A
male
age
36-40,
*eserve58
writes:Does anyone else think women now a days are more in love with the idea of "love" and "marriage" then they are with the true meaning behind it. I keep meeting more and more women who talk about marriage like a dead line rather then the importance of actually being in love for real. It is a little scary. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (29 January 2011):
Absolutely. I think many (but not all) women are in love with marriage and not in love with the person they are marrying. Ergo our divorce rate.
I see it all the time - a woman has a grand "plan" of what and when, and then they just plug in the "who." What they miss is the who is much more important than the what and when.
Im 42 and have stayed single because I believe the who is the most important thing. I now will likely marry my current gf in complete bliss as she to me is wo question the right "who."
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 January 2011):
I agree with Odds.
In fairness, for women it is more of a deadline, so to speak. You have to remember that if a woman wants to get married before she has kids, there is a time limit since her body clock will be ticking away. Most women will have problems conceiving after the age of about 32, and it will get harder and harder from there.
Love does wait, but it's important to remember that love isn't the only thing to take into account.
For what it's worth, I'm also a bit scared of all this "I must be married by such and such an age". It can be daunting.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (29 January 2011):
 Some women (and even some men) think of marriage as their top goal in life. These people like the idea of getting married, have an idealized version of married life in their minds and strive to get it, only to be disappointed with reality. People like this find validation in being in a relationship, and don't necessarily care as much about the person they're with as they do about not being single.
Other women, as Odds noted, feel like their youth and fertility are their only selling points. Those obviously fade with time. The idea of these qualities being what secures a long-term relationship is ridiculous, if that was really the case there would be no such thing as a young single woman. But hey, that's the pressure of society. It doesn't always make sense.
On the other hand, some women view marriage as a commitment and a gesture of love. It's one thing to be in a long-term relationship, but marriage seems more permanent and shows you want to be with each other for the rest of your lives. To put it simply, it proves you're in it for the long run. You know the saying 'actions speak louder than words'? This is a perfect example of it. Some women do have a deadline, but rather than getting married by a certain age it's closer to how long they're willing to wait for that commitment.
There are probably a million other reasons why some women act a certain way about marriage, but those are the main three I've noticed in my experience.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (29 January 2011):
 While I agree with your assessment, and that it's a bad thing, in fairness to women they do have something of a deadline. Their youth and fertility are two of their primary "selling points" (if someone has a better term for this, please feel free to suggest it) when it comes to getting a husband. The longer they wait, the more difficult it is to secure lifetime commitment, and the lower-quality the guy will generally be. Biology is harsh.
The attitude of wanting to marry is not inherently unhealthy, though I think the institution is dying. What you want to watch for are the girls who want to *get* married, rather than *be* married. The party versus life as a wife. The man is incidental to the former case, almost like a prop.
Avoid these girls. There is very little you can do to help them - they won't listen. Find the good ones instead, they're out there.
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (29 January 2011):
 Its a bit of a moving target to be honest, some woman, and men for that matter, see marriage as the be all and end all of everything.
The older you get the more you will meet people who think this way by virtue of the fact youre meeting older people.
Ignore it and be yourself, works every time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): "Love" and "marriage" can never be a deadline, but its the pressure of society and "what will people think if I'm still single"and "I'm the only one not married" line of thought that makes people treat marriage and love as something that has a deadline.
The fear of being alone for too long, not finding anyone to settle down with, of growing old alone without having someone to care for oneself....its for reasons like this that most people are so paranoid about the deadline.
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A
female
reader, Cherrie_StPierre  +, writes (29 January 2011):
 True love always waits. I think you are meeting the wrong types of women. Maybe they make it seem like a deadline because they can't find anyone that wants to marry them.
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