A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm in a mess and I really need some advice. I'm 23 years old and I have been with my fiancee for nearly 5 years, we've just got engaged and we're extremely happy together. I love him more than anything and I couldn't imagine being without him.The trouble is, I've recently started chatting to this guy on facebook, and I'm deeply attracted to him. He feels the same way about me and we turn eachother on. He wants to meet up for some fun...and I can feel myself getting tempted, I really want to sleep with this guy.It's stressing me out because I don't know why I'm feeling like this...I've never ever wanted another guy sexually and all of a sudden, I am...I can't stop thinking about this guy. I have no doubt in my mind that I love my fiancee...so why am I feeling like this? Is it normal?I keep thinking that I wanna meet up with this guy for sex, I know he'd blow my mind...but then I snap out of it and think "what the hell am I thinking?" It's driving me mad...seriously. Why do I want this other guy????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): End it with your fiance, you are not sexualy attracted to him enough and he doesnt deserve it. You are not in love, but like the idea of being in love. There is someone out there for both of you, but just not each other.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): You are missing something in your fiance and 'found' it in the cyber man. Try to figure out what it is and its value in the marriage. You got a real need to evaluate things. Stay away from both for a while and see things as an observer. MAke a reality check free of emotion.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): While certainly no one says look and not be attracted, but there's a difference when you're actively pursuing somebody and in your head preparing to cheat on the man you confess to love so much. If sex is your god then you don't love your man plain and simple, people use the word love very loosely these days, love involves respect towards your partner, commitment and devotion and the absolute tenant that you hold each others trust in your hands and you can depend on each other, whether it be emotional, spiritual or financial. You claim love yet you actively talk to this guy about meeting up and having sex. Unless you're planning to go through with this and lie to your boyfriend then you're going down a very rocky rock indeed. Good luck whatever you do.
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A
female
reader, HC +, writes (28 January 2011):
I think that maybe you are going into a bit of a panic, at the thought of getting married.
Whatever you do don't sleep with him you will regret it. Get rid of the guy from face book.
Then take time and think about what you really want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): i guess its normal to have these sexual urges towards another male, after being with your fiance for 5 years, you could start to get bored, do you feel that that is what marrige is going to feel like? are you sure youre making the right decision to get married?, youre still very young, and you don't seem to want to settle down, which i don't blame you.
but if you love your fiance dearly as you say, and your love is true, dont be unfaithful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): It's completely normal to be attracted to other people when in a relationship - especially for as long as five years. No doubt this new guy represents excitement, adventure and unfamiliarity. Of course you love your boyfriend, but after so long, your relationship has likely become stale and unpredictable. It's more than easy to act on such strong feelings in the heat of the moment - but if you did, I can almost guarantee it would be the worst mistake of your life. I'm sure you know deep down that as tempting as it is, you would seriously regret getting into anything with this other guy. Feelings are normal, it's how you handle them that counts. If you don't want to risk your relationship, then I recommend cutting contact with this other guy. Explain that as attracted as you are, you love your boyfriend and want to remain faithful, therefore can't keep in contact anymore - then delete him from facebook. Focus time instead on re-building the excitement in your relationship. If you feel underappreciated in the relationship, then let him know. Go on dates, plan something that will give you both something to look forward to - like a holiday or a spa break. If time goes by and you still feel that you can't forget, or that you don't feel happy, you may have no choice but to discuss how you feel with your boyfriend and decide together how to resolve the problem.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 January 2011):
But the point is maybe you don't love your fiancé enough. Maybe that's the point.
Everyone on earth, at some point, is attracted to someone else. That's nature. Your fiance will always notice other women, you will always notice other men.
The difference is, these are feelings you don't act upon when you genuinely love someone, an if you're getting what you need from a relationship. Cheating exists where there is a lack of love and respect.
I don't think you've thought this engagement through as closely as you needed to. If you'd said that you'd just felt attracted to this guy, then I'd have said that was normal. But you're chatting to him on facebook and turning each other on, you're not stopping the chat (you could have blocked him if you really loved that fiancé of yours), and worse you're now tempted to cheat.
If you love your boyfriend as you claim to, you will block this man on facebook now, the moment you've read my reply. If you don't block him, or block him and then unblock him, then you are deluding yourself that you love your boyfriend.
So, either block this man and get on with focusing on your relationship, or have the courtesy to end things with your fiancé so he can find someone who is truly committed. Those are the only two options, unless you become a cheat, in which case it only proves you don't love your fiancé.
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