A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, right now i feel like shit,i have been a bit bad and cheated the odd time. Its lead to break up after break up,he wont let it drop. I have never admitted it as he will end it,i know he wont come back if i do. He turned off his phone last night,so i sent a text as there could only be one reason for that. Today i got his reply and it said,I am giving you the one thing I ever wanted from you which is honesty. Yes I was with someone and then told me it was over between us. His phone has been switched off again since. What can I do. I feel lost without him but feel like I hate him. Could he just be saying it to hurt me or is he telling the truth?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): What do you think he feels like? Why would he come back, I take it that you have no children. Did you cheat because you hated him? Do you hate him because he has pain?Get a counselor, and work on yourself, and why you did this to another person. You might not want to read the rest of this, but be damn glad you don't have children and don't have them until you figure yourself out.Cheating is like this: Dig a grave, good and deep, put your bf/gf in it, tied hand and foot so they can't climb out, then you and another person stand over them and shit on them, piss on them, and have sex in front of them, then fill the grave up while they are still alive.Really, there isn't much more pain than that, except cheating, which is the person you trust the most betraying you with another person.Where did I get the idea it was like that? Personal experience.My wife had an affair. She said later, herself, that she felt like she had held my head under water to drown me. I couldn't have said it better, when it was going on I felt like I had a plastic bag over my head.The question is always "why would you do this". Well, in many people's cases it has a lot to do with what was done to them in the past. When my wife told me her entire story, well...let's just say that I understand and forgave and hope none of our children have that experience in life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): As someone who has been cheated on, I don't feel bad for you. It's a heartbreaking thing to have your trust so completely stomped on by someone you loved, and I will never go back to my ex. He's sorry as can be and he feels like shit, but I will never be able to forget what he did.
If you want to try and salvage the relationship at all, give him space and don't talk to him until he wants to walk to you. My ex and I are on speaking terms and are back to being tentative friends because he allowed me my space.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): I wouldn't take a cheater back...I did one time and although he didn't cheat on me again, he treated me like crap because, he thought I was going to seek revenge on him at some point during our relationship. He was starting to fall in love with me, and stopped himself because of fear, he tried to end our relationship more than once because of fear...not because, I had done anything to him...he just had this "feeling" and before his feelings got hurt, he wanted to just walk away from me. I got him to stay, but then I ended it with him because, he never trusted me even though I didn't do anything wrong towards him...he was paranoid as hell....afraid...filled with fear. But hey...it's his lost, he thought he saved himself from a broken heart, but once he realizes what he lost and how he may never find a woman as great as me again is going to break his heart even more...not to mention I never cheated, so .....there you have it. I think you should just move on...you maybe sorry, but even if he does take you back, you might start acting like my ex did....you aren't going to trust him because, you will start looking for signs of cheating on his part.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): My suspicion is that he was probably alone when he said that(no one would say that in front of a date). I don't think he lied to hurt you, but he probably lied to:1) Convince you to leave him alone.2) Make it clear to you that it's overYou hate him and you're hurt because you think he's lying to punish you in some way? I think he is past of point of wanting to even bother with punishment. It seems like you've pushed him past the tipping point of what he was willing to put up with. You really have no right to be angry at him for lying. And you have even less right to expect him to make you feel less alone after what you've put him through. You learn the hardway...maybe you'll treat the next guy better.Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): You blew it hunny. Now he's gone off and found someone else. Doesn't feel so good, does it? At least he had the decency to dump you instead of sneaking around. If you aren't commited enough to keep from sleeping around, then don't get into a relationship and leave it at hook-ups until you grown up. Leave this guy alone. You two will NEVER have a healthy, trusting relationship after something like this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): This is what becomes of having to put up with a liar. Are you even bothered about your cheating? It looks like you cheated with guys who wouldn't even do you the honour of a relationship and now you lost the one who did. You would probably cheat again if you knew you wouldn't get caught. Well it won't be on him now because he has behaved like someone hurt. Now its even worse because you know you ruined it yourself and nothing will change it. You may have stood a better chance by trying to look sorry and offering an explanation, but you lied, which goes hand in hand with someone who has no respect for their boyfriend, the relationship, or themself. Whether or not he was cheated with someone doesn't matter, he said its over. I have had this happen to me, and going back is a no no. Hope he is the same.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Does it matter why he texted that message? Obviously, he knows that you have cheated, then lied and lied and continued to lie. At some point, you must agree, this kind of behavior will no longer be able to be lied and bluffed away, and the consequences, those pesky consequences arrive.
