A
male
age
41-50,
*urberrypie
writes:Hi folks, firstly let me attempt to generate a picture of my current relationship... I have been in a very tight relationship with a caring girl for the past 6 years, and I have made sure that I have spent most of my time attempting to provide a comfortable life for her, listening and caring to her needs... which is often needed anyway because she has a mild disability (cerebral palsy) which restricts her joint movement can causes atritritic pain.This disability has a knock on effect with our relationship, as I basically have to make all of the decisions on things, guide her on everything and basically drive the relationship.I have never cheated on her, although I have been presented with a few opportunities of women practically throwing themselves on me, but regardless I have said no and stated my devotion to my girlfriend and do not wish to cheat on her or my self control.This is now becoming more and more hard to maintain as there have been around 3 occassions in the last few years where she has sex texted and flirtatiously engaged with some social semi-friends of mine (they are no longer friends as a result... and I feel deeply hurt by this and I think I have probably had my fill.Contrary to what I imply above, I am not planning on cheating.. infact I am put off by anything more than a casual relationship with anyone... I just do not want to feel impending doom despite my best efforts in a relationshipI have actually bought an engagement ring twice without her knowledge, but have returned it as a result of her conducts... Im not sure if my tolerance of her actions is either overzealous, or completely justified.. but I feel like I am now waiting for the next installment of her "cheating" before I can continue with our relationship.What I guess I wish to know is... Is this common behaviour for a woman within and commited relationship? or should I just let it burn?I have a lot of pride, but I am starting to feel like I have devalued myself by granting her a third chance.I would greatly appreciate any comments or guidance you have to share.Many thanksBP
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male
reader, burberrypie +, writes (4 February 2011):
burberrypie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I have been away for some time with work.. It was good to get some breathing space and time to think.I want to thank you all for your helpful comments and insight.. it has in many ways validated my feelings.Kind regards
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): This is not the real deal. It is not for any other reason than cheating. Dont take any shit about she was lonely,you never listened etc She isnt too bothered about anything but her own way,she would have learned and you may have to face that she is a cheat by nature,no matter who she is with its likely to happen. Leave her and her texting to live happy ever after because only a very desperate person would put up with it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): Why not get a dictionary and look up unfaithful,uncaring,insincere,selfish,unfeeling,egocentric which are some of many descriptions,i wont put the insults. You have got a woman who may need you and believes she loves you through fear of being alone. Nothing is normal. You cannot reason with someone who is unreasonable. They dont have the ability or go deaf,when the only thing wrong is they couldnt care less as long as its not them being hurt. Leave her,she will be ok and has got her phone to sex text. You may find what she did isnt in her thoughts and relates to you like you have been bad to her,dont even answer to it. Dont contact her and change your number,you seem a nice guy and looks very much like she will have you believing she really is sorry.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): There is one thing about the texting,like internet chat sites, its been very good at sorting the good from the bad as far as relationships are concerned. Saved many from wasting years with someone you thought was meant for you. I found a spare mobile phone one week before our wedding,absolutely full of dirty texts and rude pics. Hurt yes,but also spared from years of living false belief with someone ruthless enough to decieve and look you in the eyes,knowing the same from you would tear her apart.Guess what? She`d had her third chance,wasnt getting anymore.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 January 2011):
You remind me of me - before I got a little wiser. You are the original nice guy. Here you are, with a woman who has a disability, and you're doing everything to make sure she is happy and comfortable. What does she do? Throw it in your face. I didn't date a girlfriend with a disability, did I did date a girl who I ran around after, only to be cheated on.
Thing is, disability or no disability, your girlfriend has cheated, and has proved herself untrustworthy. Twice you've postponed an proposal on the grounds of her behaviour. That's two times too many. She has no excuse for treating the way she has done.
Personally, I think you'd do better to leave her and find someone who doesn't treat you this way. Make it clear that it is her behaviour that has caused it.
Believe me, there are women out there who do appreciate nice guys. I'm with one now. Reserve your good guy actions for someone who deserves them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): Her joints are ok to sex text and are not hindered. To be honest she must see you as nothing of any value. If you agree with her opinion and believe its her right to cheat and prove youre the wimp she believes you are,you dont have to go.Do you enjoy being mistreated? Some people actually do. In your situation she wouldnt have got a second chance and I would bet real monopoly money you will keep finding excuses not to leave. As for her,the less said,the better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): no its worth it,she`s shown you the deal twice already,some would say anyone who gets one chance for what she did is lucky. she cant help her personality,how many more times do you want her torment and disrespect you? you cannot have pride or you wouldnt be with someone like that.the longer you stay,the more negative and co dependant you become. dont be too suprised if theres lots more you dont know either. no,this is not normal. i think they are a type,and normal people will never understand them. forget looking for answers,there are none. pack your bags,and leave her to continue her hobby.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (29 January 2011):
 This is not common behaviour when you are in love with someone!!You sound the most geninue, caring and considerate guy I have ever come across.... and do you know what, it is being taken advantage of!Your girlfriend sounds extremely selfish and illness or no illness, no one deserves to be treated in this manner.The only thing I can suggest right now, is that you talk to her; tell her like you have told us, how you are feeling. But bare in mind, you have lost trust in this woman, and if you don't have trust in a relationship, you have nothing!I sincerely wish you the best of luck because you sound a gem!
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