A
female
age
36-40,
*exy87
writes:About 10 weeks ago my bf broke up with me after nearly 2 years of being together. His reason? He didnt want the hassle of a gf anymore, wanted to do what he wants when he wants. Basically he wanted space. He is a huge mummys boy and plays footy and and goes to the gym practically everyday. Just one of the lads.Now these last 10 weeks have been on and off for him. He said no to seeing me as feelings are still there and if we saw each other out at night in the bars talking or flirting with another girl/boy then we wouldnt like it and we would get angry with each other. But we met up within those weeks and had sex nearly all the time. It wasnt just sex then throw me away, it was cuddle, talk, sex, cuddle and he would take me home and kiss me and say he would txt me soon. We have done this on and off. We had a discussion a few weeks back where he said he loves me, misses me and thinks about me and wants to buy me a necklace and be friends. But also wants space and he knows he would regret his decision and he would have to get on with everything if he saw me out with another guy. (And he hasnt yet so I dont know and he doesnt know how he would react?!)He knows full well im not that type of person to sleep around or kiss guys out. I have to see them, date them etc before any of that so he knows I wouldnt do that and he knows I still have feelings for him so I cant let go..So atm its like he only contacts me when he wants me and same with the sex. Like having his cake and eating it. Having the best of both worlds. Having me still in his life but with no commitment.There hasnt been a week gone by that we havnt txtd each other. I dont think we would get back together soon seeing as he is loving his single life atm and I am around still as no matter what I would run to him. I dont want to be friends, how can you be friends with the person you love?! I want him back I really do but it is sooo hard to not contact him. I have read everywhere that no contact is the best way for a guy to miss you or wonder what you are doing.. and also fo course to get over him.Does that even work though??I really would like some help. It would be very greatful.
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female
reader, Bexy87 +, writes (30 March 2011):
Bexy87 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou guys for the advice it has helped alot. Caring guy I know what you say is possibly true but you don't know this guy and nobody knows the relationship we had and have now... Not every guy will use their ex for sex and that they dont have feelings and never want them back so will use them just because they know they can get it. Most guys will not speak to their ex or even want to see them.He hasn't asked me for sex.. Sometimes we just meet up and talk. I sometimes initiate sex and it and only once has he ever initiated it. It just happens...Ive stopped the contact with him and he keeps txting when i havnt bothered with him and so I just respond hours later, keeping it cool without a question. He re-taliates and responds just the way I did. Like a game to him because he expects me to reply to him straight away or act all cutsey.The way he txts and also speaks to me confuses the hell out of me and thats why it is sooo hard. He starts off with my nickname he has for me 'bexybexy'. Puts s's at the end of words and leaves kisses like for eg. on Sunday night he wrote 'Hey bexybexy. You okies? Wens you want your bangles? xxxx' and I didnt reply so he replied again 'So you nots want your bangles? xxxx' Its little things like that ya know that get me.Im trying to move on and it is very hard. But im hoping, just hoping that in the future or after this no contact business he will regret it.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 A relationship with breathing space is good but you have to determine how much time is spent together, with friends, intimate time, and alone time. Having balance is important. So is lifestyle compatibility. Some men think breaking up is the only way to get space. Why is having a girlfriend a hassle? You are not in his life to take away his freedom, but only to add or top it off his happiness. He's just took the easy way, bailed out and never giving you the opportunity to express your views. Here I see somebody having issues with boundaries and asserting his own rights, someone who feels the only way to get what he wants is by escaping, and dodging conflict.
No contact works. You increase your own value by letting him know that you want something bigger, better than what he's offering, and by not settling. By worrying about losing you it gives him the incentive to work harder to get you back in his life.
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 Definitely stop sleeping with him. That isn't fair to either of you, and ESPECIALLY you! If you aren't ready to cut off all contact, cool it down, keep it platonic, and don't meet up with him any more. If he asks you why, say simply that he doesn't get just a part of a relationship.
He's either dating you, or you two are just friends. That's it. None of this painful funny business in between.
Best of Luck
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A
female
reader, kaykay1989 +, writes (30 March 2011):
 I think no contact would be better in this case and if you talk to him and tell him how you feel he should respect the way you feel. He does want to have his cake and eat it and as much as you love him you shouldn't let him treat you this way.It will leave you wanting more and yearning after him and I think he's playing on this a little bit. He wants to enjoy the single life and he's picked that so don't let him have you as and when he pleases make it clear to him he gave that up. xoxoxox
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 March 2011):
No matter what you read, it is no substitute for the truth, from a man - in this case, me.
Women spend a very long time wondering why men use them. The truth? Frequently they allow themselves to be used.
Women also spend a long time thinking about how to get a guy back. The truth? A guy won't come back.
You are wasting so much valuable time on a guy who simple doesn't love you, respect you or care for you. At all. You are allowing this guy to walk into your life when he pleases and use you. You are wondering how to get him back, even though the clearest signs are that he doesn't want to come back. He wants his space, his wants his friends, and he wants sex when he can get it. That's all he wants.
Thing is, there are other far better guys out there, and you will miss out on them for the sake of a guy who sees you as his toy. Mr Right, who is elsewhere looking for the right girl, will walk straight past you as long as you bother with this other guy.
The time has come for you to realize that this guy won't come back, and doesn't want to come back. You give him what he wants, and that's all that matters to him. Your feelings don't matter, and who you are don't matter.
You need to cut contact and really work on your own self respect. It's worrying that you seem so desperate and lacking in self respect that you are willing to allow yourself to be so obviously conned and treated badly. You need to get this break up in order, cut out the crappy guy and make a real effort to focus on your own life - or you'll be one of those women later on in life who is sat there wondering what happened to all that lost time.
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