A
female
age
30-35,
*acelessSorrow
writes:Hello,I have a little problem that is gradually getting worse...I'm 18, my boyfriend is 19 and we've been seeing each other for about three months now, I've known him four years prior. Anyways, we haven't seen each other in a couple of days due to exams, my boyfriend and I had plans tomorrow but tonight he said he was going snowboarding instead, blowing me off...I understand he wants to go snowboarding and have a fun time but I feel hurt because I really wanted to see him tomorrow. Now hes blown me off on other occasions and it always makes me feel horrible because I look forward to seeing him so much, I love him very much. I usually tell him how I feel as I did so today, but when ever I tell him how I feel and tell him it isn't really fair to me that he blows me off, he says that I alway guilt trip him. I'm not guilt tripping him, well I'm not trying to anyways. I'm starting to get tired of him making me feel horrible for trying to tell him how I feel. I just want him to understand how I feel and take my feelings into consideration when he's about to blow me off. He always makes it clear that it's not about him not wanting to see me because he does want to see me (but he just wants to do this more [that's how I feel anyways]) I don't know what to do to help him understand how it makes me feel when he does that. I've thought about doing it to him but that seems too much like revenge to me. Can someone help me? Please!
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 January 2011):
In that case do keep an eye on it. That's all I can say. And if it does get worse, you'll know the truth.
A
female
reader, FacelessSorrow +, writes (28 January 2011):
FacelessSorrow is verified as being by the original poster of the question Dear CaringGuy,
Thanks for the advice but I don't think I'm going to make a big fuss over it because it'll make him feel like I'm trying to guilt trip him more then he already thinks I am, I don't want to upset him or make him angry or frustrated. I guess I'm just going to have to go with it for now and see what happens. I just hope it doesn't get worse...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 January 2011):
The problem, then, is that you are telling him how you feel, and he's still not getting it.
I'm a man, so I know that sometimes women aren't all that clear with their feelings. But if you are telling him straight that it's hurting you to be blown off at the last minute, and he's still not listening, then nothing you do or say will get through to him. Even if you did it to him, he wouldn't get it.
I'm afraid this is either something you'll have to listen with, or something you'll have to make a massive fuss over.
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A
female
reader, FacelessSorrow +, writes (28 January 2011):
FacelessSorrow is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear CaringGuy,
He hasn't blown me off as much as you think he has, maybe about 3 times in the last three months. He's a great boyfriend when hes not blowing me off, he's funny, extremely weird =), sweet, caring, very loving, protective (when he should be), he trusts me (unlike my last boyfriend), not to mention he's absolutely sexy too =) he's just an all around great guy, I'm pretty sure hes the right guy for me, but he does have his quirks, but nobody's perfect. I love almost all of his imperfections, except for when he says something stupid that upsets me, but everyone makes mistakes and he usually says sorry afterwards when he knows he did something wrong. He's a good teacher too, he's teaching me how to snowboard and he invited me to go today but I said I don't know because it wouldn't be fair to his step-brother because 1) we'd be going down all the easy hills because I'm still learning and 2) he'd have no one to snowboard with if he went down other hills, he didn't reply after I said that so I don't know if his sister is going, if she was it would be fair for everyone. I am very much in love with this guy and I want this relationship to work, I just want him to understand how it makes me feel when he blows me off.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 January 2011):
If he's blowing you off that much, then you need to think about whether he's interested in you as much as he should be. To me, he sounds like he's not that bothered. A boyfriend isn't there to make you feel horrible, or to blow you off so much. He seems to be doing this too much.
Remember, 9 times out of 10, you can judge someone by their actions. And all your boyfriend seems to be doing is throwing you aside for 'fun', which means that he's not committed enough, doesn't really respect you enough, and is too immature to be committed. I know if I treated my girlfriend like this, she'd ditch me. There are times you can change your plans, just not this much.
I think you need to sit down and think about whether this is the best you can do. Seems like you can do better.
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