A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Greetings All! I have worked with this person for two years and have always had a mutual great feeling. We began an active relationship last year. I was in process of a divorce, but the feelings for her were very real and true. She put forth the same feelings. She is married and has not been fulfilled according to her...she has always said that she will leave him and I feel very passionate about her...and she me. I'm just very confused about what to do. It's been well over a year and she is still saying the same thing. I am willing to wait and not force it, but I care for her and don't really mind the pain. Am I thinking about this right? Should I continue to wait for her to decide, or force the issue? Am I being taken for a ride and too whipped to see it? I truly believe we are meant for each other on many levels and she feels the same...help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): Some great advice here. I'm the married woman (5 years) with a lover who WOULD leave my husband for my lover if he was at that level, only he lives far away from me and isn't 'ready,' to take that big step away from his current long term partner (20 years) and deal with all the heartache he would cause her.
All in all I am seeing the light. He is having 'fun' with me and despite professing undying love, I risk losing both my husband AND my lover by living in a dream world with him, instead of analysing my marriage and trying to work that out, which is my intention now! Find someone now who wants you NOW, not whenever it's convenient. The excuses they make can just go on and on.. trust me!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): I've been there and will never go there again. It's more desirable when it's in the affair limbo state because you want her all to yourself around the clock but when she leaves and is yours it changes for thw worse. All the headaches that come with it put overwhelming stress and pressure on the relationship and you walk away hating each other. I regret not leaving it at being friends. We haven't spoken in years. I don't see her as the woman I fell in love with. We're both single and neither of us will ever speak again that's how much we loss. It destroyed us. If that's what you want in the end keep after it but I guarantee you will regret it. Leave it and find a single man who will love you and not resent you and destroy you from the chaos that comes with breaking family.
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A
male
reader, mbill48 +, writes (28 January 2011):
I feel your pain. I'm on the back side of it.I loved and am still in love with this lady for years even though we only hooked you several months ago. I asked mine point blank last week what she wanted. I thought she would say more time instead she said she is in her life an it's not going to change. So if I was you and I have been just in the last week. Here is what I would do. First you must relize they don't want us.. It's hard to face but it's true you can try to help them, convince them but they won't listen. I tried every way trust me every way but the only below trust me every one.2. Looking back you need to relize it's over. You know somewhere in your heart it is. Set a date say 2 weeks into the future. Tell her you will be there in 2 weeks. Pick a place and time tell her where you will be. What I would do then is push her away the same way she is treating you pushing you away. I wouldn't call her contact her or anything STOP being there for her... JUST STOP..If she shows up you may have a chance, If she doens't you know the answer. Plus you have a 2 week head start on the healing part.During these two weeks get very busy. Look online and dating sites. Don't tell her you are looking at sites don't tell her one thing you are doing in your live. She's not telling you why should you tell her. When she asks what you are doing be very very brief not details. It's hard but at least you will see thousand of single gals are around.Once these two weeks are over just stay busy doing anything. Belive it or not what I did last night was go to a few of the places by myself I told her I wanted to take her to. It was hard but I ws glad I did it.I know that someday all of use will find the one. Don't get me wrong I still want mine I just relized she doesn't want me. When you face that truth it makes you very mad and angry at least I was for a day. TI wish you all of the best.
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A
female
reader, Fabulosa +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Wow. Ummm where do I start. Ill start with the statement "I dont really mind the pain". You need to have more pride in yourself. You need to put your self worth in order. And no I don't think you should "push" the issue. I think you should talk about it and find where you are and either leave or she needs to leave. That simple.And most people in your situation feel its meant to be because you don't have to deal with everyday issues and not to mention we all want things we can't have.In my opinion you should either end it she needs to leave because you shouldn't he dragged through something like this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): It's easy to leave a marriage when it's a horrible marriage, but it's very very hard to leave one that is basically ok. If the husband still loves her, even harder because she doesn't want to destroy him.
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A
male
reader, Liebes Kummer  +, writes (28 January 2011):
It's the same old line men feed to women; she is trying to eat her cake and have it.
I am sorry you are in love with a married woman but, maybe you should start thinking about yourself.
Look for someone who is single and free. I tell you, it is less heartache.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): I think she's just stringing you along. You're her go to guy in case she needs to get some. Of course, you both have a lot in common, but it's not going to blossom into anything more than what it is. Yes, you'll have spent some time together doing things together and all the great things, but that's all it will always be. She seems awesome because you are at a place in your life - going through a divorce and well, lo and behold, here comes that lady that fits you in all levels. I think there is someone out there for you, that fits you in all levels, but it's not the one you are currently wanting. If she wants the same thing like you do, she would have already filed for a divorce. I know, because the man I was seeing was doing the same thing and the woman he had a baby with and felt so unfulfilled in her marriage...well, she and her husband and their kids moved on away after he found out that she was having an affair with my guy. They slept together and he kept running to her everytime she called him even though we both were on a date together. I got the better end of the stick though...I never went back to him after we broke up and now I'm with someone even better than him. So, as much as this may hurt to hear, you'll find someone even better than this one. She will be very much available, more on the same level as you are and a bit more exciting and perfect for you. She's out there!
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (27 January 2011):
 If you want the female perspective on it, I'd say her husband provides her with financial security and you take care of "the entertainment." Here's my guess. I could be totally wrong, because you haven't provided a lot of details, but...she's bored in her marriage (that's what being unfulfilled means) but can't let go because she enjoys a certain standard of living by being married to her husband. If she has children, she probably doesn't want to risk losing them over this.My advice is to end the relationship. If she divorces her husband to be with you, then you can say I was wrong. If not, at least you won't be waiting around for someone else's wife to hand you scraps. You're single. Why would you chose someone who is married? There are more women than men looking for relationships in your age bracket. Find an available one. It won't take long.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (27 January 2011):
She's in limbo. You can't force her to make a decision because she's really not trying to make a decision. She's already made a series of decisions that have lead her to this place, and as much as she hates this place she's stuck in, it is a place she chooses to stay in, and will not willingly change. She's not with you. She's not with him. She's not interested in changing those facts. She really truly believes she WANTS to figure out which way to go, really truly thinks she WANTS to be with you, really truly believes she DOESN'T WANT to leave her husband. The truth is, she's wrong in those beliefs.If she leaves her husband for you, the odds are extraordinarily good that your relationship with her will not survive two more years. The odds that it will survive four years are so miniscule as to be negligible.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 January 2011):
She'll keep you waiting until you're in the ground, my friend.
If she loved you that much, she'd have walked ages ago. I would most definitely say you're being taken for a ride. Remember, men aren't the only ones who use people. Women use men just as much. And you're being used and made a fool of, just the same as any mistress.
Like I say, if she loved you, she'd have left already.
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