen him in six months.
He's coming this weekend, but it staying elsewhere.
He forgot your birthday.
You have totally opposing views on marriage - you want to wait until you're married, he won't marry you until you live with him.
Look, you're wasting your life. The guy doesn't really seem that bothered about you, and eve if he was you both have opposing views to things like marriage. Also, if you're wanting kids, you don't want to miss the chance by waiting for a man who isn't interested and doesn't have the same values as you.
You need to face up to the fact that this isn't working. At all. It's a total failure of a relationship from start to finish on several different levels. The difference is, when he's 50 he will probably be able to have kids. You will have run out of time.
Stop accepting poor treatment, cut him out and spend a lot of time just being yourself. Then find a guy who agrees with your ideals about marriage, children and other things. Just for God's sake stop wasting your life on a man who just isn't the one for you.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Sounds more like a pen-pal than a partner.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): I don't have any words of wisdom for most of what you say, but I have to comment on your assertion that a man who loves you will remember your birthday.
We women remember birthdays, anniversaries, and a myriad of other special occasions for friends & family members, and of course for the men in our lives. On the other hand, most men barely remember Christmas & Valentine's Day, even with the major media blitz leading up to them. And your birthday doesn't have much of a media blitz ... so you have to create your own. Email him a reminder several weeks ahead, then another reminder a week later, and so on until the actual day. You'll have to do the same with your anniversary. After 5 years or so of doing this, he'll remember that your birthday is sometime in January. Not the specific day, necessarily...that will take another 5 years. (If you tell him that your birthday is about 2 weeks before the Superbowl, it'll help him fix the date in his mind a bit faster.)
Yes, it's disappointing to have to go through all this. It's natural to think that someone who cares about you will make an effort to remember your special day, especially after years together. And there are enough men who do remember birthdays without their girlfriends/wives having to make a fuss that it's harder to deal with the more typical men. Just try to keep in mind that your boyfriend really did not mean to hurt you by forgetting. Men are from Mars, after all ...
...............................
|