Let's examine the two options you presented. Could he be saying it just to hurt you? Hm. Well, this means that he must be hurting pretty badly to be so callous and cold to actually LIE to you. What a nightmare! A boyfriend who LIES! OMG! Oh right. He has had an excellent teacher in lying, hasn't he?
Could it have happened and he finally is having sex with someone else? Possibly. In fact, probably, again, he's had an excellent teacher in cheating.
So again, I ask, what does it matter if he is telling the truth or not? And I know you feel like shit already, life lessons don't always feel so good. Remember this feeling, in the next relationship. Maybe it'll help you from destroying another relationship and hurting someone as badly as you now feel for yourself, firsthand.
For what it's worth, I think he was telling the truth.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): your obviously in love with this guy, but why did you cheat on him? besides the point, when he text you saying he was with someone, its possible he was actually with someone, JUST to hurt you, or saying it just to hurt you.
i think hes trying to make you feel how you make him feel,
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (28 January 2011):
 I'm a little confused by your post. Hopefully, you can clarify something for me. So, you cheated on your boyfriend, he somehow found out, but you refused to fess up, and arguments over this have led to multiple break ups. Then, he texted you and admitted he had cheated on you. Is this correct?
If you have any desire to work things out with your boyfriend, you MUST be honest and tell him you cheated on him... now. He just wants you to be honest with him! I do think he was being truthful about his own infidelity.
This relationship may be too far gone to work out. You both need to come clean and apologize to one another. Please keep us updated! Good luck!
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (28 January 2011):
 hi
yeah he could be lying about being with someone, just to hurt you but you can't blame him really can you? you cheated and it hurt him. doesn't seem like he will ever trust you again. i hope this nasty tasting medicine will cure you from treating your next boyfriends the same way.
if you are ever tempted to cheat again in the future, just remember about how it feels to be found out, not trusted and respected any more by them and when they realise they can't forgive you they dump you and leave you feeling like crap.
ps i'm not having a go at you, just use this experience as a lesson that's all
xx
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male
reader, Liebes Kummer +, writes (28 January 2011):
Why don't you just own up? I think it would make life a lot easier.
Maybe, you guys could start on a clean slate.
Ask yourself why you cheated and see if you could avoid doing so in the future.
There is no place for cheating in a relationship, unless of course, you'd prefer an open relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): The bottom line is put yourself in his shoes, what would you want him to do if he cheated on you. Come clean, or hide it and pretend nothing is wrong?No one wants to be with a liar, and no one wants to be with someone who cheats. Bottom line, people want to be with someone that they can trust.You blew it and the only way you can fix this is to completely come clean, and make amends to him. Yes, you will hurt him and yes, he'll probably dump you. But the only way you'll ever really have a relationship with him is by telling the truth and handling your personal issues with why you cheated in the first place.Part of your amends should be some sort of confront looking at yourself and your history with cheating and really taking responsibility for your actions. Is that the kind of person you want to be? People always advise others the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater". Is that what you want to be?Take responsibility for what you've done and do as much as you can to make sure you don't do it again in the future with this guy, or if he ends it, the next guy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): Thats because cheating is the surest way of ending your relationship,it doesnt need much thinking about really.
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female
reader, desta101  +, writes (27 January 2011):
Firstly cheating is so wrong on so many levels.
if you ddont have a honest realationship then wat in the world can u make of it. If some one has ever cheated on you then u no how it feels if u havent well just imagaine some one touching ur bf and they see every thing that is only for ur eyes. And so u really think his just going to drop it. this will change ur whole realationship for the rest of u being together.. sorry but did it now live with it and if u really like this guy make it up to him big time.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 January 2011):
I have the feeling that he might know about you cheating. Therefore either he has gone out and cheated to make you feel this way, or he has said it to end things.
Either way, I don't see how this can be fixed. You've already cheated and since you've done it before, I'd now say that you need to address your own problems. Whatever is happening in your life, you need to get it under control. You're at a age where mud sticks more than ever, and men will bypass you in favour of someone more trustworthy.
You need to address your own problems and live your own life until you can commit. Until then, you simply won't stand a chance with any guy, and your reputation will be left in tatters.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): Ok, i'm confused. You cheated and he found out? Then he text you and told you he was with someone?
Can you explain more clearly?
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